Student Bodies (1981)

studentbodiesTo my knowledge, Student Bodies is the only slasher film in which the killer not only wears green rubber dishwashing gloves, but dispatches victims with paper clips and eggplant. It should be noted that Student Bodies is also an outright spoof — and a damn good one — of the subgenre’s biggest hits at the time, including Halloween, Friday the 13th and When a Stranger Calls.

Reportedly directed by Fletch’s Michael Ritchie, but credited to screenwriter Mickey Rose (a frequent Woody Allen collaborator in the earlier, funnier days of Bananas, et al.), the under-the-radar comedy plays fast and loose. Unafraid to be supremely silly, it takes place at a high school where the pupils perish due to an asthmatic heavy breather voiced by producer Jerry Belson (Jekyll and Hyde … Together Again), arguably the biggest name in the go-for-broke cast. Novelty comes in the form of an onscreen body count and arrows calling out such horror clichés as unlocked doors and windows. That’s a gimmick, but Ritchie/Rose hardly rest there, as gags fly at a ZAZ-approved speed, per the Airplane! model.

studentbodies1Like Airplane! just before it, the movie is smart in its stupidity. For example, a man returns home to find a Kentucky Fried Chicken drumstick in pieces on the kitchen floor; naturally, he picks it up and returns it to the fridge … but only after Scotch-taping the poultry piece back together.

Coming 19 years before, Student Bodies is the Scary Movie of its day. It even outdoes Scary Movie in the laughs department — not too daunting a feat, I know, but all the more impressive considering it had so few targets to parody. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

The Wolfpack (2015)

wolfpackFor as long as they’ve been around, filmmakers have been making movies about the movies. From Stanley Donen’s Singin’ in the Rain to Federico Fellini’s nearly every corner of the moviemaking map has been covered through the years, and through a variety of stylistic lenses to boot. But The Wolfpack — director Crystal Moselle’s striking debut feature and winner of this year’s Grand Jury Prize for a documentary at Sundance — casts the power of cinema under a murky new light, focusing instead on how the movies themselves can mold us as emotional creatures, and telling an incredible story of her own in the process.

Moselle met the Angulo brothers — ranging from 11 to 18 years old at the time, with hair down to their backs and dressed as if they’d just left the Reservoir Dogs set — by chance encounter in Manhattan in 2010. A friendship then blossomed over a shared affinity for certain movies, and after sharing their unlikely, almost unbelievable backstory, the Angulos invited Moselle into their cramped Lower East Side apartment, where she would film her documentary.

wolfpack1At the time, Moselle was the family’s first guest in their nearly 20 years of residence in the neighborhood. And if that sounds strange, prepare to be stupefied: The brothers (and their younger sister) had only left the apartment a handful of times for the entirety of their lives, sometimes going an entire year without walking through the front door. Their literally sheltered childhoods were the wishes of their father, a Peruvian immigrant with a radical distrust of the American government and society as a whole, and their mother, a soft-spoken Midwesterner who was tragically convinced that shielding her children from the society’s hazards was for the best.

Because they had so little experience in the outside world, the Angulo brothers’ (named Bhagavan, Govinda, Mukunda, Narayana, Jagadisa and Krsna) only knowledge of it came through their massive DVD and VHS collections, which featured classics like Casablanca and contemporary standards like Pulp Fiction. To pass the time (of which they had a lot), the boys recreated entire scripts of their favorite films, then memorized the lines, built props and costumes from household materials, and reenacted scene by scene with remarkable detail — all from within the confines of their apartment. This was more than just an expression of a love for movies, though; it was how these kids lived, their way of experiencing the real world — or at least their perception of it — and assuaging their mounting curiosity.

But there’s a point at which a massive home video collection will no longer suffice. Through a series of candid, expertly shot interviews, Moselle documents their determination to flee, to experience the lives of which they had been robbed. Much of the documentary examines these grand-scale desires, but it also depicts more subtly meaningful life events, like walking barefoot on a sandy beach or going to a movie theater for the first time. It’s in these moments of understated significance are when The Wolfpack is at its most potent and captivating.

Questions will be raised about whether the Angulos’ story had been exaggerated for artistic license — a definite no-no in the documentary world — and how exactly Moselle was permitted such a degree of access to such a hermitic home. Others will critique the film’s focus on the group rather than examining the brothers as individuals (they all look strikingly similar to one another, and Moselle never really puts names to faces). But The Wolfpack, like many of cinema’s most revered achievements (many of which it references), serves as a reminder of the immense mental and emotional spectrum that the medium often explores, reaffirming the idea that it isn’t as much about the story, but who’s telling it and how it’s being told. —Zach Hale, Oxford Karma

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TBK: Toolbox Murders 2 (2013)

tbktoolbox2There is one thing I liked about TBK: Toolbox Murders 2, and although it arrives at the end of the movie, I’m going to reveal it. Skip this paragraph if you must, but c’mon — we all know the sequel is and always was going to be as formulaic as a 12.5-ounce canister of Enfamil. Anyway, having survived days as a serial killer’s hostage, our heroine is told she forgot something … and is handed her cellphone. Still charged, the device has something like 150-plus missed calls on it. D’oh! Trust me: That’s the only horror cliché TBK:TM2 dares subvert.

