The Revisionaries (2012)

revisionariesIn 2009, I was considering moving to Texas for a job offer. I decided not to pursue it, and Don McLeroy is one reason why — seriously.

His name may not be known to you, but his actions are. He was the Texas State Board of Education member who put his personal ideology before the brains of Lone Star youth, in order to force a number of utterly ridiculous changes to the public school system’s history textbooks. His main target was the theory of evolution, but his beefs didn’t stick to matters best left to the pulpit. For example, whether he realized it or not, his xenophobia was showing in asking to replace a book’s mention of “hip-hop” to “country music.” (Lord forbid the children know the existence of rap! Or colored people!)

revisionaries1Any sane politician would be aghast at what McLeroy proposed; the trouble was, not many of McLeroy’s fellow board members appeared to be. Scott Thurman’s documentary The Revisionaries chronicles the Austin dentist-cum-politician’s crusade — make no mistake; that’s what this was — from inside the board’s meeting rooms. What merely nauseated you on news soundbites in 2009 will sicken you extended to 92 minutes.

I don’t consider Thurman’s film to be an attack on religion — after all, he lets both sides tell their stories — but I do consider it an attack on hypocrisy. Shouldn’t legislators leave the Sunday-school lessons to, you know, church? Time and taxpayer dollars would be better spent working to fix society’s real problems. —Rod Lott

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Night of the Demons 2 (1994)

nightdemons2While his Catholic school roomies are obsessed with copping a feel, Perry (Bobby Jacoby, Tremors) is obsessed with conjuring a demon — specifically, Angela (role-reprising Amelia Kinkade), the satanic seductress who wrought hell in 1988’s Night of the Demons. Ozploitation pioneer Brian Trenchard-Smith (Dead End Drive-In) takes the reins from Kevin S. Tenney to direct this follow-up.

Like the original, Night of the Demons 2 is set on Halloween night. At St. Rita’s Academy, that means a big dance. But when some of the students sin their way out of an invitation, they aren’t about to let some yardstick-wielding nun rain on their parade; instead, they go to Hull House, the abandoned abode still haunted by Angela. Being dragged there is the unpopular, mousy Melissa (Merle Kennedy, May), Angela’s orphaned sister.

nightdemons21Not entirely the same story retread, Night of the Demons 2 distinguishes itself with better actors (including The Brady Bunch Movie‘s Christine Taylor, aka Mrs. Ben Stiller, as a snooty prude), better effects (including a lipstick tube that looks like a dog’s erection) and better breasts (Linnea Quigley has nothing on Zoe Trilling or Cristi Harris). It also has more inventive death sequences. For instance, I’ve seen plenty of movies in which a horny guy grabs a pair of boobs, but never before have I seen a pair of boobs grabbing a horny guy. Another EC Comics-style standout has one unfortunate boy playing basketball with own head; on the downside, this unleashes sports puns galore, each more groan-inducing than the one before.

Trenchard-Smith loses focus in the third act as he allows returning screenwriter Joe Augustyn to steer the material toward self-parody (example: Sister Gloria, played by Heathers‘ Jennifer Rhodes, busts out some martial-arts moves), but I suppose that’s all part of the fun. As with its predecessor, Night of the Demons 2 is one of those rare horror films that feels like a Halloween party in itself. —Rod Lott

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Dead Man Down (2013)

deadmandownHad I known Dead Man Down were a WWE Studios production, I would not have put off seeing it. The fake-wrassling empire’s movies can be loads of fun — that is, when they don’t take themselves too seriously. This one takes itself too seriously.

Set in the chunk-strewn melting pot of New York City, the glossy thriller unspools as a twisted romance of sorts between Hungarian engineer Victor (Colin Farrell, Seven Psychopaths) and French beautician Beatrice (Noomi Rapace, Prometheus). They’re cross-the-way apartment neighbors, each of whom thirsts for personal revenge. He’s been working undercover in the criminal enterprise (led by Prisoners‘ Terrence Howard) that killed his wife and daughter two years prior, and it’s only a matter of time before his co-workers figure out his true identity.

deadmanddown1Meanwhile, Beatrice isn’t above blackmailing Victor to kill the drunk driver who served only three weeks’ time for an collision that left her face a map of scars. As befitting a Hollywood film with $30 million behind it, Rapace still looks beautiful with her character’s “disfigurement,” one that makes her a target of neighborhood kids who throw rocks at her and scream, “Monster!” Frankenstein, she is not. Also in true Tinseltown fashion, the opening set piece is one of those slow-motion shoot-outs in which gunfire is exchanged amid a downpour of Benjamins.

