All posts by Rod Lott

Sex

A Serbian Film (2010)

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Srdjan Spasojevic’s A Serbian Film is so repellent, so sick, so depraved, it may turn you xenophobic. It begins with a toddler watching his father, Milos (Srdjan Todorovic), pounding away at some woman on a porno. Oh, the memories! Milos since has retired from the industry, but the one-time “Balkan sex god” is in need of some cash, so when he’s approached by some high rollers to shoot an arty film they claim is only for foreign markets, and offer him enough money that he’ll be set for life, he’s ready to throw his hat — and by hat, we mean dick — back into the ring.

You’ve likely already heard about the atrocities Milos commits for the camera, so you may be thinking, “Should I really watch it?” That depends on how much you wanna see Milos jerk off next to a Dumpster while he gazes at an underage hooker, or hear a story about monks making a sandwich spread out of blood, semen and milk.

And that’s nothing compared to him beating and ultimately beheading a woman as he rapes her from behind. Or having to fuck a newborn baby. Or finding out that the masked person under the sheets he’s been raping is his own son. Or punching out a guy’s eyes with his bloody, erect member. A friend warned me, “There’s no reason to watch this. Turn it off now before you see things you can never unsee. And this is coming from me.”

He was right: There is no reason to see A Serbian Film, even out of sheer curiosity. I mean, what’s the point? That raping people is bad? I already knew that, Spasojevic, thanks. Claim it’s pointed, political art all you want, but I have to disagree. I shudder to think there’s someone out there literally getting off on the acts it portrays — and you know he/she/them exists. Whoever you are, please consider incarcerating yourself. Kthx. —Rod Lott

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Horror

In the Earth (2021)

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With movies being a great escape from the grind of daily life, it’s ironic that the global pandemic has kept them off-limits for about a year. Now that we have figured out how to co-exist with the virus — well, some of us, anyway — we can attend an actual theater again!

Among our scant few choices? A film about our very real COVID conundrum: In the Earth. Good thing it’s pretty close to great. Coming from writer/director Ben Wheatley — returning to the folk-horror roots of 2011’s brilliant Kill List, his greatest success in a chameleon of a career — its core message is this: Can’t wait to get back to your old, pre-coronavirus ways? Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.

After a year in lockdown, a remote wilderness lodge reopens to host scientist Martin Lowery (Joel Fry, 10,000 BC) for field research. He’s studying its fertile forest land to develop more efficient crops. As he’s setting up shop, others at the lodge mention a local folktale of a spirit in the woods, talk of mysterious deaths in a nearby village, reports of people lost in the woods, rumors of a professor missing for months — omens Wheatley dispenses to his players as often as hand sanitizer.

When park ranger Alma (Ellora Torchia, Midsommar) guides Martin into the woods to show him the ropes, they encounter Zach (Reece Shearsmith, Wheatley’s High-Rise), a babbling kook who performs rites in an effort to communicate with Mother Nature. An act of violence traps this unlikely triumvirate, forcing Martin and Alma to wonder if even a shred of truth exists in Zach’s freakish theories and activities.

I’m purposely being vague to let In the Earth’s surprises do their dirty work on you, too.

It gives nothing away to say In the Earth finds a “happy” medium between the ghostly phenomenon of The Stone Tape and the ghastly witchery of Suspiria. Just as those works span varying styles of horror, Wheatley begins his high-strung story with the cheeky innocence of urban legends as campfire tales before invading that purely mental space with the unflinching physicality of modern gore. Will audiences cringe more at a rather pointed instance of ocular trauma or an impromptu amputation and subsequent cauterization? It’s a toss-up, but Lucio Fulci would be proud of the former, while the latter makes Kathy Bates’ famous swing of the sledgehammer look like T-ball practice.

As the film expands into ever more disturbing territory, sound becomes a critical factor; as a viewer, you feel the pummeling the characters take. Add strobe lighting, subliminal imagery and X-Acto editing by Wheatley, and you’re no longer watching a movie but experiencing a potentially allergy-triggering exercise in psychedelic immersion. The effect is not unlike my most recent trip to the dentist, when an overdose of nitrous oxide caused my hand to vibrate loudly as it existed in 16 places at once. You had to be there.

Or you can be here, under Wheatley’s divisive spell, which I recommend. Those daring to cross the threshold will emerge 100 minutes later with one of two educated opinions: that In the Earth is either a tool of torture best reserved for war criminals or a generous dose of terrifying, cinematic sensory bliss. Following end titles unlike any I’ve seen before, I left with a headache. I’m serious when I say that’s a plus. —Rod Lott

Thriller

Drive All Night (2021)

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In Drive All Night, cabbie Dave (Yutaka Takeuchi, Battleship) does just that. This taxi driver is no Taxi Driver wishing a real rain to come and wash all the scum off the streets; he’s smart and sweet — a Travis Butterbrickle, if you will.

His passenger for the entire evening is Cara (Lexy Hammonds, 2017’s Escape Room — not the famous one), a young and semi-bratty woman with reserves of Mortal Kombat II trivia, a “We All Die Someday” tattoo and a duffel bag — here called just “duffel,” which is more enigmatic than its unknown contents. As she makes Dave chauffeur her around town for hours and hours, from arcade and café to motel, she’s being followed by a big, bad, bald dude (Johnny Gilligan, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus) who looks ready to attend a Halloween party as Ryan Gosling in Drive.

