Metamorphosis (1990)

metamorphosisIn the professorial environment of higher ed, the ol’ chestnut is “publish or perish.” It’s not meant to be taken literally. In defense of Dr. Peter Houseman, he doesn’t set out to take it that way.

Played with narcotized indifference by Beyond Darkness’ Gene LeBrock (as Tom Cruise-ian as Peter Facinelli, but with era-apropos feathered hair), Houseman is a Virginia University genetics professor on the verge of creating an anti-aging serum. When the administration threatens to cut his funding if he can’t cough up findings, he skips further studies on monkeys and proceeds directly to introducing modified DNA to his own bloodstream. Using a footlong syringe, he injects the juice through his eyeball, and doesn’t so much as blink or flinch, presumably because he’s a Sexy Faculty Member bursting with testosterone-soaked spermatozoa. Because we’ve seen David Cronenberg’s The Fly, we know things won’t go well.

metamorphosis1Directed by George Eastman (screenwriter and star of Joe D’Amato’s Anthropophagus and its Horrible sequel), Metamorphosis doesn’t place The Fly on the Xerox machine as much as it openly copies off its test paper. Subbing for Geena Davis is Catherine Baranov, remarkably adequate for a one-credit actress (and if the Internet Movie Database is to be believed, a waitress at the hotel where the cast and crew slept during the shoot). Look for former Emanuelle Laura Gemser in a bit part as a prostitute overpowered by our truly mad scientist.

While we’re on the subject on all things overwhelming, the synth-driven score (with occasional cowbell) by Pahamian (aka Women’s Prison Massacre composer Luigi Ceccarelli) is so loud, it possesses the power to drown out dialogue. Worthy of praise, however, is the effects work by Maurizio Trani; a frequent collaborator of Lucio Fulci, Trani provides rather impressive makeup for the metamorphosing Houseman as he ventures from mere Hulk eyes to Sleestak face to … well, you’ll just have to see it. And fans of maniacal-medicine movies should. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

The Cinematic Misadventures of Ed Wood

edwoodmisadvI thought that Rudolph Grey’s now-classic Nightmare of Ecstasy was the only book one needed to read about Ed Wood. I was wrong.

Andrew J. Rausch and Charles E. Pratt have proven as much with The Cinematic Misadventures of Ed Wood — not a biography, but a film-by-film examination of the crazed career of the legendary “bad” filmmaker. What sets it apart is the authors’ assertion that while Wood’s talent could not match his ambition, his passion is worthy of respect. After all, here we are, decades later, still watching and talking about his much-maligned movies, even if his reputation is not entirely earned or fair. For example, as wanting it is in polish, 1959’s Plan 9 from Outer Space is hardly the worst picture ever to grace the cinema screens, as it has been called.

Or, as Ted Newsom puts it in his immensely lively foreword, “How much can you say? He tried, mostly failed, then died.” But he gave it a shot.

In covering each movie in which Wood was involved (including those he did not direct), Rausch and Pratt note recurring themes that pop up throughout his CV: a distaste for homosexuality, despite his own plea for his cross-dressing fetish to be accepted; apple-pie morality, often forced with heavy hands; and a rather peculiar idea as to what passes for erotic, including the actual pornos he scripted.

Other themes don’t pop up until a rock-bottom Wood entered his X-rated phase: namely, “grotesquely hairy” asses.

More often than not, the authors’ synopses provide more entertainment than the movies. This is evident from the start, when they intro Wood’s 1953 debut: “With Glen or Glenda? Wood first proved his unique inability to tell a coherent story.” Later, 1969’s Love Feast makes the most out of what sounds like the least sexy scenario in sexploitation history: “The two beautiful women are completely naked while [Wood] resumes crawling around amongst them wearing only unappealing baggy underwear. … When he leaves to answer the door, the two models left on the bed begin to kiss each other passionately in an overly-long scene that reminded us of a mother bird trying to feed her hungry chick.”

Most memorably, of his faux sex-ed skin flick of ’71, The Undergraduate: “One of the film’s most (only?) interesting scenes features a narrator quoting from the Bible as a man’s testicles are massaged on screen. This is surreal as all hell.”

