Communion (1989)

As played by Christopher Walken in the film Communion, with nary a Jesus cracker in sight, Whitley Strieber tries to write the Great American Novel. Because Strieber is a real-life author of The Wolfen and The Hunger, we know he won’t. But he does write the book Communion, the work of nonfiction — 😉 😉 — that ultimately will take his career to the stars.

Why? The answer’s in the butt, Bob. No Walken film is more Walken, for reasons that shall become apparent.

At a post-Christmas weekend visit to the family cabin from their NYC apartment, Whitley endures a sweaty nightmare of being visited by gray-skinned, big-eyed aliens from outer space. After returning home, his wife (Lindsay Crouse, The Arrival) notices he’s just not himself anymore — and for good reason, which surfaces under hypnosis by Misery’s Frances Sternhagen: That was no dream. And following that logic, that means the anal probe … gulp!

This causes a fissure in his rectum marriage, which may be for the best, considering the missus has a fashion sense I’d dub “Annie Hall meets Carmen Sandiego.”

The first glimpse we’re afforded of the alien is merely partial — and wholly terrifying. This bodes well for Communion. But as Whitley’s obsessions and breakdowns increasingly unhinge him from reality, Walken goes full Walken, and so does the movie! From the director’s chair, Philippe Mora (Howling II and III) approaches lucidity more liberally than his star tackles diction.

I don’t quite know how to convey the odd-as-a-$3-bill nature of Whitley’s experiences on the aliens’ ship. He parties with them in a pilgrim hat. They hang in a steam room. He high-fives an E.T. and then dances. I realize these sound like scenes from a stoner comedy where Seth Rogen might blow aliens’ minds with bong-hit lessons and, in exchange, they infuse his with, like, algebra and shit.

Seriously, these too-close encounters of the WTF kind feel as though Mora and Strieber (who adapted his own bestseller for the screenplay) are just fucking with us to see if we’re willing to swallow. I am not.

In fact, I’d steal Whitley’s ominous threat to public transit riders — “Let me tell you, you folks are in for a big surprise, one very big surprise” — and throw it right back at this maladroit movie, aiming to knock that goddamn pilgrim hat into a galaxy far, far away. That’s more action than the third section gives, and still no Jesus crackers. —Rod Lott

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Phobias (2021)

What are you afraid of? Outpost 37 wants to know. Wrapping around the five stories of Phobias, the government testing facility conducts experiments of extracting fear and turning it into a gaseous weapon. Anthologies have had dumber setups, but the well-crafted Phobias pays its more mind.

Have your dictionary of choice handy, because the segments arrive with the names “Robophobia,” “Vehophobia,” “Ephebiphobia,” “Hoplophobia” and “Atelophobia” (and I swear I didn’t sneeze while typing those). You’re likely able to guess what the first one is about — and if not, I’ll tell you: A Korean man (Leonardo Nam, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift) is befriended by an AI entity offering to take care of his racist bullies.

And the other stories, respectively? A jilted young woman (the Pitch Perfect trilogy’s Hana Mae Lee) is astonished to find a car that controls itself. A teacher (Lauren Miller Rogen, Sausage Party) is menaced in her own home by students angry at her extracurricular exploits. A cop (Martina García, ABCs of Death 2) is forever haunted after a child is mistakenly, fatally shot in a police raid. And singer Macy Gray runs an architecture firm — poorly, of course, given the subject matter.

Each ends on a note of shock or stress, yet something short of closure. Such is the feeling for the whole of Phobias. More tonally and visually cohesive than most anthologies these days, its bits come courtesy of the directors of Monster Party, Black as Night, Stray and The Astronaut, and in her first at-bat, actress Camilla Belle, perhaps best known as the beleaguered babysitter of 2006’s When a Stranger Calls remake. —Rod Lott

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Hollywood Boulevard II (1990)

It’d be tough to follow up Joe Dante and Allan Arkush’s Hollywood Boulevard, a self-deprecating paean to the Roger Corman filmmaking machine coming from inside the house. So Hollywood Boulevard II doesn’t try. It kinda just shows up, stands in the corner and shuffles its feet ’til it’s time to go home.

Directed by Steve Barnett (Scanner Cop II), the in-name-only sequel that’s actually a remake leverages the combined star power of Ginger Lynn Allen, Eddie Deezen, Robert Patrick and Morgan Freeman … ’s name on a Lean on Me marquee to once again spoof low-budget filmmaking.

In particular, its soft target is the bread-and-butter junk genres that carried Corman straight to the bank’s deposits-only line throughout the ’80s: your jungle war epics, sword-and-sandal-and-sex adventures and marked-down space sagas. The latter appears right away, flaunting four breasts in the first minute as part of a Star Trek parody aboard a spaceship shaped like a uterus and fallopian tubes.

As aspiring actress Candy Chandler, Allen gets her big break when a stuffed-animal bomb explodes, taking Miracle Pictures’ reigning starlet off the cast list, forever. And that’s hardly the last of the “accidents.” Taking a page from Traci Lords going legit via Corman with the 1988 makeover of Not of This Earth, Hollywood Boulevard II represents Allen’s own sprint for mainstream stardom after nearly a decade of hardcore porn (Beverly Hills Cox, Poonies and Supergirls Do General Hospital). She doesn’t embarrass herself, but Candice Rialson she is not.