Overlong by half an hour and burdened with a script (by The Mexican‘s J.H. Wyman) that doesn’t connect all its dots, Dead Man Down imperceptibly but surely wears down the viewer with its averageness. Reunited with Rapace after 2009’s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Danish director Niels Arden Oplev makes a bid for American success, only to be suffocated by the system’s needless excess. At least he did his job by making it look slick. —Rod Lott

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The Lair of the White Worm (1988)

lairwhitewormWhile based on Bram Stoker’s 1911 novel, his final, The Lair of the White Worm is such a different beast in the meaty hands of British writer/director Ken Russell, the author would blush at the hard-R results, if not faint outright.

In a bravura turn, Amanda Donohoe (Liar Liar) slithers her way through this ribald tale of the reptilian threat as Lady Sylvia Marsh, a wealthy, seductive woman who returns to her English mansion soon after the skull of the village’s legendary D’Ampton Worm is excavated by visiting archaeologist Angus Flint (Peter Capaldi, aka TV’s 12th Doctor Who) at a nearly B&B.

lairwhiteworm1It so happens that the quaint inn is built over the site of an ancient convent, and it so happens that Sssssssylvia is a snake woman who was part of it. Baring needle-sharp fangs and spitting hallucinogens when she needs to, she belongs to the cult that worshipped the giant worm. Now that its head has been unearthed, she just needs to sacrifice a virgin to resurrect the monster from its hidey hole; Eve (Catherine Oxenberg, TV’s Dynasty), girlfriend of Lord James D’Ampton (a baby-faced Hugh Grant, Cloud Atlas), looks to fit the bill.

Continuing in the sacrilegious tradition of his most controversial picture, The Devils, Russell is gleefully go-for-broke in this low-budget hot mess of high camp. It’s okay to laugh at it — clearly, that was his intent — but prepare to be taken aback by it as well. Triggered by a touch of Sylvia’s venom, scenes of psychedelic nightmares set out to shock with profane images of nuns being raped, Sylvia suggestively sucking a spear and poor Jesus Christ not just having to deal with being nailed to a cross, but the oversized serpent wrapping around him.

Subtlety was thankfully absent from Lair‘s call sheets. What little audiences it had didn’t know what to make of it, and many still don’t. For the rest of us, it’s a hoot and a half, fulfilling where Russell’s 1986 companion piece, Gothic, was fatuous, and even more insane than the filmmaker. —Rod Lott

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Sinemania!: A Satirical Exposé of the Lives of the Most Outlandish Movie Directors: Welles, Hitchcock, Tarantino, and More!

sinemaniaA few images from Canadian cartoonist Sophie Cossette’s delightfully naughty Sinemania!: A Satirical Exposé of the Lives of the Most Outlandish Movie Directors threaten to stick with me for a while:
• Quentin Tarantino’s monstrous Franken-forehead;
• Bela Lugosi tweaking, jutted tongue and all;
• Erich von Stroheim as a spider, writing “I’m fucked,”
• and Rainer Werner Fassbinder’s furry testicles.

Yes, furry.

See, in her comic-book collection of biographical sketches of Hollywood directors, she takes on everyone and spares no one. Unless you’re one of her subjects, that’s a good thing.

sinemania1A talented satirist but a more talented illustrator, Cossette spends a few pages to send up each target, including such auteurs as Roman Polanski, Sam Peckinpah, Woody Allen, Pier Paolo Pasolini and Werner Herzog. Fritz Lang’s sexual peccadilloes result in him being portrayed as a vampire (“And I can only reach orgasm with the taste of blood in my mouth!”), while the career of Tim Burton is encapsulated into a board game (“You feel the alienation of suburbia so go hang yourself!”).

Only in her imaginary tête-à-tit with Russ Meyer does Cossette go too far, calling the dead man an “Alzheimer’s retard.” It’s a low blow made lower because most of her lines read far wittier. I laughed a great deal through Sinemania! and, when I didn’t, thoroughly enjoyed the experience with a smile. The lone exception is “Love at First Bark,” an extended piece that pits Marlene Dietrich against Madonna, to no earned payoff.

But the rest? I’m crying out for sequels, plural. In structure, ECW Press’ trade paperback reminded me of DC Comics’ late, lamented The Big Book of series the company released through its Paradox Press imprint, but in execution, it should be viewed as a hard-R issue of Mad magazine or a cartoon version of Kenneth Anger’s underground classic Hollywood Babylon. Either way, the cynical film buff in you wins. —Rod Lott

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