No matter the movie or the era, expect “illogical” and its variants to be bandied about like a badminton cock.

Quibbles with the BearManor release are minor and twofold: Too many rhetorical questions are posed, and it doesn’t quite make sense to me that 1978’s Hot Ice is excluded from the circus just because he served as assistant director. No matter, though — Misadventures still has plenty to offer, finishing off with a handful of interviews that includes the aforementioned Grey and one-half of the screenwriting duo behind Tim Burton’s Oscar-winning Ed Wood biopic.

For those keeping track of such things, Misadventures marks Rausch’s second book this summer, following Trash Cinema: A Celebration of Overlooked Masterpieces, also heartily recommended. Based upon this pair, I hope he keeps forgoing sleep. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon or BearManor Media.

4 Dick Tracy Movies from RKO Pictures

dicktracycueballDick Tracy! Calling Dick Tracy!

Long before Warren Beatty gave us his big-budget, candy-coated adaptation of the legendary and long-running Chester Gould comic strip, Morgan Conway and Ralph Byrd donned the yellow fedora of homicide detective Dick Tracy in a series of four films.

RKO Pictures was “true to the flavor” of the funny papers without resorting to camp. While the studio didn’t exactly nail it, it didn’t botch the job, either. Each pic clocks in at one hour, give or take — just the right length for these none-too-complex crime stories.

dicktracydetectiveDick Tracy, Detective (1945)
With Conway starring, Dick Tracy, Detective is hot on the trail of the slasher Splitface (The Centerfold Girls’ Mike Mazurki), so named for his hideous facial scar. Two die before Tracy starts to get wise, nabbing the villain with the help of wannabe-private eye Junior, and rescuing true love Tess Trueheart (Anne Jeffreys, Zombies on Broadway) in the process.

Dick Tracy’s Dilemma (1947)
Following the theft of a bunch of furs in an insurance scam, square-jawed Tracy (Byrd, who also played the hero in the serials and the TV show) is on the hunt for The Claw, (Jack Lambert, 1946’s The Killers), a burly, hulking bad guy with a metal hook for a hand, in Dick Tracy’s Dilemma. The utensil comes in handy for knocking people out and cutting up their faces. Meanwhile, Tess (Kay Christopher, Gasoline Alley) gets stood up repeatedly because Dick’s priorities are all out of whack, and has to spend much of her time with effeminate actor Vitamin Flintheart (Ian Keith, It Came from Beneath the Sea), who likes to perform Shakespeare monologues. But of course he does. All in all, it’s a painless hour of good-ol’-fashioned fun.

dicktracygruesomeDick Tracy vs. Cueball (1946)
Essentially, Dilemma is a carbon copy of the previous year’s Dick Tracy vs. Cueball, right down to the bumbling cop sidekick who gets hit over the head by the bad guy so often, it’s a wonder he’s alive, still on the force and without a cap in his ass. In Cueball, the main villain is the burly, hulking, bald baddie Cueball (Dick Wessel, TV’s Riverboat), thick-neck-deep in a stolen-diamonds scam. Vitamin even shows up to make some remarks about wanting to be a woman. But of course he does.

Dick Tracy Meets Gruesome (1947)
Finally, in Dick Tracy Meets Gruesome, ex-con Gruesome (Frankenstein’s monster himself, Boris Karloff) leads a trio of bank robbers who commit their crimes thanks to a formula that causes people to freeze. As one might guess, Gruesome is sillier than the others, filled with jokey names like Professor A. Tomic; his assistant, I.M. Learned; and the taxidermist Y. Stuffem. And if Tracy (Byrd) works homicide, what’s he doing investigating a bank robbery?

In all four films, virtually every man wears a hat. —Rod Lott

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Death Race (2008)

deathraceIb Melchior’s short story “The Racer” — the source material for 1975’s Roger Corman-produced cult classic Death Race 2000 — doesn’t even receive credit in the 2008 remake Death Race until the very end. No big deal — it bears little resemblance to the story, anyway.

