All posts by Rod Lott

The Line (2023)

News flash: Fraternities suck. 

Even the fictional ones like Kappa Nu Alpha at the fictional Sumpter College (as played by the University of Oklahoma, my alma mater). The KNA boys — for they are certainly not men — fall under the microscope of Ethan Berger’s The Line, a dramatic thriller with, unfortunately, as much real-world resonance today as the time of its setting a decade ago. Progress!

A freshman no more, Tom (Alex Wolff, A Quiet Place: Day One) relishes the start of the new school year — particularly the freedom of living in the frat house with his fellow coke-snorting, power-hungry, racist, misogynist, homophobic, immature, gun-fetishizing, elephant-walking, backwards cap-wearing motherfuckers. Their enthusiasm sours when Sumpter’s powers that be, fed up with the frat’s repeated code-of-conduct violations, outlaw hazing, period

Authority, however, means nothing to Tom’s spoiled-rotten, beefy bestie/roomie, Mitch (Bo Mitchell, TV’s Eastbound & Down), he of the lid reading “SHOW ME THAT BUTTHOLE.” Unlike the cash-strapped Tom, the easily detestable Mitch is used to getting anything he wants, thanks to the deep pockets of his rich asshole father (a slithering John Malkovich). 

But when Mitch doesn’t get automatic obsequiousness from a headstrong pledge (an excellent Austin Abrams, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark), Mitch vows to make the kid’s life hell. Things inevitably go so far, they go overboard, leading Tom to wonder if all the KNA talk of “brotherhood” is just a bunch of chest-pumping bullshit. Which, of course, it is.

Wolff admirably continues to bury every last remnant of his Nickelodeon kidcom/tween-idol upbringing. In fact, his performance as Tom is his best since his 2018 breakthrough in Hereditary. Tom begins this story as a complete phony (with even his hardscrabble mother, played by SNL vet Cheri Oteri in a serious role, calling out his “faux Forrest Gump accent”), and ends it so humbled, having found his place in the world — not his purpose, mind you, but his spot in the world’s pecking order.

Berger’s debut feature as writer or director earned my respect early — even well before scoring Tom’s frowned-upon hookup with a Black classmate (Halle Bailey, 2023’s The Little Mermaid) to a track from Stereolab’s Dots and Loops. The Line is intelligently written and staged with a quiet intensity until the powder-keg situation has no other choice but to explode. Berger manages to avoid preachiness until the infuriating final shot — infuriating not because it hammers home as message we’re already aware exists, but because the scene around it plays out exactly like it would — hell, like it does — in real life. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Tarot (2024)

Whilst scouring for booze in the Catskills mansion they’ve rented for a birthday blowout, seven stupid collegians explore a basement full of astrological shit, including a — spoiler — deck of tarot cards. Haley (Harriet Slater, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny) reads everyone’s fortunes. And I do mean everyone’s, which takes up a lot of time. 

Before long, the kids start to perish in ways their readings predicted, each carried out by the supernatural character on the card in question. For example, the birthday girl is the first to go, attic-laddered to death by The High Priestess. 

Tarot is the kind of dead-teenager movie that, 20 to 25 years ago, would have starred the likes of Chad Michael Murray and/or Rebecca Gayheart. However, the most recognizable face is this cast belongs to Jacob Batalon (Ned from Jon Watts’ Spider-Man trilogy), who essays one of the more annoying stoner characters the genre has seen this millennium. 

In today’s horror-film landscape, the concept is the true star. This one comes courtesy of Horrorscope, a forgotten (if ever known) 1992 paperback, but the source matters not with co-writers/co-directors Spencer Cohen and Anna Halberg squandering nearly any potential. Visually, the film looks drawn with only the darkest-colored crayons, so it’s difficult to discern what you’re seeing when it most counts: with the kills!

Among the death sequences, those featuring The Fool, The Hanged Man and The Magician emerge as the most notable almost by default, by virtue of at least getting a fair glimpse of the architects of these kids’ fates. (And you just know producers have a whole “Tarotverse” in mind with spin-offs spotlighting each villain.) Tarot is pedestrian at best, and it’s never best. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

The Muthers (1968)

Not to be confused with 1976’s The Muthers, a women-in-prison film from exploitation legend Cirio H. Santiago, 1968’s The Muthers is a sexploitation film from exploitation semi-legend Don A. Davis. Presented “in ‘throbbing’ color,” it’s about married women in the L.A. suburbs having sex with men who aren’t their husbands and, this being softcore, never remove their britches. 

Many of the daytime romps occur at the Pink Swan bar, where Bartender Larry (Steve Vincent, Space Thing) graciously allows the use of his office — even for two pairs at once. Elsewhere, among many other couplings, Virginia Gordon (Hot Spur) goes at it with some guy in her poolside lounge chair while her teen daughter (Victoria Bond, The Secret Sex Lives of Romeo and Juliet), watching in secret, rubs her bikini bottoms against a tree.

Davis once again employs his curvaceous crutch, Flick Attack favorite Marsha Jordan (The Divorcee). Just when you think The Muthers will end without Jordan showing skin, Davis introduces the movie’s only semblance of story: whether her daughter (Love Camp 7 penetrator Kathy Williams) can find Mom before some bald creepo can get his mitts, mouth and mallet all over Marsha and her mams? 

