Madcap Screencaps #35
Can you guess what movie or TV show we’re watching? We’ve turned on subtitles (when available) not to give you a clue, but to enhance that WTF effect! Leave your best guess in the comments to prove your true Flick Attackosity!

Cowboys & Aliens (2011)

Cowboy (Daniel Craig). Cowboys. Cowboys. Pow-pow-pow! Cowboys. Hot Indian (Olivia Wilde). Cowboys. Cowboy (Harrison Ford). Cowboys. Cowboys. Aliens! Pow-pow-pow! Zap-zap-zap! Aliens! Zap-zap-zap! Cowboys. Cowboys. Cowboys. Aliens! Pow-pow-pow! Zap-zap-zap!
Cowboys. Cowboys. Cowboys. Pow-pow-pow! Cowboys. Cowboys. Cowboys. Cowboys. Aliens! Zap-zap-zap! Zap-zap-zap! Splash! Aliens! Cowboys. Cowboys. Indians! Cowboys. Aliens. Cowboys. Aliens. Cowboys.
Cowboys. Cowboys. Aliens. Cowboys. Indians. Cowboys. Cowboys. Dynamite. Kaboom! Aliens! Zap-zap-zap! Zap-zap-zap! Aliens! Dead horses. Zap-zap-zap! Cowboys. Aliens! Zap-zap-zap! Zap-zap-zap! Pow! Cowboys. Cowboys. Indians. Aliens! Pow-pow-pow! Cowboys. Aliens! Aliens! Holy shit, aliens! Zap-zap-zap! Zap-zap-zap! Zap-zap-zap! Zap-zap-zap! Blast off! KA-BLOOEY!
Cowboys. Boredom. —Rod Lott
Invitation to Hell (1984)

Unleashed the same year as A Nightmare on Elm Street, Wes Craven’s made-for-TV Invitation to Hell is another dark look at American suburbia, only without all of the good stuff that made his feature effort so memorable. Whereas Elm Street gave us Freddy Krueger, Hell does its best with soap star Susan Lucci, who is admittedly pretty terrifying, but not for the reasons the producers were thinking.
Lucci plays Jessica Jones, the vaguely ethnic-looking owner of an exclusive country club whose members all enjoy incredible prosperity and fortune. This is because she’s Satan, and the club’s members all have sold their souls to her for pool privileges. Everyone in the local community thinks she’s awesome, except for Robert Urich, who’s just been hired by Kevin McCarthy’s tech firm to develop a new space suit for NASA.
Urich is forced to watch helplessly as his wife (Joanna Cassidy) and kids (Barrett Oliver and Soleil Moon-Frye) are corrupted by Jones’ influence and sell their souls to her behind his back. Without any other option, he does what any good father would do: Don his experimental space suit and go down straight to Hell to rescue them. It goes without saying that he is able to do so by defeating Lucci through the eternal power of love.
Those of you familiar with Craven’s oeuvre know some films on his résumé that exist purely to pay the bills. Of these, Invitation To Hell is nowhere near the worst (Deadly Friend and The Hills Have Eyes Part II are tied for that title), but like all of the others, it’s clear he wasn’t prepared to do anything but the bare minimum to keep the money folks happy. Unlike 1978’s Stranger in Our House, which proved he could transcend the TV medium if he wanted to, Hell ranges from limp to laughable. His game cast does the best they can with the material, but it isn’t enough to save the film from descending into the kind of unintentional camp that can only come from a talented director working with a script he obviously thinks is ridiculous. —Allan Mott
The Tell-Tale Heart (1960)

A good (albeit loose) adaptation of Edgar Allan Poe’s classic story, this Tell-Tale Heart finds a foppish nerd named Edgar (Laurence Payne, Vampire Circus) obsessing over Betty (Adrienne Corri, A Clockwork Orange), the hot babe who works at the flower shop. An utter loser, he asks his friend Carl (Dermot Walsh, TV’s Richard the Lionheart) how to land such a foxy chick. He takes Carl’s advice and asks Betty out to dinner, which goes well until he attempts a full-throat French kiss afterward.
From then on, she turns her affections (and ultimately, her pelvis) toward Carl, leading the hopeless and heartbroken Edgar to kill his pal and bury him in the floorboards. Soon, he’s haunted by the sound of Carl’s beating heart, so Edgar cuts it out of the corpse. But even after that, the sound plagues him, and it’s neither a dripping faucet nor ticking clock.
Whether you’ve read the original story or not, you know how it goes from there, and that’s why the movie holds no suspense. But it’s made well, in a crisp, buttoned-up, British style, co-written by Brian Clemens, who brought equal class to so many Avengers episodes. More thrillered up than Poe intended, director Ernest Morris’ film comes with a “surprise” ending. —Rod Lott