That 10-pager — I first encountered it in the Forrest J. Ackerman-edited anthology Reel Future — is little more than a quick morality tale, about Hank and Willie, two guys with a car equipped with bull’s horns on the front, competing in a cross-country race in which scores are obtained by mowing down pedestrians. They’re skilled at making kills until one of them starts imagining the face of his daughter on all of their targets, and decries his participation.

deathrace1For Corman, screenwriter Charles B. Griffith (The Little Shop of Horrors) and director Paul Bartel (Eating Raoul) just took that core idea of the race and amped it up with a bevy of colorful characters with crazy names — Hank or Willie simply wouldn’t do — like Frankenstein, Machine Gun Joe, Calamity Jane, Matilda the Hun and Nero the Hero. They also kept the bull’s horns.

For Hollywood’s big-budget remake and these PC times, however, mowing down innocent people for sport won’t do, so writer/director Paul W.S. Anderson (Resident Evil) makes his competition internal, in an enclosed track on a prison island. The drivers are hardened criminals; five victories and freedom is granted, according to icy warden Joan Allen (Face/Off).

In the ’75 film, former Kung Fu master David Carradine was the star, a heavily scarred racer named Frankenstein who hid his face behind a mask for much of the film. In this ’08 model, Frankenstein is the race’s superstar, but it doesn’t matter much who’s behind the mask. When the first Frank dies in an earlier Death Race, the warden asks new felon Jensen Ames (original Transporter Jason Statham) to take the name and get behind the wheel. Of course, Statham looking like Statham, he only has to wear the mask in a couple of scenes because no one can see through the windows of his souped-up Ford Mustang.

The one element from Melchior’s tale that the new film makes use of is the idea of the daughter. Here, she’s a newborn, but she drives Ames’ conscience. It’s a little out of place and feels tacked on at the end, but doesn’t detract from a stupidly enjoyable hour and a half. Bartel’s film was an all-out satire; Anderson’s is an all-out actioner. Melchior’s “The Racer” lay not quite committed to either. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

The Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst (2015)

jinxTechnically, the year’s finest documentary isn’t even a movie, but a six-episode HBO miniseries: The Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst. I prefer to think of Andrew Jarecki’s project as a four-and-a-half-hour film; so binge-worthy is the true-crime narrative that you may wish to consume it in a single sitting, if not actually hunker down and do just that. Like the metaphorical cliché holds for many a hardcover whodunit, I just couldn’t put it down.

While Jarecki is best-known for his Oscar-nominated doc, 2003’s Capturing the Friedmans, he made a foray into more conventional filmmaking with the 2010 Ryan Gosling/Kirsten Dunst mystery, All Good Things, a fictionalized retelling of the Robert Durst saga. For those of us living outside the Big Apple’s haute ZIP codes, Durst long has been the scorned scion of his family’s eponymous real-estate empire. Following the limited release of Things — in which, it should be noted, Gosling plays a character named not Bob Durst, but David Marks — the press-avoiding Durst contacted Jarecki with a proposition: that the director interview him on camera, so that he could share his side of the story.

jinx1Given that Durst avoids the press, this move was highly unusual … and one he’s likely to regret deeply, if he doesn’t already.

See, despite his silver-spoon upbringing and all the millions that grew alongside him, Durst allegedly is a murderer three times over, yet somehow escaped arrest and/or prison sentencing each time, starting with his first wife, who disappeared in 1982, and most recently where The Jinx begins: with the 2001 discovery of a dismembered torso in Galveston Bay. Says one of many interviewees, “He’s not crazy. He’s diabolical.”

And endlessly fascinating. With black pools for eyes, the 70-something Durst is not entirely unsympathetic, even with the sky-high likelihood of committing such heinous, disturbing acts. Viewers may find themselves struggling with the realization that they feel a tinge of sorrow for him, even while recognizing that every sentence emerging from his mouth reeks of calculated bullshit.

The less you know about Durst going in, the more compelling The Jinx will be; even if you are familiar with its celebrated and controversial outcome, the series is riveting all the same. Remaining admirably epic while achieving cohesion, Jarecki’s Jinx owes a sizable debt to Errol Morris’ The Thin Blue Line; like that 1988 groundbreaker and Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky’s Paradise Lost trilogy, it stands as a work of extraordinary journalism, in which the doggedness of the filmmaker “writes” a new ending stranger than any fiction. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

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