Tales from the Apocalypse (2023)

Although Tales from the Apocalypse is a collection of shorts versus a proper anthology, its five stories share a factor: indifference. At least all but one look fantastic, and that odd man out serves up rust-colored desolation on purpose.

In William Hellmuth’s Gravity-esque Alone, the bunch’s best, the sole survivor of an exploded ship is marooned in a lifepod, sucked close toward a black hole by the second. As she nears certain doom, she converses with a cartographer who picks up her mayday signal. Coming to grips with possible death post-devastation also carries Damon Duncan’s Cradle, so stacking it atop Alone was not the wisest choice, even if it does have a cool robot spider.

Sporting the aforementioned layer of grime is Gabriel Kalim Mucci’s Lunatique, free of dialogue as an armored woman hunts a creature on a windy planet the color of dirt. From Susie Jones, the YA-influenced New Mars posits a future of forced marriages upon teens. Finally, Lin Sun’s Earth 2035 considers the difference between AI and humans: “Humanity,” says a doctor in a moment intended as Deep and Important, but lands as a pretentious punchline with the impact of a greeting card.

Nothing wrong with sci-fi being serious, but the contents of Tales from the Apocalypse (aka Episodes from Apocalypse, despite “apocalypse” being debatable) hold little wonder or imagination. On a purely technical level, they succeed with effects often superb. However, I can’t shake the feeling I was watching calling cards and demo reels rather than shorts where scripting merited as much attention. —Rod Lott

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Terrified (1962)

Part of the Crown International Pictures library, Terrified is one of those movies where 30-something teenyboppers carry a flashlight and ask “What was that?” In other words, I dug it, even though there’s not much to it.

Rumors abound of a ski-masked maniac haunting a nearby ghost town and committing various felonies and misdemeanors. He’s also known to make people lose their minds, turning them “into a slobbering oyster.” And yet the script gives characters wonky reasons to go check the place out, especially at night. A college student (Rod Lauren, Black Zoo) is writing a midterm on fear .. and gets some firsthand learning! A hostess (Tracy Olsen, Journey to the Center of Time) just wants to talk to caretaker Crazy Bill … and finds him impaled to death on spikes!

In his final directorial gig, Lew Landers (1935’s The Raven) wrings all the mileage possible from the ghost town setting. With rotted floors and flooded rooms, its wooden buildings function as traps for our madman’s unlimited use. His all-black balaclava presages several slashers, from 1978’s The Toolbox Murders to 2009’s The Collector, but don’t go looking for gore.

Terrified’s lack of names in the cast (the biggest, Denver Pyle, comes fifth-billed as the sheriff) should work to its advantage, but the killer’s identity is simple to surmise. —Rod Lott

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The Dogman Triangle: Werewolves in the Lone Star State (2023)

File under “news to me”: Sightings of a cryptid called “the Dogman” triangulate among a 700-square-foot slice of Texas. Seth Breedlove’s Small Town Monsters shingle is on the case, offering yet another speculative documentary with high production values and no smoking gun.

For The Dogman Triangle: Werewolves in the Lone Star State, we follow Aaron Deese, who literally wrote the book on the subject, and Shannon LeGro (from Breedlove’s On the Trail of UFOs: Dark Sky), an investigator going in cold. Firsthand and secondhand witnesses describe an “instantly terrifying” creature standing upright with glowing eyes and bloody teeth. Expert Lyle Blackburn (Breedlove’s Skinwalker: The Howl of the Rougarou) opines the Dogman could be a hairless bear, thanks to mange.

Momo: The Missouri Monster, the first Small Town Monsters doc I saw, spoiled us with its Boggy Creek-style reenactments. Here, interviews are supplemented largely with drawings. Evidence consists of photos of footprints; an audio-only clip of howling; and a cataract-blurry, low-contrast video of Something Moving in the Distance. Again, nothing verifiable or scientifically sound — but that’s not the point of these projects.

