All posts by Rod Lott

Winners Tape All: The Henderson Brothers Story (2016)

winnerstapeallAlthough I laughed a lot while watching Winners Tape All: The Henderson Brothers Story, I cannot recommend it outright.

No, first you have to instinctively know the meaning of the acronym “SOV” — without Googling, without pausing to think. For those whose gifted with a synapse that instantly retrieves “shot on video,” then yes, unequivocally I recommend this inspired mockumentary. Viewers familiar with those negative-budget, positive-enthusiasm DIY horror shows of the VHS era will recognize certain patent components — the awkward pacing, the amateurish performances, the kitchen-conjured gore effects — and smile in respect. Grins give way to guffaws.

And if you don’t know your “SOV” from “SUV”? Go experience David A. Prior’s Sledgehammer and Christopher Lewis’ Blood Cult — because “watch” is not a strong enough word for it — and get back to me.

winnerstapeall1The subtitular stepsiblings of Winners Tape All: The Henderson Brothers Story are the slobby Michael and uptight Richard (respectively played by co-writers and Faces of Schlock co-stars Zane Crosby and Josh Lively), being profiled on a public-access cable station in West Virginia. With Chris LaMartina (director of the equally faux and fabulous WNUF Halloween Special) acting as Henry, their No. 1 fan, the newsmagazine reunites the boys, who reminisce about their pioneering ways in the 1980s. In a nutshell, it was inevitable they take a stab at shooting their own slasher movies after renting so many of them in their formative years. Particularly influential was I Piss on Your Guts: “Wanna know what the best part of that movie was? When he pisses on his guts.”

Their big-box career may have been brief, but their efforts live immortal, as we witness via prodigious clips of both Michael’s directorial debut, The Curse of Stabberman, and its sophomore slump of a follow-up, Cannibal Swim Club. Unsurprisingly, these bits combine for much of Winners’ 67 minutes of running time and nearly as many earned laughs. It is more difficult to make authentic “bad” footage than it looks, but director/co-writer Justin Channell (Die and Let Live) possesses just the right touch to have his characters convey earnestness and delusion. In love with its own losers, Winners Tape All starts and finishes as a winner itself. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Bunny the Killer Thing (2015)

bunnythingBecause we only live once, you may think you shouldn’t deny yourself the opportunity to see what a movie about a genetically mutated rabbit-human hybrid might be like. If that’s the case, you may as well just get it over with now, via Bunny the Killer Thing.

The Finnish film depicts what happens when a writer (Gareth Lawrence) arriving at a remote cabin in the snowy wild for seclusion and inspiration instead is kidnapped and subjected to an injection that turns him into a bunny monster with a murderous streak and an oversized penis. Much to the misfortune of the young party people on holiday nearby, he longs to utilize both.

bunnything1Expanded from a 2011 short, Bunny the Killer Thing comes courtesy jack-of-all-trades filmmaker Joonas Makkonen. With some two dozen shorts under this directorial belt, he makes his first feature here, which shows in how repetitive the picture quickly becomes as Makkonen struggles to reach a passable running time. His single idea is stretched past the point of breaking. It’s not even that good an idea to begin with — the creature is, yes, but not the misogynist madness exhibited as it hits women and slaps them unconscious with its engorged member, all the while exclaiming either “Pussy!” or “Fresh pussy!” or, one presumes for the sake of coining a culture-penetrative catchphrase, “Who’s gotta bigger digga?”

This infantile approach to splatter comedy squanders Bunny’s initial promise — one that hints at becoming another cult favorite on the level of Dead Snow or Rare Exports. It looks fantastic, yet feels written by two middle schoolers giggling at their own juvenile jokes in the back row of math class. Sorry, Bunny, but you’ve earned no carrot. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Holidays (2016)

holidaysFollowing the sleeper success of such slashers as Black Christmas, Halloween and Friday the 13th, the 1980s imitators leapt to claim whatever boxes were left on the calendar, resulting in New Year’s Evil, My Bloody Valentine, April Fool’s Day, Happy Birthday to Me, Graduation Day, etc.

This dash to co-op every conceivable festivity was so pervasive, Mad magazine spoofed this subgenre with a 1981 all-in-one parody titled Arbor Day; I’m half-surprised it remained up for grabs. I’m also half-surprised that the horror anthology Holidays wasn’t able to make room for that tree-commemorating celebration among the tales that do comprise this fun film. Nine more or less indie directors participate, and while crazed killers aren’t necessarily their subjects, a year of fear is covered nonetheless.

For the first segment, “Valentine’s Day,” Starry Eyes co-directors Kevin Kolsch and Dennis Widmyer provide an EC Comics twist to its story of a lovestruck high school outcast (newcomer Madeleine Coghlan). Affairs of the heart also go under the microscope in Some Kind of Hate helmer Adam Egypt Mortimer’s closer, “New Year’s Eve,” set in the lonely, cruel world of online dating. Suspend your disbelief that a young woman as cute as Lorenza Izzo (The Green Inferno) would have trouble finding someone with whom to hit the town.

holidays1Three tales depend on technology, assuming one still views the Walkman as such. That’s what Jocelin Donahue (The House of the Devil) dons in order to follow a cassette tape of mysterious instructions left to her decades before by her dad (Tremors’ Michael Gross), in the haunting “Father’s Day,” from visual effects artist Anthony Scott Burns (The Last Exorcism Part II). Meanwhile, post-Tusk, Kevin Smith again dips his feet in shits-and-giggles gore as webcam sex workers (one of whom is played by his own daughter, Harley Quinn Smith) plot pimp revenge for “Halloween.” In the darkly comedic “Christmas,” from Dark Skies’ Scott Stewart, a harried suburban dad (Seth Green, TV’s Robot Chicken) goes to extreme lengths to acquire the hottest gadget of the season.

