All posts by Rod Lott

Are You in the House Alone?! (1978)

areyouhousealoneAre You in the House Alone?! is the question posed over the phone to straight-A student Gail Osborne (Kathleen Beller, The Sword and the Sorcerer) while babysitting. While anonymous and unsettling, the connection is not as iconic as the one a year later When a Stranger Calls, asking Carol Kane if she’s checked the children.

The tele-terror is merely one piece of a multitiered plan of harassment from an unknown admirer/stalker who also places threatening notes in Gail’s school locker. It puts the damper on a burgeoning romance between her and new beau Steve (Scott Colomby, the Porky’s saga), who is disliked by Gail’s high-strung mother (Blythe Danner, Meet the Parents) for breaking curfew. Worse, the badgering escalates into rape. I didn’t spoil anything, either; director Walter Grauman (Paper Man) does that in the first scene before segueing into an hour-long flashback.

areyouhousealone1This being the late 1970s, it’s suggested that Gail’s case against her attacker is a losing proposition due to her not being a virgin — an attitude every bit as dated as the atrocious hairstyles and fashions on display.

For being made for television, Are You in the House Alone?! does a fair job of building some suspense, but once the narrative circles back to the beginning, it makes a complete tonal shift from thriller to drama — and not just a drama, but one with an overly moralizing Afterschool Special feel. Viewers practically can see the seeds of many of a Lifetime movie being planted before their eyes; ultimately, the pic is most notable for giving Dennis Quaid one of his earliest roles. —Rod Lott

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The House of the Laughing Windows (1976)

houselaughingTwenty years after the death of tortured painter Legnani (Tonino Corazzari, Le strelle nel fosso), a restorer is hired to complete the artist’s mural on a church wall in a small, picturesque Italian village. Stefano (Lino Capolicchio, The Bloodstained Shadow) arrives to find a disturbing portrait of a saint whose naked, tied-down body bears seeping wounds from being daggered several times over.

Not for nothing was Legnani known around town as the “Painter of Agony,” for he liked to depict men and women at the precipice of meeting their maker. Stefano finds a tape recording of Legnani droning on, near-orgasmically, about the “purity of death,” which leaves our protagonist with an eerie feeling that he’s not being told everything surrounding this temporary gig. Of course, his inclination is spot-on.

houselaughing1As Stefano sets out to stick his nose into Legnani’s legacy and history, not to mention the story behind this unfinished fresco, death rears its head — suicide or murder? The path of Stefano’s unofficial investigation is paved with an elderly paraplegic woman, two hot-to-trot teachers, a rat-eating altar boy, a fridge full of live snails, untold numbers of shadows and secrets, and eventually, The House of the Laughing Windows.

At one point, Stefano’s love interest (Francesca Marciano, Seven Beauties) remarks, “The gloomy darkness is romantic. Right?” — a line which nails much of the appeal of the Gothic film by Pupi Avati (Revenge of the Dead), which takes a turn toward horror in its final moments. There’s not much to the easily solvable mystery, but it’s fun to watch it unfold — or flop out, as the case may be. As with many Euro shockers of the period, atmosphere mitigates shortcomings. —Rod Lott

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13: Game of Death (2006)

13gameofdeathIn Bangkok, 32-year-old Yamaha instrument salesman Phuchit — “Chad” in the English dub — is fired at the most inopportune time: when he is in debt to the tune of tens of thousands. Potential salvation arrives in the form of an anonymous cellphone call inviting Phuchit (Krissada Sukosol, The Adventures of Iron Pussy) to play 13: Game of Death.

With a baker’s dozen of challenges, the mild-mannered Phuchit has the opportunity to win $1 million, all or nothing. Early rounds seem simple enough — swat a fly, make three children cry, rob a bum — then balloon in complexity to demented extremes, including — what else? — murder. For all the wrong reasons, the most memorable mission is the fifth, in which our desperate, depressed hero must consume a plate of feces drizzled in a beef gravy. At least I hope that was gravy; either way, the scene is a true stomach-churner, made further disgusting by the protagonist’s face and clothes bearing stains and smears from his lunch for the rest of the movie.

13 Game of Death movie imageYou may not proceed beyond that, and I can’t say I recommend anyone do. The “let’s play a game” scenario has fueled dozens of fine, credibility-stretching thrillers, but 13: Game of Death squanders its massive potential even before Phuchit’s visit to the restaurant (for which I’d love to read his Yelp! review).