Three first-time screenwriters follow Dante and Arkush’s template, including judicious use of B-roll from other Corman flicks, but not jokes that land. This second stroll down the Boulevard simply isn’t funny. I found one exception in a romantic ballad. Playing over Candy making sweet, sweet love amid rear-projected footage, its mocking lyrics include “Two hands / Two breasts / C’mon, don’t tell me you don’t know the rest” and “There’s passion in the air tonight / I know, I know, I know cuz I can smell it.” Hardly enough to take a whiff. —Rod Lott

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The Return of Dr. Mabuse (1961)

Criminal mastermind Dr. Mabuse isn’t the only one who returns in, well, The Return of Dr. Mabuse. So does Gert Fröbe, Goldfinger himself, as Inspector Lohmann. Having to cancel a fishing trip he was looking forward to so much that he patted his wife’s prodigious rear, Lohmann investigates the murder of a man to keep incriminating evidence from coming to light.

It should surprise no one that Mabuse (Wolfgang Preiss, Mill of the Stone Women) is behind it all. The pro villain is also behind a new narcotic that, when injected, turns prisoners into hypno-slaves — all the better to overtake the local atomic power plant. If only Lohmann can stop him! It should surprise no one that Lohmann can, albeit with the assistance of an FBI agent (Lex Barker, after five swings as Tarzan) and a comely photographer (Daliah Lavi, 1965’s Ten Little Indians).

More fun than the previous film, Fritz Lang’s The Thousand Eyes of Dr. Mabuse, Harald Reinl’s mean franchise debut with Return boasts a bevy of exploitable elements, from rudimentary car chases to a runaway train. You might think the highlight of this lean and kinda Eurocrime pic is the blind man meeting his end between a brick wall and a truck grill, but you’d be wrong. That honor goes to the floozy who gets flambéd by a flamethrower — in front of the Bimbo Bar, no less! —Rod Lott

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Clown in a Cornfield (2025)

Aliens in a cornfield? Obviously. Murderous children in a cornfield? But of course. Mia Goth violating a scarecrow in a cornfield? Uh, sure. But a Clown in a Cornfield? Maybe we’re jumping the shark. Wait, that’s been in a cornfield, too?!

While Eli Craig isn’t the first to put horror on the cob, 2010’s Tucker & Dale vs. Evil showed a playful understanding of the genre — not originality — is the director’s strong suit. An adaptation of Adam Cesare’s 2020 novelClown in a Cornfield sees Craig drop an original story credit, too. This change in his routine doesn’t quite hit the highs of his first standout film. But in a world where Terrifier’s Art reigns supreme, the Midwestern clown holds its ground.

Looking for a fresh start, Quinn (Katie Douglas, Lazareth) and her doctor dad, Glenn (Aaron Abrams, Code 8), move to a seemingly quiet, rural town. As Glenn discovers the residents’ firm commitment to tradition, Quinn meets a classmate named Cole (Carson MacCormac, Shazam!) and quickly falls in with his group of friends looking to buck the old-fashioned values of Kettle Springs. However, the teens quickly discover the town’s mascot, Frendo, isn’t playing around when it comes to community’s way of life. As Frendo starts to prey on Quinn and her friends, they start to unravel the mystery behind the town’s killer clown.

Unfortunate spoiler alert: Frendo isn’t from outer space. In fact, Clown in a Cornfield is significantly more grounded than you’d probably expect from Craig. While it doesn’t avoid humor outright, it doesn’t really try to channel it either. If it weren’t for casting Will Sasso (2012’s The Three Stooges) as the town sheriff, one could almost argue that Craig decided to take this flick a bit too seriously. Those who expect a return to Tucker & Dale’s uproarious gags — or, hell, even Little Evil’s — might find this clown running out of steam fast.

Granted, what makes Clown in a Cornfield at least somewhat interesting isn’t dependent on humor. It’s his straightest horror film yet, with a bit of classic slasher allusions thrown into the mix. It also dips its big, red shoes into an examination of generational tension. Unfortunately, it doesn’t dig particularly deep into this idea. It just kind of dances around it with about as much strength as a rubber chicken with a broken squeaker.

Which isn’t an entire miss, either. In the era of A24’s elevated horror, Clown in a Cornfield is admittedly very accessible. Similar to Cesare’s book, the movie is extremely easy to grasp. It’s not entirely inconsequential, either, as its romantic subplot is surprisingly deep and fresh. Still, it’s as if we’re trained at this point to expect something more from every horror film that isn’t franchised. And that’s probably unfair, given we need introductory films like this to get younger horror fans to dive deep.

Clown in a Cornfield has its moments, including a fair share of creative kills. Still, if you’re expecting some kind of in-depth dissection or even a few decent gags to wash down the mayhem, this cornfield probably isn’t for you. —Daniel Bokemper

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