More memorable is a pair of segments on motherhood. In Dracula Untold director Gary Shore’s “St. Patrick’s Day,” a single teacher (Ruth Bradley, Grabbers) is baby-hungry to a disturbing fault. On the flip side, the woman at the heart of “Mother’s Day” (co-directed by The Midnight Swim’s Sarah Adina Smith and first-timer Ellen Reid) gets pregnant every time she has sex. Finally, for sheer fright, look no further than the Jesus Bunny, who/which terrorizes “Easter” in the short shocker from The Pact’s Nicholas McCarthy.

Each segment’s title is rendered via original, illustrated greeting cards — when you care enough to send the very beast. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Snakes on a Plane (2006)

snakesplaneSomeday, I’m convinced, a book — not just a chapter, but an entire book — will chronicle the amazing, without-precedent story of Snakes on a Plane. How the Internet convinced New Line Cinema to forgo the original title of Flight 121. How the Internet then convinced the studio to chase an R rating, specifically by adding a ready-to-bake catchphrase for star Samuel L. Jackson in the instantly immortal “I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!” How the Internet went meme-bonkers with anticipation for months leading up to the movie’s release. And then, after all that, how the Internet didn’t even bother to show up to see it.

And maybe that book will address the actual quality of the film, which is the one thing surrounding Snakes that often goes unmentioned. Instead, people talk of the “fan” videos, the “fan” T-shirts, the promotional trick where you could have (a recording of) Jackson place a phone call to whomever you wanted, the puzzle book tie-ins, the soundtrack album with the supremely silly theme by emo “supergroup” Cobra Starship. It’s almost as if everyone was so caught up in and/or beholden to the hype, they forgot a movie existed in its creamy center.

Yet one did! It’s fine, but nothing to write memes about.

snakesplane1Leaving Honolulu for Los Angeles, South Pacific flight 121 is carrying a Jennings Lang-worthy set of passengers and crew members, including an attendant on her final shift (Julianna Marguiles, Ghost Ship). Because FBI Agent Flynn (Jackson, The Hateful Eight) is court-chaperoning a dude-bro (Nathan Phillips, Chernobyl Diaries) who witnessed a mob hit, said mob has checked some killer baggage: deadly snakes hidden in boxes of pheromone-spiked flowers to get them all horny and hot-to-bite everybody, everywhere.

A kitty cat is first to go, which I’m totally onboard with, because that means it can’t leap from the shadows for a clichéd jump scare. Then they slither their way toward actual humans, from a couple angling for mile-high club membership to a poor guy who just needs to drain his bladder. (Takeaway: When your next flight is invaded by snakes, stay out of the restroom.)

What keeps the eventual chaos from being the fun it should be — especially with Final Destination 2’s David R. Ellis at the helm — is twofold: repetition as maddening as being grounded on the tarmac and the fact that the title creatures look so fake, they may as well be cartoons. Once Jackson has had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane, so have we … with yet another third or more on the horizon. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Nature Girl and the Slaver (1957)

naturegirlA sequel to Liane, Jungle Goddess from one year earlier, Nature Girl and the Slaver presents — with a generous use of seashells — the continuing adventures of its cut-rate female Tarzan. Played by Marion Michael, the white-skinned, blonde-haired Liane — or Diane, as the English dub of this German/Italian co-production calls her — lives peacefully with a primitive native tribe as their unwritten honky ruler.

Also acting as our narrator for instant story immersion, a meaty police inspector (Adrian Hoven, Jess Franco’s Succubus) flies over to help break up the slave-trading game going on … and maybe fall in love, as he figures Liane/Diane could go a long way in assisting his peace talks.

naturegirl1Or something like that. At barely over an hour, Nature Girl (aka Jungle Girl and the Slaver) is too limited a time to explore real-world issues. Besides, that’s not what movies of this ilk were about; they were intended to take advantage of their foreign setting in order to satiate the male moviegoer’s desire in seeing some tit. Although barely covered by her hair and the aforementioned shells, Liane does not bare her breasts (a good thing, considering how underage she appears), whereas literally dozens of black women go completely topless and dance around with no regard to the effects of gravity and motion. In essence, director Hermann Leitner has delivered an issue of National Geographic come to dusty life, replete with stock footage of wild animals inserted willy-nilly, with no one shot matching those bookending it.

This nonchalance carries over to Leitner’s treatment of his heroine; Michael plays Liane smart and fluent in one scene, only to shift to bone-stupid and monosyllabic the next. At least half of Nature Girl and the Slaver’s benign enjoyment is the disinterested dub, so comical in nature that at first, the film sounds like a Mad Movies performance of loving mockery. If there’s a chapter that deserves such skewering, however, it’s the third and final chapter, 1961’s Liane, Daughter of the Jungle, which edits the previous two adventures into one. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.