All posts by Rod Lott

Death Race 2 (2011)

How did that metal-masked Frankenstein become Frankenstein? Where’d he get that modified Ford Mustang? How did the high-octane event even start? Did they find Joan Allen through LinkedIn or something? Odds are, you weren’t even asking such things at the end of 2008’s Death Race remake, but Death Race 2 arrives to answer them anyway. Despite the numeral, it’s a prequel. It’s also near its equal.

On the aptly named Terminal Island reside hardened felons in a near-future prison run not by the state, but a corporation. Yeah, yeah, same as before, but this movie isn’t just the same ol’ thing. Before the prison’s sultry PR queen (Lauren Cohan of TV’s Supernatural and The Vampire Diaries) invents the Death Race, she garners huge TV ratings by having the prisoners engage in bare-knuckle, life-or-death, gladiatorial-style games, in which pathway access to lethal weapons is triggered by ground sensors.

She proposes “a race: wicked, epic,” which begets the Death Race we all know and love. One of its instant superstars is Terminal Island’s newest residents, Carl Lucas (Luke Goss of Hellboy II), thanks to an ill-fated bank robbery-cum-cop murder spree. Other participants include Danny Trejo (Machete), Robin Shou (Mortal Kombat) and a hillbilly (mountain rape).

If you weren’t told this was a direct-to-DVD effort, you wouldn’t know it. Taking the reins from Paul W.S. Anderson (who contributed the story), director Roel Reiné (The Lost Tribe) keeps the proceedings consistent in look, tone and feel — i.e. big, dumb and wonderfully violent — and the film ends precisely where Anderson’s began. Goss is more Desmond Harrington than Jason Statham, but he’s a good anchor for the flick, even if he keeps his pants on while humping his driving partner (Tanit Phoenix, Lost Boys: The Thirst). If you liked the first one, schedule some room for some more vroom-vroom. —Rod Lott

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The Day Time Ended (1979)

I hope you like images of stars in space — because that’s the first three minutes of The Day Time Ended, an early Charles Band production in which a family living on a desert ranch in California finds strange things afoot after three supernovas explode and the light is absorbed by their abode’s solar paneling.

First off, the requisite annoying little girl finds a glowing green pyramid thing behind the barn and thinks nothing of it because she’s a selfish bitch whose one-track mind is dead-set on her new pony. This leads to bathroom lights and faucets turning themselves on and off, and soon the nighttime appearance of a 3-inch-high stop-motion alien who dances and flitters about the cabinets and bedding.

Then there’s a poorly matted spaceship that chases them through the house, and ultimately, as the title promises, time ends. Or rather, the family just gets warped into the future, on the outskirts of the city of tomorrow, and for some reason, this suits them just fine.

For us, however, it’s a whole other story — namely, one that can’t believe how director John “Bud” Cardos could follow up the greatness of Kingdom of the Spiders with dumb ol’ crap like this. —Rod Lott

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42nd Street Forever Volume 5: Alamo Drafthouse Cinema (2009)

If you’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing a movie at Austin, Texas’ Alamo Drafthouse Cinema, then you know what to expect from the fifth entry in Synapse Films’ 42nd Street Forever compilation series: namely, some of weirdest and wildest trailers and other pre-show miscellany unknown to mankind. After Chuck Heston takes time out from his tennis game to explain the MPAA ratings system, the hour-and-a-half fun gets started, roughly organized into categories like martial arts, sex, sci-fi, action, movies with black people in them and super-shitty children’s films.

Highlights include Lucky Seven, full of kid ninjas with names like Little Fatty and Bumpkin; Birds Do It, Bees Do It, David L. Wolper’s animal-fucking doc with a kangaroo fetus crawling up its mama; Chatterbox, the infamous “talking vagina” comedy; Danish Love Acts, which shows just that; and Caged Virgins, which will make you wonder, “Hey, why is there a bat on her bush?”

Italian actioners and/or James Bond rip-offs abound, as do boobs, especially in Jack Hill’s Sorceress and Stacey!, which established Andy Sidaris’ trademark 60 JPH (jugs per hour) formula. Oddly, some of the strangest trailers are for the few comedies, such as The 3 Supermen in the West (man, I’d kill a hobo for a box set of this slapstick superhero series); a musical number for Putney Swope, Robert Downey Sr.’s race satire in the ad world; and Norman … Is That You?, in which Redd Foxx copes with the realization that his son is gay, and Wayland Flowers and Madame are in it, for some unexplained reason. Probably the gayness.

It’s hard to believe any youngster ever wanted to see The Magic Christmas Tree — “and to add to the fun,” says the narrator, “there’s a happy witch! The runaway lawn mower!” — or Pinocchio’s Birthday Party. But I can imagine they’d go apeshit for the Tarzan knock-off Karzan, Master of the Jungle, not to mention a crispy, piping-hot Flavos Shrimp Roll! Mmm-mmm! —Rod Lott

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Gantz (2011)

Based on a manga that’s literally dozens of volumes long and still going strong, the Japanese action epic Gantz has a premise both unique and head-scratching as its title. Students Kei (Kazunari Ninomiya) and Kato (Kenichi Matsuyama) meet an untimely death via subway car, yet are transported at the point of impact to what seems to be an alternate dimension.

At any rate, it’s a sterile-looking, unfurnished apartment, barren but for the giant black ball in the room’s middle. The sphere is to this film what the monolith is to 2001: A Space Odyssey: one big mystery. Via textual cues, it informs Kei, Kato and the few other perplexed newly dead peeps with them — naked cutie (Natsuna Watanabe) included — that they are to suit up, grab a gun and play its game.

In basic terms, that’s ridding Japan of aliens, which take on wildly varying forms, from onion-headed mutants and a clockwork robot to statues that come to life, all of which the players shoot with powerful, energy-pulse weaponry that results in exaggerated explosions of gore and grue. Die in the timed game, and you die for good; survive, and you can return to your former life, but remain at the ball’s nightly beck and call.

Combining elements of horror and sci-fi — and initially reminiscent of the great CubeGantz is a high-velocity thrill ride with only slight lulls between rounds of go time. Like many effects-driven Asian films, it’s a little too long, but it certainly delivers bang for your buck, not to mention some sly laughs and more than a few WTF moments. The two-hour affair doesn’t offer closure so much as a breathing point before the forthcoming Gantz: Part II, and I’m perfectly primed for another leap into its imaginative world. In the meantime, I’m intrigued to the point of seeking out the comics. —Rod Lott