While being date-raped, heretofore virgin Helen (Fiona Horsey) notices suddenly that the pain has suddenly stopped. That’s because her date has been eaten in full by her very hungry genitalia. Such is Angst.
“He vanished, into thin air,” a baffled Helen relates to her doctor, who answers, “Inside your vagina?” Then he, too, tries to molest her, and is, er, snatched up as well. Same goes for her stepfather when he tries to put the moves on her. Once Helen’s private parts start talking to her (“Feed me!”), she tries to silence it by spraying bleach all up in there.
And when that doesn’t work, she simply gives in and becomes a ho-bag to keep her vagina satisfied. About the most graphic it gets is when a john can’t get his now-ridiculously elongated tongue loose from that which exists between her legs. The image is like something out of a Tex Avery cartoon … well, if not for the vagina dentata plot, the rampant nudity, the exploitation of women, the rough language, and all that other stuff.
Originally titled Penetration Angst, this shit- shot-on-video snorer is hardly the first talking-vag flick (Chatterbox, anyone?), but it’s definitely the worst. “What a fucking mess!” screams one woman with about eight agonizing minutes left to go. My sentiments exactly. —Rod Lott
How do you know 
Later, Ken and Jenny check it out by boating over to the island where atomic waste products are dumped and get their answer: shiny, silver Sleestak-like creatures with crossed eyes too close together, mouths that do not move, and no genitals whatsoever. 
Stick a spider in a movie, and I’ll see it. While this movie’s title (
They enter the shuttle wreckage and then the bowels of the secret base, only to find themselves trapped and menaced by this very angry, very aggressive, big-ass spider, who seems to be growing in size at an alarming rate. The U.S. Army’s also running around looking for the thing, so the movie quickly becomes a mix of 
It was because of 
Tiffani-Amber Thiessen, looking pudgy and threatening to squeak out of her strapless blouses, has the Courtney Cox role as a sexpot reporter to Tom Arnold’s doofus of a security guard. It’s pretty sad when someone like Arnold makes the rest of the cast look like amateurs — including a pre-
Here’s how much of a true musketeer movie 
Then there’s Burt Aramis (Cheech Marin), the stereotypical Mexican thief who fences VCRs and jewelry, and ends conversations with the baffling “It’s been a slice!” When he steals the fabled titular item that’s passed down from generation to generation, he has no choice but to join them in their adventures, which include saving a kidnapped 9-year-old boy whose captors feed him dog food on white bread. Two other missions come their way, including one with Corbin Bernsen acting coked-out, which strengthen our “failed TV series” theory.