Rightfully tanked, Josh Trank’s Fantastic Four reboot is so awful, it may be the worst Marvel Comics movie made. On the eve of opening weekend, the sophomore director of the sleeper hit Chronicle famously tweeted his way out of the studio’s favor, not to mention a lucrative Star Wars gig, by basically disowning his Four in 140 characters or less: “A year ago I had a fantastic version of this. And it would’ve recieved [sic] great reviews. You’ll probably never see it. That’s reality though.”
Somewhere, Oley Sassone shook his head and mutters to himself, “You want to talk reality? Hey, at least your movie got released.”
Sassone should know. He directed the first film version of The Fantastic Four. Not the 2005 summer smash with Jessica Alba and Chris Evans, but the 1994 one made with no stars and little money, but a lot of heart. That one, produced by Roger Corman, was shelved permanently and might never have been intended to see the light of day, depending upon whom you ask.
Well, Marty Langford asked, and the whole sordid affair is recalled and revealed in his documentary, Doomed!: The Untold Story of Roger Corman’s The Fantastic Four. While crowdfunded docs rarely rise higher than the level of “glorified DVD bonus” (assuming they aim that high at all), Doomed! is pretty polished and unexpectedly moving. Yes, that’s right: moving.
As conveyed through their candor, the ill-fated Four’s cast and crew were pumped about this project, in an age where not only did superhero cinema barely exist, but the entries that did were DC Comics properties: Richard Donner’s Superman, Tim Burton’s Batman and Wes Craven’s Swamp Thing. Marvel, meanwhile, was stuck to the small screen, where The Incredible Hulk spent five years in prime time, roaming town to town.
Yet here was what they all considered to be Their Big Break: one with a larger budget than any Corman project in history. On one hand, they shot on recycled sets from the thrifty producer’s Carnosaur; on the other, a 40-piece orchestra was performing the score. The end result was not perfect (Doomed!’s principals exercise healthy self-deprecation in detailing the flubs that made it to final cut), but they believed in it and couldn’t wait to share it with audiences.
Bootlegs aside, they’re still waiting. And while they may have given up on that dream, they have not given up on the movie itself. Alex Hyde-White, who played the elastic Mr. Fantastic, feels Sassone is the person most owed, having worked so hard to deliver a picture that would propel him out of the low-budget world of straight-to-video sequels to Bloodfist and Relentless: “He deserved this film.” Stuntman Carl Ciarfalio, who donned faux orange rock to play The Thing, is literally owed, having sunk $12,000 of his own money into promoting the film nationwide … while it’s entirely possible the financiers had specific plans not to release it, ever.
Why? Well, that’s a long story — and a damned good one, as Langford’s film tells it. His Doomed! stands strong as a compelling case study of the tributary of commerce flowing into the river of art; it investigates the executive-suite machinations as it celebrates the creative process. Stan Lee even makes his usual cameo, this time playing Two-Face. —Rod Lott
Picture this (because you certainly don’t want to witness it for real): Two alien creatures who happen to be brothers crash-land on Earth. One of them, Nukie (rhymes with “dookie,” which is what he appears to be made of), lands safely in the jungles of Africa. The other one, Niko, is injured upon his arrival in Florida, whereupon he is snatched by evil NASA staffers who stick tubes up his nose and jab him with needles. As contrivance and convenience would have it, both aliens speak English, yet never move their mouths. 
As one of those Bush presidents famously said, we must stand up and demand that no Ghoulie is left behind. Ergo, 
In honor of psychotronic film legend 
Based on the evidence that is 
