All posts by Rod Lott

The New Centurions (1972)

No one writes a cop novel like Joseph Wambaugh, so it’s no wonder Hollywood has adapted so many of them, starting with The New Centurions. It follows rookie cop Roy (Stacy Keach, sans ‘stache, initially) being introduced to the night shift of the scummier areas of Los Angeles by near-retirement Kilvinski (George C. Scott, intense as always). As they make their rounds, the lonely old man imparts wisdom to his family-man protégé: “Look out the window. There’s always another asshole.”

The partners and the other cops of their division — a vanity-free Erik Estrada among them — are shown breaking up domestic disputes, rounding up street whores, working robberies big and small, hunting down a flim-flam man, making routine traffic stops, trolling parks for “fruits,” and chasing various perps.

There’s a reason they call it a beat: because it wears one down. Like Wambaugh’s excellent, reality-based novels, Richard Fleischer’s film pulls back the veil of being an officer, presenting a portrait that’s not at all gussied-up, revealing the repercussions of making an honest but deadly mistake, and the toll the job takes at home. A scene in which the wrong guy is fatally shot is powerful, but most tense is when the police attempt to wrest an abused newborn from its drunk mother.

The New Centurions isn’t your average Hollywood crime drama. When Kilvinski mentions retirement, any other movie would mark him for death before his last day on the job; instead, Stirling Silliphant’s script shows him taking a more realistic route. It’s a solid work, tonally false only with a late-in-the-game subplot of romance for Roy. —Rod Lott

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Confession Stand with Ashley C. Williams

Ashley C. Williams is the middle section of last year’s family feel-good hit, The Human Centipede.

FLICK ATTACK: First, the obvious question: Should I let Centipede writer/director Tom Six babysit my kids?

WILLIAMS: Sure thing! He’s a sweetheart. Most people just think he is sick in the head, which is understandable. But he really is the opposite of what you think!

FLICK ATTACK: When you signed up for The Human Centipede, did you have any idea it would become a pop-culture touchstone before it was even released, or did you think it was destined for oblivion?

WILLIAMS: Honestly, I had no idea it would be this big a hit in the cult horror film world. I just thought, “Hey, this role could either make or break my career,” and hey, it turned out pretty good! We were just happy when it got into some film festivals and it just kept growing from there! 

FLICK ATTACK: In The Brady Bunch, Jan Brady always resented being the middle girl. Can you relate? Do you think you had it worse than she did? Please remember before you answer that Marcia was really hot.

WILLIAMS: I can relate! And ironically, I am the “middle child” in my family, too, and it’s not the greatest feeling. But I do think that my character definitely had it the worst. 

FLICK ATTACK: Do you now need knee replacements?

WILLIAMS: My knees are fine, thanks. But I suppose my character, Lindsay, might need them, if she survives. 

FLICK ATTACK: Since you spent so much time attached to two of your co-stars, did you get to the point where you could finish each other’s thoughts? And, like, if Ashlynn Yennie stubbed her toe right now on the other side of the country, could you feel it?

WILLIAMS: Totally. 

FLICK ATTACK: How to put this delicately? Okay, there’s no way to put this delicately: Were you having to smell Akihiro Kitamura’s butt the whole time?

WILLIAMS: Nope, there were several layers of fabric and gauze so that we wern’t ever touching. We were never ever skin to skin. There was a knob attached to the gauze that we bit down on to make it look like we were attached. 

FLICK ATTACK: I imagine that since the movie came out, you’ve gotten a lot of attention from the wrong sort of people. What’s the creepiest fan experience you’ve had thus far?

WILLIAMS: Creepiest? Well, I get a lot of Facebook stalkers, especially on my fan page. They say some weird crap that is just … well … weird. 

FLICK ATTACK: Speaking of, has appearing in the film affected your dating life?

WILLIAMS: Not at all! my boyfriend was very supportive of me doing this film. 

FLICK ATTACK: According to IMDb, you were an uncredited villager in Willow. If that’s true, who’s scarier: an on-camera Dieter Laser or an off-camera Val Kilmer?