Matthew Chookiat Sakveerakul (writer of the 2008 girl-powered martial-arts movie Chocolate) begins the Thai-language film in earnest, then suddenly introduces comedic elements that are not present in the initial quarter. In high-stakes stories of life or death, you can’t go from slapstick to samurai swording a dog and expect to keep the audience to stay alongside you. It just doesn’t work, especially when the running time overstays its welcome by a good 30 minutes of nearly two hours — a bane of many Asian genre pics, Thailand included.

Throw in an ending that’s terrible and two people have lost this Game: Sakveerakul and the viewer. —Rod Lott

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Skinner (1993)

skinnerParents, as tempting as it is, do not conduct an autopsy on your spouse in front of your 6-year-old boy. He’ll only grow up to be the kind of man who kills prostitutes just so he can slice off their faces and wear them over his own like dime-store Halloween masks. This probably goes double if your last name is Skinner.

In the sleaze-oozing Skinner, Dennis Skinner (Ted Raimi, Intruder) embarks on that low-in-demand career path. (Thanks, Pa!) Drifting into town, Skinner rents a room from a lonely housewife (Ricki Lake, Hairspray).

skinner1Meanwhile, almost simultaneously, a smack-addled mystery woman (played by former porn star Traci Lords) checks into a nearby hotel. She’s dressed like Carmen Sandiego at a funeral and her coat hides the fact that her left arm and leg are as veiny and shriveled as an octogenarian who forgot how to get out of the bathtub. She’s “hunting” Skinner to get her revenge for past transgressions, but is obviously terrible at it since she’s already spent five years doing so.

Also terrible: this movie, directed by Ivan Nagy, a large-looming figure in the Heidi Fleiss scandal of the 1990s and a man whose work has gone from an all-American superhero (1979’s made-for-TV Captain America II: Death Too Soon) to all-access porn, so Skinner‘s entirety is tainted with a coat of feculence.

Surprisingly, its most distasteful bit doesn’t even involve a female body part. Rather, it’s a blackface routine — well, so to speak — as an African-American man who upsets Skinner finds himself short one visage. Skinner doesn’t merely put it on — he also adopts a stereotypical shuffle and ebonics dialect! It’s the most racist thing I’ve seen since any email forwarded by my dad to his entire address book during either Obama campaign. Viewers might be able to forgive one line (“Yeah, baby!”), maybe two, but the shtick extends from one scene into another, with Raimi pouring his life into it as if auditioning for a Sanford and Son reboot.

As Al Jolson famously said, “You ain’t heard nothin’ yet!” —Rod Lott

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A Comprehensive Encyclopedia of Film Noir: The Essential Reference Guide

encycfilmnoirIt’s amazing how often publishers put superlatives like “ultimate” or “best” in the titles of nonfiction works that don’t merit such use. John Grant’s A Comprehensive Encyclopedia of Film Noir: The Essential Reference Guide dares to have two, but damn if it doesn’t fulfill them.

From Limelight Editions, this weighty hardcover — nearly five pounds, nearly 800 pages — has “Christmas gift” written all over it for the film fan on your list. (Or “Hanukkah gift” if he/she is Jewish.) And after the holidays pass, consider it for yourself with any cash or gift card balance you may acquire.

Pay note to one more word in the title: “encyclopedia.” It is that; in other words, the book is not meant to be read cover to cover, although you sure could. Approximately 3,250 movies are covered, with each entry being built on the base information (year, country, key talent), a brief plot summary (minus spoilers) and briefer bits of criticism. On occasion — say, with a Citizen Kane or your Vertigo — Grant extends the usual paragraph or two into a mini-essay; more opinion and background material are included when this occurs.

If picky readers are to have a problem with A Comprehensive Encyclopedia of Film Noir, it’s going to be with the author’s loose definition of the subject. He acknowledges this in his introduction, and one need only flip open to nearly any spread to see the kind of films whose presence may raise an eyebrow. A mere random sampling: the glitzy Whitney Houston assassination vehicle The Bodyguard, the hyperkinetic visual feast known as Germany’s Run Lola Run, the Zucker/Abrahams/Zucker broad comedy Ruthless People. To those who may be upset, I say, “Calm down, Tex. It’s not like your Double Indemnity has been kicked out because of it.”

Besides, any film noir text that doesn’t think twice about including the likes of Ray Dennis Steckler (Body Fever) and Ed Wood (The Sinister Urge) is one after my own heart. —Rod Lott

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