Don’t you worry — the young lady fails.

Also featuring the sexy, sassy Linda O’Bryant from Davis’ spy-oriented Golden Box, The Muthers boasts a big, brassy, helluva melodic earworm in its opening credits. I just don’t know that it needed repeating for an hour. It’s as if the movie has a one-track mind. —Rod Lott

Get it at dvdparty.com.

Look What’s Happened to Rosemary’s Baby (1976)

Any hatred toward the Rosemary’s Baby prequel Apartment 7A seems misplaced to me. After all, look what happened to Look What’s Happened to Rosemary’s Baby. I mean, director Sam O’Steen obviously is no Roman Polanski, but did anyone involved with this sequel see the original? (You, too, Ruth Gordon.)

The made-for-TV abortion picks up a handful of years after the 1968 classic film. Mia Farrow demonstrates good instincts for once by not returning as Rosemary, so Patty Duke fills the role with her Valley of the Dolls histrionics. Irked that her son’s bedroom is decorated with items from Hobby Lobby’s Goebbels/LaVey collab, Rosemary flees the home of those satanic Castavets with the tot, Andrew. Mother and child go on the run.

But because Minnie Castavet (Gordon) has somehow acquired GPS-enabled ESP, she’s able not only to pinpoint their location, but tell if a “colored fella” is present, too. Soon, a woman named Marjean (Tina Louise, SST: Death Flight) kidnaps Andrew by tricking Rosemary to get stuck on a bus driven by … no one! No one at all! AAAIIIEEEEE!

Prologue over, we meet adult Andrew (future Pontypool DJ Stephen McHattie, actually decent), having been raised in a “castle casino” by the ginger Marjean and her unflattering hairdo. There’s a devilish battle brewing for his bod to bring about a new dawn, but Andrew has not yet demonstrated his worthiness to obtain all of Papa Satan’s powers — not with those tiny, red laser-pointer eyes of his. The satanists’ bizarre ritual involves painting his face like a mime and dancing to fuzzed-out music.

Then a freak storm sends Andrew to a clinic where Donna Mills (Nope) works and pronounces “comatose” as “comma-toes” before mounting him to extract his demon seed and get it all up in there.

Although I never expected greatness, much less goodness, from this ABC Friday Night Movie, I don’t think it’s unfair to expect something resembling an effort. Not only is it tonally distant from its Academy Award-winning predecessor, it’s also dreadfully bad. Since Gordon was nearing 80, it’s possible she did not give a fuck and just wanted to work to stave death. Plus, it wasn’t like her Oscar would be rescinded — a knowledge nugget her onscreen spouse, the equally minted Ray Milland (taking over for the deceased Sidney Blackmer), also may have kept in mind.

Meager even by television’s lowered standards, the primetime-friendly horror elements feel disconnected from what Baby established; in fact, they have more in common with what was just around the bend: namely, Exorcist II: The Heretic and Dance Fever (you can choose which episode). Even worse, they make no sense.

This coven needed another bake in the oven. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Bloodbath at the House of Death (1984)

In college, my dorm roommate, Randy, told me about a British horror spoof he’d once seen called Bloodbath at the House of Death. I’d never heard of it (this was pre-internet, folks) and thought maybe he was making it up, if not for one detail that struck me as too specific, too abstract and too hilarious: “The best thing is, the box says, ‘Starring Vincent Price as The Sinister Man’!”

For some reason, that made us laugh a lot.

Weeks later, my birthday rolled around. Randy gave me a brand-new VHS tape of Bloodbath from the budget-friendly Video Treasures label. Sure enough, atop the front cover, big block letters announced, “STARRING VINCENT PRICE AT THE SINISTER MAN.”

We laughed all over again. I guess you had to be there.

Nothing in the movie itself lived up to that. I remember being bored quickly and fast-forwarding to a scene Randy had hyped: where “the blonde floozy from Superman III gets her clothes ripped off by a ghost!” Even that disappointed, if only because Video Treasures’ LP-mode cassettes didn’t allow ideal clarity.

Now, nearly 35 years later, I can appreciate Bloodbath at the House of Death — and Pamela Stephenson’s toplessness — properly. She and fellow UK comic Kenny Everett headline the ramshackle rib-tickler as scientists investigating radioactive goings-on at Headstone Manor, where 18 people were brutally killed several years earlier.

And with that intentionally bare premise set, regular Everett writers Barry Cryer and Ray Cameron (who directs perfunctorily) hang parodies of Jaws, Alien, The Shining and others on it that, while not toothless, certainly don’t bite down hard. (The Carrie one is an inspired exception, with the Piper Laurie character beheaded by a can opener, slowly cranked turn by slowly cranked turn.)

In what amounts to an extended cameo, the legendary Price is game as the cult leader behind it all — the sinister man, some say. It’s a hoot to see him curse; his delivery of “You piss off!” is one for the ages, but his use of a gay slur hasn’t aged well.

As horror parodies go, Bloodbath resembles a more modern Carry On entry than this millennium’s Scary Movie series. The difference between their respective styles is far less than the distance separating their respective home countries; both offer an intelligent approach to comedy more stupid than, um, sinister. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.