All posts by Rod Lott

Eyes of a Stranger (1981)

eyesstrangerJane Harris (Lauren Tewes, best known as Julie, Your Cruise Director on TV’s The Love Boat) is your stereotypical big-haired anchor for the local news in Miami, except for her bad habit of cutting off her male counterpart and going off-script to editorialize about the serial rapist/killer terrorizing the city. As she tells her boyfriend, “This rapist thing is really getting to me!”

And how. Spotting a suspicious fat guy (John DiSanti, The Presidio) changing clothes in their twin-tower apartment building’s parking garage, Jane assumes he’s the hosiery-headed culprit, starts sniffing around his business and eventually gives him the Rear Window treatment.

eyesstranger1Eyes of a Stranger, as if you needed telling, is no Rear Window. Nor is it supposed to be. Ken Wiederhorn, director of the Nazi-zombie chiller Shock Waves (clips of which can be seen on the tubes of a couple of characters), knows he’s making a B-level psycho-thriller — no more, no less — and thus makes Eyes watchable. For all its genericness, it’s almost comfort food in how utterly every-step-predictable it plays, right down to each victim’s teasing display of nudity and other elements watered-down from the era’s slashers.

That he gets a good performance from Jennifer Jason Leigh (The Machinist), however, as Jane’s blind and deaf sister, seems accidental. That’s all her. —Rod Lott

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Death on the Fourposter (1964)

deathfourposterA pre-giallo obscurity, Death on the Fourposter plops six couples into a bona fide castle for one swingin’ weekend. The place is a “mansion of pleasure” as far as the guys are concerned, but maybe not so much for the ladies: It has only one bathroom.

Co-directed by Jean Josipovici and Ambrogio Molteni, neither prolific, this Italian mystery also saw release as Sexy Party, which although silly-sounding, is absolutely apt. Perhaps the film’s embodiment of the sensual is Serena (Antonella Lualdi from Claude Chabrol’s A Double Tour), who livens up the shindig beyond mere dancing to jazz LPs on the hi-fi when she proposes a rather carnal take on Truth or Dare, such as betting the boys she can seduce them within seconds. If she can — and she knows she will because she’s pretty hot and knows that, too — their girlfriends must submit to the desires of another man there for a few minutes. Gambling has never been so erotically charged.

deathfourposter1So, uh, where does the Death come in? Without revealing too much, Serena’s head games give way to a séance; it works, and not everyone lives to see the sunshine. Viewers’ unfamiliarity with the no-star cast works to the distinct advantage of this rough gem, in that conceivably, anyone could make an early exit. The lone exception might be John Drew Barrymore, star of the JD-flavored teenpic High School Confidential and father of Drew, but could you pick him out of a lineup? Not likely, even after exposure here. —Rod Lott

Get it at VCI Entertainment.

Long Weekend (1978)

longweekendRecipe for a Long Weekend? Easy!
• Ingredients: one bickering married couple.
• Place in: car for road trip to Australian beach.
• Add: some really pissed-off wildlife.
• Serves: ’em right!

In this well-regarded, man-vs.-nature chunk of Ozploitation, Peter (John Hargreaves, Sky Pirates) and Marcia (Briony Behets, 1980’s Nightmares) attempt to repair the shambles of their shit-can marriage by going on a holiday — that’s “vacation,” Yanks — of smokin’, swimmin’, sunnin’, shootin’ and maybe — just maybe — sexin’! You know it’s not going to go well because they barely can stand each other’s presence, run over a kangaroo, trespass on private property, throw trash in the ocean, chop down trees for the hell of it and bring his-and-her Adidas jackets.

longweekend1Halfway through, an eagle attacks — not without damn good reason — and Long Weekend becomes an Aussie version of William Girdler’s Day of the Animals, but with even more of an ecological message (i.e. “humans are assholes”) — so much so that Rachel Carson might see the film as a screwball comedy.

A hint of the supernatural is at work here, and honestly, director Colin Eggleston (Cassandra) should have employed much more of that and much less of the spouse’s verbal firebombs (“self-indulgent maggot”). Peter’s a jerk; Marcia’s a jerk; and their dog, Cricket, is the only likable character. You may even root for the canine to turn against his masters.

Why not, Cricket? Every other member of the animal kingdom does. That very conceit is what sells viewers on embarking on a Long Weekend, yet the film doesn’t use it enough. Eggleston seems more interested in hammering home an obvious point by cutting away to ants swarming over bacon in increasing stages of decomposition. As Marcia herself bursts, “Spare me the grotty symbolism!”

Aside: Did Everett De Roche write every horror-thriller pic that made its way from Down Under to the United States? Besides this, he penned Patrick, Road Games and Razorback—Rod Lott

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The Horror of It All: One Moviegoer’s Love Affair with Masked Maniacs, Frightened Virgins, and the Living Dead …

horrorofitallThus far, 2015 has brought us two movie-loving memoirs from major publishers: Comedian Patton Oswalt’s Silver Screen Fiend ushered in the New Year and now Adam Rockoff greets the sweltering months with The Horror of It All. Rockoff is just the guy you don’t know by name.

Or at least comparatively speaking. Fright fans — the crowd most likely to snap up this heartfelt hardback — may know Rockoff as the author of 2002’s Going to Pieces: The Rise and Fall of the Slasher Film (a nifty book which became the nifty documentary of the same name) and as the screenwriter of 2010’s I Spit on Your Grave remake. Okay, so he actually hid behind a pseudonym on that project, and the reason why makes for one of many good stories in The Horror of It All.

