All posts by Rod Lott

Beyond Re-Animator (2003)

H.P. Lovecraft’s demented Dr. Herbert West made a third house call with the long-overdue Beyond Re-Animator, a sequel that’s a garish, gory and good-humored (although definitely not good-natured) good time. Jeffrey Combs returns as West, now imprisoned in the Arkham State Penitentiary after one of his living dead experiments escapes from Miskatonic Asylum for some milk and kills a young woman. Thirteen years later, that girl’s little brother — who witnessed her gruesome demise — is the prison’s new doctor, and he’s brought West a present: a syringe full of that familiar glowing green goo.

The doc (likable but goofy Jason Barry of MirrorMask) wants to use the serum to find ways to help people; West, however, just seems interested in continuing his freakathon, although he has developed a method for restoring life, thanks to some secret research with rodents. At first, they inject a prisoner here, a smokin’-hot Spanish reporter (Elsa Pataky, Fast Five) there, but the second half of the film is an all-out prison riot with electrocutions, hangings, exploding stomachs and a wrestling half-torso, courtesy of the unique talents of Screaming Mad George.

I’ll admit I harbored strong reservations about Beyond; the fact that it was shot in Spain, set in a prison, scripted by a first-timer and had no principals return except Combs combined to portend an idea whose time had long passed. Plus, director Brian Yuzna’s spotty filmography — Faust: Love of the Damned, anyone? I thought not — didn’t bode well, either. To my relief, Beyond is a solid third chapter in a B-movie franchise of Grand Guignol that has a lot of life left in it, reanimated or otherwise.

If you thought that all the Re-Animator trilogy lacked were a techno-dance theme, you’ll thrill to the disc’s unintentionally hilarious Dr. Re-Animator music video for “Move Your Dead Bones” (sample lyric: “Reanimate your feet!”). And don’t you dare switch the movie off before the closing credits, lest you want to miss the fight between the rat and the penis. —Rod Lott

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Video Wars (1984)

Video Wars is so obscure that, 27 years after its release — in a rented room at the Holiday Inn, I’m guessing — it didn’t even exist, according to its absence from the Internet Movie Database. Trust me: It was for the best.

The globe is being brainwashed by one Prince Radolpho … Rapemonger? Rightmonger? (The audio is horrible, so I can’t tell what the fat villain’s last name is.) Anyway, his aim is to control the destiny of anyone anywhere in the world, and requires a trillion-dollar annual allowance from America. To combat this scourge, the U.S. government has a plan that’s “too secret, too sensitive, too everything … we’ll have to field a special team.”

That’s comprised mostly of one guy (George Diamond) who looks like Joe Mantegna’s second cousin. He’s trained in “subversive activities” and must find Prince Radolpho’s computer terminal. To do this, he’s given some gadgets that look assembled from various cast-off parts in Radio Shack’s bargain bin. This film’s Q rattles them off: “a rotational axis with combined sensor … and last but not least, your acid pen.” Replies our hero, “I hope it doesn’t leak in my pocket!”

This leads to a gaggle of Russian female agents, many of whom are real hatchet-faces; multiple aerobics sequences; a snowman with spy-camera eyes; a chase on snowmobiles; and the can’t-miss pick-up line “You like chicken, baby? Well grab a wing.” Take none of this as a recommendation. This no-budget spy comedy is worse than an eye stab.

The whole video game element is pure gimmick, having very little to do with the actual movie. Early on, there’s a scene in which a room full of businessmen are playing a game, and they’re taking to the joysticks as if they’re masturbating. And toward the end, there’s an arcade contest where, judging by the screens shown, the object is to look at 8-bit patterns of random-size squares. That’s about it. Do not insert coin to continue. —Rod Lott

Murder at 1600 (1997)

The White House whodunit Murder at 1600 came out about the same time as the similarly themed Clint Eastwood film Absolute Power, which was also about a philandering president and his dead mistress. Eastwood may have the critical heat, but I prefer this pulpier, more action-oriented version.

Wesley Snipes — then the king of other enjoyable-yet-middling vehicles like The Art of War, Passenger 57 and U.S. Marshals — is a D.C. detective, named Regis of all things! He’s called to the White House when a pretty young employee is found dead in the bathroom following a round of hot, late-night sex. His investigation is compromised by the White House’s unwillingness to participate, despite him being assigned a Secret Service liaison (Diane Lane).

What exactly is the president’s administration covering up? And for whom? You’ll find out toward the end of a slightly bloated running time. Dennis Miller co-stars as Snipes’ co-worker, and while he may have been a great comedian once upon a time, he’s grating as a dramatic actor, so it’s hard not to applaud when he takes a bullet. —Rod Lott

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So Close (2002)

So Close is the movie that McG’s Charlie’s Angels should have been. It’s slick, it’s cool, it’s three girls kicking ass who — and this is the big difference — are not braying-donkey annoying. Shu Qi (The Transporter) and Zhao Wei (Shaolin Soccer) are two siblings who have been working as an assassin-for-hire team ever since their parents were brutally murdered. Wei sits at home with a super-decked-out, eye-in-the-sky, satellite-linked computer spy system, feeding Qi info as she carries out the actual hits.

The opening sequence is a stunner, with Qi carrying out a hit on a wealthy computer CEO and shooting her way through the enormous office building as a Carpenters-soundalike version of Burt Bacharach’s “Close to You” plays over the structure’s PA system. If this doesn’t suck you in to the film’s offbeat charms, nothing will.

Hot on their trail is cop Karen Mok (Black Mask), which results in a couple of great chase scenes. But to further complicate matters, Qi’s falling in love and Wei’s taking a liking to pulling triggers, something her big sis does not want her to do.

Directed by Hong Kong choreographer Cory Yuen (The Transporter), the high-tech flick takes some surprising turns and doesn’t follow the usual formula that your standard Hollywood action movie would, especially one with a female-led cast. The three leads are all engaging — particularly the sister act of Qi and Wei — proving that sometimes, women can do these things better than the men. So Close, so good! —Rod Lott

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