A belated follow-up to Tobe Hooper’s Toolbox Murders, which itself was a remake of the notorious 1978 grindhouse “classick,” TBK:TM2 turns out to be awful, and not even in a fun way. Hooper’s 2004 redux is, to me, a memorable gem unearthed from the Walmart $5 DVD bargain bin, so I was all for another trip to its historic Hollywood hotel setting. Hooper was not, apparently, so in steps Dean C. Jones, graduating from the makeup department to the director’s chair. Since Jones also comes credited as co-writer and a producer, he gets the blame for turning in work that screams made-for-TV, yet is full of gory (and good) effects the tube wouldn’t touch.

tbktoolbox21Stuntman Chris Doyle reprises his role as the mute Coffin Baby, the Darkman-looking dude who does all the stabbing, slicing and cooking; he’s like, says a cop, “Jack the Ripper, Jeffrey Dahmer and Richard Ramirez, all rolled into one,” and it’s obvious from some of the framing choices that Jones is trying to turn Coffin Baby into a “thing.” No need — if the rights holders can’t settle on a name (see the title moniker of “TBK,” a tasteless pun on/anagram of Wichita’s real-life BTK Killer), fan-favorite status is well out of reach.

The cannibalistic psychopath kidnaps a previous victim’s sister (Chauntal Lewis, Séance), cages her like an animal and makes her watch as he tortures other prey with this tool and that. But at least he cooks her a tub of Jiffy Pop so she’ll have something to snack on while spectating. Toward the finish, she encounters another captive, played by poor Bruce Dern (Nebraska), for whom I felt sorry — not for his character, but the two-time Oscar nominee himself. I know a man’s gotta eat, but geez, Bruce! There’s always ramen.

I’d like to think it’s not coincidence that this return to the Toolbox leaves us with this message: “If you can’t be something great, do something terrible.” Mission accomplished. —Rod Lott

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Roar (1981)

roarWTFAt least the first time Melanie Griffith had work performed on her face, it was legit. One tends to need such reconstructive surgery when a lion plays peekaboo with your head, which tends to happen when Mom and Fake Dad force you to be part of their “great idea” for a movie: to share the screen with dozens of live, untrained, completely dangerous, utterly ferocious, meat-eating jungle cats.

That movie is Roar, and it is bonkers.

The story behind it is more interesting than the story in it. And that’s not just because Roar has no story. Writer/director/producer/insane person Noel Marshall plays a researcher of indiscriminate study in the wilds of Africa. His wife (then real-life spouse, The Birds’ Tippi Hedren) and their three kids (stepdaughter Griffith among them) come to visit, arriving when he’s not home. Apparently he failed to inform them about all his roomies — lions and lions and holy fuck all these lions — so they understandably freak out and run from room to room to room, playing hide-and-shriek for about an hour and a half. Dad finally comes home; they all have a good laugh about it and all is well. The end.

roar1Let me rephrase: “All is well” assumes you don’t care being tackled by goddamn lions every time you stand or take a step. It’s as if Dr. Dolittle quit medicine to become a Third World landlord. The animals may be “just playing,” but Marshall and company are really bleeding. Behind the camera, cinematographer Jan de Bont, later the big-shot director of Speed, was scalped on set — scalped! — and required 220 stitches as a result.

Beneath a mop of hair more unruly than any matted mane, Marshall (one of The Exorcist’s producers; this was his only acting job) strikes viewers as the ultimate peacenik: a nature-loving idealist to the point of narcissism. Imagine if the crazy-eyed tree hugger from Birdemic: Shock and Terror got his own movie, and you’re so close to Roar, you’ll catch mange. All you lack is knowingly putting your actual loved ones in harm’s way for an egotistical lark that screams a mix of Walt Disney and the Marquis de Sade. Swiss Family Asshole, anyone? It’s a literal pet project, to the squandered tune of $17 million.

Marshall and Hedren divorced after Roar was released and tanked. Honestly, I’m kind of surprised their 18-year marital bond didn’t sever long before. Reportedly, it took 11 years to make this movie of theirs. To the film’s credit, it looks like it only took 10. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Trash Cinema: A Celebration of Overlooked Masterpieces

trashcinemaLet’s not kid ourselves: In this age of Netflix algorithms and Amazon recommendations, who in the hell wants to consult a bookewwwww! — for suggestions on movies to watch?

You can’t see it, but my hand is raised, and high. I trust people more than math.

Amid Mike Watt’s Movie Outlaws and The Collinsport Historical Society’s Monster Serial series (currently two and three volumes strong, respectively), there’s no shortage of ink-on-page equivalents of the ol’ conversational chestnut, “Hey, have you ever seen [insert movie title here]?” For my money, there’s always room for more, so scoot over to make way for Trash Cinema: A Celebration of Overlooked Masterpieces.

Edited by Andrew J. Rausch and R.D. Riley, Trash Cinema asks a host of writers to wax chaotic on one of 55 movies — technically 54, since the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special played not in theaters, but on the TV set in your wood-paneled den — that, far more often than not, should not be missed for connoisseurs of cheese and sleaze. With only a couple of chapters falling flat, the highlights include:
• SOV pioneer Tim Ritter (Killing Spree) discussing how influential Wes Craven’s The Last House on the Left has been for him personally;
• Dwarfsploitation author Brad Paulson appreciating the notorious Filipino spy parody For Y’ur Height Only, starring the diminutive Weng Weng;
• and Full Moon veteran screenwriter C. Courtney Joyner (Doctor Mordrid) delivering such a fevered defense of the 1972 horror/Western hybrid Cut-Throats Nine that had me seeking a copy of the Spanish film pronto.

You could take issue with the BearManor Media paperback’s subtitle — in what world are cult staples such as Ed Wood’s Plan 9 from Outer Space “overlooked”? — or you could just ignore it and enjoy. I recommend the latter, because I devoured Trash Cinema as quickly as a stray dog to a dead hobo. May there be a second heaping helping. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon or BearManor Media.

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