Unlike Oswalt’s book, which carries a narrative through-line, Rockoff’s could qualify as an essay collection. Although its breath-robbing subtitle (One Moviegoer’s Love Affair with Masked Maniacs, Frightened Virgins, and the Living Dead … ) suggests an adherence to fiction’s three-act structure, that tale is more or less told in the first chapter. It and the other nine aren’t really linked, other than that they are:
a) full of the author’s opinions, and
b) about horror movies.

Each can stand alone. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Not when they’re this damned entertaining.

In chapter two, Rockoff rips apart the now-notorious 1980 episode of Sneak Previews, in which Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert hypocritically decried the trend of slasher movies, while chapter seven examines supposed “snuff” films, from (what else?) Snuff and Faces of Death to Guinea Pig and, ergo, the extreme gullibility of Charlie Sheen.

Others pieces are historical-minded. One details the PMRC Senate hearings/attacks on heavy metal music; another, how the 1996 release of Wes Craven’s Scream resurrected the moribund genre of horror for the big screen to a degree that it has yet to abate (and, he argues with extreme confidence, never will).

And other sections are more personal, such as chapter four, dedicated to how and why the author’s teenaged self turned down a hand job in favor of watching a VHS tape full of horror trailers. He peppers the book with such nostalgic asides, from seeing his first Playboy to trolling the local flea market for life-altering issues of Fangoria.

Of that bargain-bonanza site, he writes, “Where else could you possibly find Chinese stars, a rattlesnake paperweight, and a ‘Kill a Commie for Mommy’ T-shirt within fifty yards of each other?” I bring this quote up to illustrate Rockoff’s most welcome sense of humor, which permeates every page; of renting vids with his buddies way back when: “And we had our minds blown by Sleepaway Camp. Sure, the film’s gender politics might have escaped us, but sometimes a girl with a dick trumps all.”

As if you couldn’t tell, Rockoff is unafraid to say what’s on his mind, even when it comes to admittedly (and wildly) unpopular opinions, such as Ridley Scott’s classic Alien being boring, Brett Ratner’s Red Dragon reigning superior over Michael Mann’s Manhunter, and — sacrilege of sacrileges! — the iconic shower scene of Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho being “totally overrated … one big letdown.” (Don’t shoot the messenger, folks.)

If there’s an element to dislike about The Horror of It All, it’s not his mass slaughtering of sacred cows; after all, he presents them with conviction and compelling arguments. It’s that in the back half of the book, he increasingly comes off as kind of an asshole, as even the most well-constructed defense tends to come undone when it concludes with “Fuck you” or a variation thereof. At least these instances are few, none of which — alone or collectively — detract from the sheer enjoyment of reading the book, which I did in one weekend afternoon and instead of watching a horror movie. That’s how much fun it is. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

avengersultronAvengers, assemble! For the inevitable, super-sized sequel, of course: Avengers: Age of Ultron. The 2012 original, Marvel’s The Avengers, burst into the world box office’s rarified billion-dollar club, so what one critic in Bumfuck, Flyover State, thinks about this follow-up matters not at all.

That said, in case you’re curious, I found Age of Ultron to be more satisfying than its big brother. Much more.

Like Iron Man 3, however, footing is found only after the shakiest of starts. Here, it’s a real show-off sequence of all six of Earth’s mightiest heroes fending off enemy soldiers. Although made to look like an unbroken tracking shot, it’s so obviously and overly computer-generated that it appears like a cartoon. Downshifting to slow motion to draw even more attention to itself, one angle in particular all but reaches from the screen to give fanboys a quick, collective wank (à la See You Next Wednesday’s “Feel-Around” experience).

avengersultron1Subsequent skirmishes — and Age of Ultron has many — are staged better. The screenplay, by returning director Joss Whedon, threatens our Avengers team from within after Iron Man alter ego Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr. in his sixth go-round with the character) covertly completes Ultron, an artificial-intelligence project intended for global defense. However, the AI (voiced by James Spader of TV’s The Blacklist at his most Spadery, which is to say terrific) decides, as it boots to life, that it doesn’t like what it’s been programmed to do, so it zigs instead of zags, thereby aiming to annihilate mankind. Even in a movie predicated upon our suspended disbelief in green giants and thunder gods and unfrozen American army men, Ultron’s insufficiently explained 180 is a completely stupid plot-starter. To call it otherwise is to deny the elephant in the room, even after the stench of pachyderm poo has grown overwhelming.

Forgive — but do not forget, because it’s poor and lazy writing, period — and let the sci-fi spectacle act its Age, because Whedon was able to right some of the predecessor’s wrongs. This sophomore outing sports a livelier, more interesting villain and better utilizes each major player without having the superhero soufflé feel overstuffed. That in itself is a Hulk-sized accomplishment, given that rather than trim the roster, Whedon expanded it to include many more. He’s roped in do-gooders from connected Marvel movies and added a few newcomers, notably Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, evil twins played by 2014’s Godzilla couple Elizabeth Olsen and Aaron Taylor-Johnson. Of the original teammates, Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) and Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) benefit most from the widened scope.

This Avengers adventure still has troubles — too many quips, too many in-joke nudges, too much Cobie Smulders — yet achieves what the first film could not for me: engagement and excitement. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.