Every time my wife leaves town, the house is dead silent. But in Death Game, as soon as George’s wife leaves town — on his 40th birthday, no less — two hotties knock on the door, looking for an address they can’t seem to find. George (Seymour Cassel, whose voice is obviously, horribly dubbed for some reason) lets them in, and they’re quite impressed by his digs: “Hey, that bathroom of yours is far-out!”
Seconds later, Jackson (Sondra Locke) and Donna (Colleen Camp) are stripped naked in his Jacuzzi bath, and approach him for a threesome. George protests, but they grab his crotch and, literally, the waka-waka disco music begins. ‘Tis a great night, but in the morning, a spent George is peeved they won’t get out of his house.
They have no intentions of going. In fact, they tie him up and “hold court,” pledging to kill him at the end of the weekend. Jackson goes all nom-nom-nom on his groceries like a brain-damaged pig (“You have the manners of an alley cat!” he screams), while Donna plays the piano horribly. Both fuck with his wife’s makeup so they look like they’re part of a troupe called Whore du Soleil, and cackle like the batshit-crazy loons they are. But, hey, Camp’s breasts.
This is Camp in her prime. She positively oozes sex, but the bland Locke oozes tapioca pudding. Death Game is all about punishing George for consuming two servings of underaged vagina, but the movie is ultimately pointless. However, with a bosom like Camp’s, who needs motive? The utter nonsense keeps you entertained, even when you want to throttle them. The final shot is a WTF howler. —Rod Lott
From the box: “
Sometimes found retitled as Crippled Masters 3, this isn’t as good as the original Crippled Masters because — and I hate to say this — it’s not as exploitative. Instead of graphic scenes of blood and gore, you get elongated employment searches. If you’ve seen one kung-fu flick with Frankie Shum and Jack Conn — real-life guys who get all the best parking spaces — you’ve seen them all. —Rod Lott
Her employer, Craig Sheffer, explains his crazy brother (Daniel Lapaine) believes he’s a zombie. With so much voodoo afoot, lots of hallucinations are experienced in this ridiculously routine shocker: crawling spiders, moving trees, crashing ceiling, Medusa hair and so on. Holy shit, does Grey sure scream a lot. But she has no Principal Rooney to kick in the face immediately thereafter, which makes a huge difference.
How many Pollacks does it take to make 
This cycle repeats, with Fantom Kiler ready to “kile” any naked woman he meets. He picks up one blonde in a car, which then conveniently stalls. While checking the oil, the Fantom Killer needs a rag, so the hussy offers her pantyhose. Oops, she isn’t wearing any, so she takes off her shirt, too. Her shorts mysteriously disappear, only to reappear underneath the car, thus not only allowing the viewer to see what her gynecologist sees in horrifying close-up, but also allowing Fantom Kiler the prime opportunity to ram a metal spike all up in her pooper with a mallet.