WILLIAMS: Well, I was only 5 years old in Willow, so I’m not sure of Val Kilmer’s personality off-camera, so I would have to say definitely Dieter Laser was insanely scary, even while he was off-camera! He stayed in character pretty much the whole time while he was on set. 

FLICK ATTACK: You’ve won acting awards, you’re a professional dancer, you’re an accomplished painter. Does it bug you — no pun intended — that your obituary still might lead with The Human Centipede?

WILLIAMS: Well, let me correct some things before I answer. I am actually not a dancer; I am a singer and I paint as a hobby. I’m actually very proud of the work I did in The Human Centipede. Being known as “the middle piece” my whole life is nice, but obviously, I would like to work outside of the horror genre as well and not get “stuck” in it. 

FLICK ATTACK: And now for a question not about The Human Centipede: What films are you working on now? And how medically accurate are they?

WILLIAMS: Right now, I will be shooting a a romantic comedy in August here in NYC called A Guy Named Rick, and then going off to England and Germany to shoot a horror comedy, which is “somewhat accurate” in a Shaun of the Dead kind of way, called Stagnant. I have some offers of some great films that I am in negotiations with at the moment, and I continue to do plays here in NYC! —Rod Lott

Additional questions by Allan Mott.

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Alien vs. Ninja (2010)

And now for a title that tells you everything you need to know: There’s an alien. There’s ninja. They fight.

And now for everything you need to know: It blows.

It shouldn’t, because that’s one of those seemingly can’t-miss concepts, but leave it to Japan to drop the ball. It takes no time at all for the meteor bringing the titular alien to fall from space, but an agonizing 15 or 20 minutes or so for the alien to appear, and then an even more agonizing hour for the whole thing to end. The best part about the movie may be the first credit that greets you at the conclusion, telling us that Alien vs. Ninja was brought to us by Sushi Typhoon, whatever that is. All I know is that it was over, thank Buddha.

But to address what comes before: The alien does look a little H.G. Giger-esque, although it’s clearly just a guy in a rubber suit. They took no effort to slime it up, but did craft its head to make it resemble the creature from the real Alien franchise, if affected with Down syndrome, and given an alligator mouth and noggin holes from which its fetuses emerge. Its real selling point is that from its body bursts what I’m assuming is an elongated penis, which splits and, this being Asian, turns into tentacles.

Being shot on HD, it at times resembles a fan-made Mortal Kombat sequel, but with more wire work than the busiest of orthodontists’ offices. Is something like this really in need of broad comedy, like a feminine fat man or a ninja acting like a doofus that’s very nearly on the slapstick level of The Three Stooges? The likes of Infra-Man had scads more imagination at a fraction of the budget. —Rod Lott

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Someone Behind the Door (1971)

After so much post-Psycho typecasting, it’s downright refreshing to see Anthony Perkins playing someone nice and normal in Someone Behind the Door. In the obscure thriller, he’s a timid, crippled florist threatened by the — oh, who’m I kidding? I can’t pull one over on you! He’s so totally bonkers! Again!

Perkins is Dr. Laurence Jeffries, a brilliant brain surgeon whose latest patient is known to us only as “the stranger” (Charles Bronson). That’s because he’s a total amnesiac. Jeffries performs research on the stranger, but not the kind for which physicians are awarded massive grants. After assuring the stranger he’s not Victor Frankenstein, Jeffries invites him to his home, where he performs a “personality transplant.”

That’s the snazzy way of saying, “I’m going to make you think that my wife is really your wife, and then tell you that she’s been nailing some dude that isn’t me — er, you — and that you should do something about it, thereby letting me off the hook.” Oooooh, Mrs. Jeffries (Jill Ireland, of course), you are in troubbbbble!

With so few people in the cast and most of the film taking place in one spot, Someone has the feeling of a great — okay, a pretty good — stage play. It’s a game of psychological one-upsmanship in the style of Sleuth or Deathtrap, but a couple levels below in the brains department. Bronson proceeds past his acting ability’s comfort zone in the finale, but I’m sure as hell not going to tell him that. —Rod Lott

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