The Dogman Triangle ends with an onscreen quote from H.P. Lovecraft, which is cool, set in the Papyrus font, which is not. —Rod Lott

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The Tank (2023)

Although made in New Zealand, The Tank is set on the coast of Oregon, U.S. of A. There stands a dilapidated house Ben has inherited from his late mother. Since he never knew it existed, Ben (Matt Whalen, Hugh Hefner in TV’s American Playboy) drives up with his wife (Luciane Buchanan, TV’s The Night Agent) and their daughter (Zara Nausbaum) to see the property.

Accessible by movable tile in the yard is a dark, spacious well with nipple-deep water. And, as they come to find, an oily, amphibious, turd-shaped creature with a vaginal mouth baring teeth like stubby needles. As played by circus performer Regina Hegemann in a suit, this thing keeps The Tank from sinking and viewers on their toes; CGI simply would immediately neuter the suspense that writer/director Scott Walker (The Frozen Ground) skillfully builds.

The monster’s attacks are forceful and furtive, sometimes stemming from a crouch like a spider, waiting to pounce. Scenes where characters slosh through the titular tank prove especially effective, as if Jaws were in an enclosed space. Er, let’s make that Jaws 2, lest you read that as a top-to-bottom endorsement. Walker hasn’t built The Tank to perform like a lightning-bolt blockbuster; it’s a slow burn that runs hot when it needs to. Remember, patience is a virtue. —Rod Lott

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The Worst We Can Find: MST3K, Rifftrax, and the History of Heckling at the Movies

I completely understand why a chunk of cult-film fandom loathes Mystery Science Theater 3000; to paraphrase singer and arrest magnet Bobby Brown, that’s their prerogative. Speaking for myself, however, I wouldn’t be here — as in, this site — without it, as the TV show introduced me to a netherworld of movies I was unaware of, and pushed me to discover more. (You can read more about that in the introduction to my book, Flick Attack Movie Arsenal.)

Needless to say, you know right away whether Dale Sherman’s The Worst We Can Find: MST3K, Rifftrax, and the History of Heckling at the Movies is for you. The paperback is new from Applause Theatre & Cinema Books, his frequent publisher (Armageddon Films FAQ, Quentin Tarantino FAQ, et al.).

Despite the subtitle, this is the history of Joel Hodgson’s long-running Peabody Award-winning series first and foremost, with everything else adjacent or tangential. In fact, skip the first chapter on the origins of heckling (if the phrase “According to Merriam-Webster” doesn’t make you do so already) and get right into the goods with a look at MST3K precursors, from Woody Allen’s What’s Up, Tiger Lily? to the syndicated TV show Mad Movies with the L.A. Connection. (Speaking of, Mike White’s 2014 book of the same name covers even more forerunners.)

From there, Sherman paints a full picture of the series’ evolution from local UHF sensation in Minneapolis to the national stage, where it was juggled among a couple of channels, revived for streaming and resurrected yet again for its current, crowdfunded home on the internet. You may know all of that already, but Sherman fills in the details of the writing process, the constant budget constraints, how films were selected, which ones they admit didn’t work, why each cast member left, the in-fighting behind the scenes, the battles with Hollywood to make Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie and all the members’ side projects, riff-related or otherwise (mostly the former).

Even if Sherman didn’t conduct the interviews that revealed these details, he certainly did his homework. The Worst We Can Find gives a thorough overview of the series, breezing by at a level firmly between a cursory flyover and a nails-dirty dig into the weeds. Really, going straight down the middle is the right call: It’s accessible without lacking substance, and comprehensive without veering into the arcane or anal-retentive. So what if the author’s lightly peppered stabs at humor fizz like a day-old Dr Pepper? He’s writing about a show he loves so much, it’s natural Sherman get caught in the enthusiasm. If his passion hadn’t come through is when we would worry. —Rod Lott

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