Don’t be dissuaded that The House of Clocks is a film Lucio Fulci directed for cable television. After all, HBO’s infinite Real Sex series is directed for cable television. In other words, none of the Italian-baked horror master’s sensibilities is toned down. To assure you, an early scene depicts a woman being stabbed in the hoohah, and her baby-making parts — looking not unlike bait-shop wares — spill out.
To turn back the clock a bit, the titular abode belongs to Mr. and Mrs. Corsini (Cannibal Holocaust’s Paolo Paoloni and Damned in Venice’s Bettine Milne), an elderly couple who have used their wealth to fill their mansion with 70 years’ worth of antique clocks. They also have their nephew and niece there, off in a separate room where they can rot in relative peace, even with the railroad spikes that protrude from their necks.
Enter three young ruffians: two guys, one girl. These shoplifting, pot-smoking, cat-in-plastic-bag-trapping punks burst into the place to rob the Corsinis blind, but accidentally kill them, too. At the moment of the old geezers’ murder, the clocks freeze. Soon, their hands inexplicably move backward, thereby enabling the deceased Corsinis to take their revenge. Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives.
Goreophobes need not bother setting a date for this one, as it’s as brutal and bloody as Fulci’s famed filmography. Once the senior citizens start to lash back at their uninvited guests, The House of Clocks isn’t located that far from The House by the Cemetery or any of the director’s other zombie works. This one isn’t as good as those, but his fans will enjoy its over-the-top bloodletting. If you thought the “spring forward” portion of daylight saving time was a shock to your system, imagine how bad it would be under this roof. —Rod Lott
Some filmmakers find their creative niche early and stick with it to the end. Take Jeremy Joe Kronsberg, who catapulted to Hollywood fame as the screenwriter behind one of Clint Eastwood’s biggest hits, 
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That’s not all. The kids hear weird sounds emanating from the maze while they’re trying to sleep. Things really escalate when their 8-year-old brother can’t be found, leading to a too-long run through the dark. (Hope you like night vision!) 
Inspector Pontaine (Humphrey Bogart lookalike Robert Sacchi, in his debut) continues to hunt for the real killer, taking him from the bosom of 
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Even club hostess and former stripper Alex (Natasha Henstridge) assumes he’s Mikhail, and thus, throws herself at him because she’s the dead dude’s GF. Alain, however, backs off from her advances, which is how you know this is not based on a true story. Later, however, after he spots a peek at her fabulously real breasts while she changes clothes, Alain’s into the idea of letting her rub her