Thriller

Corrupt (1983)

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corruptBefore he was the Bad Lieutenant, Harvey Keitel played another bad lieutenant in the Italian-made Corrupt (aka Bad Cop II, Copkiller, Order of Death and an easy paycheck) as Lt. Fred O’Connor.

He works in the narcotics division, where members of his team have been offed by a cop killer. When Leo Smith (John Lydon, aka Sex Pistols’ Johnny Rotten) shows up at his apartment and claims to be the culprit, O’Connor gets all Keitel on his ass, tying him up and holding him hostage in his bathroom.

corrupt1Corrupt is one of those psychological cat-and-mouse games where the tables are continually (but not surprisingly) being turned. Unfortunately, when the fortunes shift from Keitel’s character to Lydon’s, the movie grows tiresome (not to mention confusing, as their interaction borders on a homosexual relationship, as does the one between Keitel and his secret live-in cop roomie).

As evil as his O’Connor becomes, it’s hard not to root for Keitel throughout the whole thing — namely because he’s not Lydon, who comes off as a snot-nosed, insufferable prick whose acting is annoying as his music (yeah, I said it). Speaking of music, Ennio Morricone’s score? Not among his best. —Rod Lott

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Martial Arts

Shaolin vs. Manchu (1984)

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shaolinmanchuGood ’n’ bloody ’n’ cheap, the martial-arts movie Shaolin vs. Manchu begins with a five-minute introduction of all the various Shaolin kung fu styles. Only then do we get to the (as the uproarious trailer puts it) “excellentent plot,” in which the young monk with the entirely indigenous name of Rocky (Ling Man-hoi) is selected to be the Shaolin temple’s new chief abbot.

This move pisses someone off, so Rocky is wrongly accused of rape and thrown out of the monastery with broken feet, but only after a nighttime attack by ninjas, one of whom has an exposed butt crack. It’s all a setup by one of the crooked prince’s spies, of course, so Rocky must clear his good name, oust the evil abbot and retrieve the Shaolin’s stolen relics.

Does he succeed? You know the answer. But I bet you didn’t know a Manchu warrior gets drunk to the point where he dumps a bowl of greens on his head and laughs about it. C’mon, admit it. —Rod Lott

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Reading Material

Remaking Horror: Hollywood’s New Reliance on Scares of Old

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remakinghorrorSomewhere before I’ve stated that I’m not automatically against horror remakes, because without them, we wouldn’t have such modern-day classics as John Carpenter’s The Thing or David Cronenberg’s The Fly. It’s nice to know I’m not alone, now that James Francis Jr. has expanded my thought into an entire book with Remaking Horror: Hollywood’s New Reliance on Scares of Old.

It’s too bad the trade paperback’s cover captures Anne Heche in what appears to mid-salute to the Führer, but Gus Van Sant’s infamous, shot-for-shot redux of Psycho is one of four main examples the author explores. The others are, naturally, Halloween, Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street.

In doing so, Francis devotes a chapter to each to explain the differences between the original and the remake, and what worked and what didn’t — mostly according to general consensus, although he freely offers his opinions, which prove more lenient than the average academic.

The real meat of the book is the chapter immediately following, in which he takes the same approach, but shorter, to roughly two dozen more examples, from all the Island of Dr. Moreau movies to 2011’s Fright Night. Consider it the “lightning round” — a lot of fun.

Following are brief Q-and-As with six “industry professionals,” including Evil Dead captain Bruce Campbell and former Fangoria editor Tony Timpone, but the questions are staid and untailored to the subject, leading to mostly curt responses that lend no insight. Skip these and proceed to the “Remake Catalog,” a comprehensive table comparing budgets and grosses (pun not intended).

Francis makes his share of questionable blanket assumptions (“When people hear the name Michael Bay, they are interested to see what he has made …”), dubious statements (“[Rebecca] De Mornay — as fans may remember — came to fame … in the suspense-thriller The Hand That Rocks the Cradle …”) and outright errors (he’s under the impression that the 1973 telepic Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark is a foreign film) sprinkled throughout the text, but not enough to kill the overall buzz. —Rod Lott

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Horror

Night of the Living Dead 3D: Re-Animation (2012)

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NOTLD3DReAnimationWhich is the worst part of the complicated rights issue with the original 1968 Night of the Living Dead? Is it:
A. that director George A. Romero and company were screwed out of millions, or
B. that it allowed Jeff Broadstreet to make Night of the Living Dead 3D: Re-Animation?

With apologies to those good people’s bank accounts, the answer is B. Trust me on this one. You’d agree if you saw this abomination, but I encourage you to run in the other direction. The answer is totally B.

Even if writer/director/producer Broadstreet — who also helmed the 2006 Night of the Living Dead 3D “remake” — had left the classic film’s title off his own, the results still would remain abortive. Ladies and gentlemen, we have the 21st-century Ed Wood. The difference is that nobody will be watching Broadstreet’s work after he passes. Hell, they shouldn’t be watching it while he’s alive, either.

NOTLD3DReAnimation1It took me four tries to start NOTLD3D:R-A before I could muster the strength to watch it all the way through. Andrew Divoff (Wishmaster) fronts the film as Gerald Tovar Jr., a second-generation mortician who doesn’t cremate the corpses he’s paid to; instead, he piles them into one dank dungeon of a room, which characters can enter and somehow not vomit from the stench. Guess what happens to the bodies. (Did you say “zombies”?)

I suppose NOTLD3D:R-A holds a curiosity factor among those wishing to see Divoff act alongside Re-Animator‘s Jeffrey Combs, who plays Gerald’s no-good, conspiracy-prone teabagger brother. To horror-con geeks, this sounds akin to Pacino and De Niro’s diner scene in Heat. It’s not; it’s the gum under the table at that diner. And I like both actors.

This chore of a watch is all about CGI blood and green-screen antics and, because of shooting in three dimensions, intrusive angles. The 3-D doesn’t even work, so why bother? On the disc’s production featurette, Broadstreet tells you why: Because he thinks he’s making a sociopolitical statement. He’s delusional; he’s made the A/V equivalent of a bowel movement. I hate to be so harsh, but this time, it’s merited. —Rod Lott

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Sex

C.B. Hustlers (1976)

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CBHustlersOdds are, the amateurish, plotless sex comedy known as C.B. Hustlers likely was dated the very day it was released. The title refers to a “rolling cathouse” of a pimp and his three shapely truck-stop whores, ready to service weary rig drivers at the drop of $25.

Using the CB handle “Hotbox” — presumably, “Moist Vagina” was taken — they communicate and negotiate over the airwaves to elude the Boss Hogg-ian police until a newspaperman (he’s the one with the card reading “PRESS” in the brim of his hat if you get confused) starts getting suspicious over all the talk he hears about “tunnel action,” “laying track” and “juicy watermelons.”

CBHustlers1There’s not a laugh to be had in this mix of Hal Needham and Hee Haw, but its 85 minutes breeze by like those damned 18-wheelers on the freeway. A couple of reels were even out of order on the print I saw, but I didn’t mind at all, especially when I saw that Uschi Digard’s big sex scene was filmed from the perspective of the lucky guy beneath her.

Like this review, the movie — directed by Drive-In Massacre‘s Stu Segall — just sort of decides to end. —Rod Lott

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