Certainly that’s not accidental, as Peter Hsieh’s debut feature arrives gorgeously soaked in the neon-hellhole California ambience of Nicolas Winding Refn’s work (notably Only God Forgives and The Neon Demon) with accompanying mood for days — er, nights). Absorbing a director’s color palette is a relatively easy task, which Hsieh pulls off, no doubt with the help of feature-debuting DP William Hellmuth.

But to also attempt David Lynch-branded surrealism is a too-tall order, especially on one’s first try; just being weird and cryptic isn’t enough. For example, a mysterious torch singer named Midnight Judy (Natalia Berger) is rumored to be a vampire, but her inclusion assumedly seems only to serve a desire to pay homage to the Club Silencio sequence from Lynch’s masterpiece, Mullholland Drive. While Berger’s slinky appearance is sure to satisfy opera-glove fetishists, her dreamlike showcase is out of the filmmaker’s ambitious reach.

Or perhaps Midnight Judy’s purpose might be due to Drive All Night’s bones simply not bearing enough meat to merit a full-length movie. Veering from his strong suit of shot composition, Hsieh’s workarounds include box-turtle pacing and dosing each performance with Dramamine. The effect is like a napping actor waking mid-scene and suddenly realizing his or her line is up — or was:

Cara: “I like you.”
[7-second pause]
Dave: “I like you, too.”

Cara: “You afraid of dying?”
[13-second pause]
Dave: “I try not to think about it.”

One wonders if all that somniferous dead air were in Hsieh’s script. Takeuchi’s built-in affability survives this curious touch; the overall vibe does not.

Hammonds comes off too young to play her Manic Pixie Dream Fare with believability; switching roles with the more experienced Sarah Dumont (Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse) as a late-night waitress who catches Dave’s eye (and vice versa) would benefit both actresses and the simple story. Another would be to give more scenes for comic-relief cabbie Will Springhorn to steal with his amusing character’s sleazy braggadocio. Whenever Springhorn ambles in, which is not enough, he alights the screen; the rest of the film rarely works up such a spark — not for any considerable stretch and definitely not All Night. —Rod Lott

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Action

Wake of Death (2004)

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Admits Jean-Claude Van Damme’s character several times within the opening minutes of Wake of Death, “I’m tired.” Dude, we’ve noticed.

Van Damme’s Ben Archer is former mob muscle gone legit, now a club bouncer, loving father and devoted husband. His wife, Cynthia (Lisa King, Love N’ Dancing), is a cop who, upon discovering a boat of Asian refugees at the harbor, bring a scared young girl home for the night, as if test-driving a puppy from the pound. Unfortunately, 14-year-old Kim (Valerie Tian, 2012’s 21 Jump Street) is no ordinary refugee; she’s on the run from her father, who unfortunately is Triad crime boss Sun Quan (Simon Yam), who unfortunately slit his wife’s throat post-coitally as Kim unfortunately watched.

“I’m going to get Kim back my way,” says Quan, and boy, does he try, leaving a trail of bodies in his wake — a wake of death, one might say — including Cynthia’s. As you’d expect, that leaves Archer in reluctant but devoted charge of Kim, protecting her from own father. It’s not unlike Boaz Yakin’s Safe, the 2012 movie in which Jason Statham also protects a young Chinese girl from the Triad while also taking revenge on the goons who murdered his spouse. The difference is Safe is far smarter and better made, but it’s not like Wake of Death didn’t have a chance.

Shot in South Africa, the cheap actioner has four credited writers and went through three directors, the first being Hong Kong great Ringo Lam, reuniting with Yam after Full Contact and with Van Damme after three films, including Maximum Risk. Lam walked after a couple of weeks, so who knows which scenes are his; my guess is the film’s best: a motorcycle chase through a shopping mall, including up the escalators and jumping from level to level. A sequence as bravura as that rises above Wake’s other set pieces, which are so poorly staged and edited that the viewer is never given the chance to invest oneself. Since Philippe Martinez (The Chaos Experiment) holds the directorial credit and also produced, we can pin the failure on him.

Van Damme himself is fine. Ironically, the further time removes him from his box-office heyday, the better an actor he becomes. Every now and again, one of his DVD premieres pops with some acclaim — like 2008’s JCVD and 2012’s Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning — but not enough to fuel a career comeback. Wake of Death isn’t one of those standouts, lumbering with so many slow-motion shots and needless scenes — like watching Yam practicing tai chi for a hot minute — that the running time keeps calling attention to its own padding. —Rod Lott

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Sci-Fi & Fantasy

The Bermuda Depths (1978)

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Made for television, The Bermuda Depths is one of those siren-o’-the-sea stories, with Connie Sellecca (Captain America II: Death Too Soon) doing the honors as Jennie, who swims like a serpent, apparently lives in the Bermuda Triangle and — as local legend has it — sold her soul to the devil. She’s not a mermaid, but she may as well be.

In fact, The Bermuda Depths may as well be a proto-Splash of sorts. Just shove Fraternity Vacation’s Leigh McCloskey in what would be the Tom Hanks role and extract all humor. And instead of John Candy, we get Burl Ives, looking like a can of Dinty Moore Beef Stew Big Bowl made human.

Adorned with an ever-present puka shell necklace, McCloskey’s Magnus Dens (huh?) is a perennial college dropout who returns to his childhood home of Bermuda, where he romped on the beach with a girl named Jennie and a sea turtle as big as a rocking horse. Orphaned as a child after his scientist father perished in a freak and vaguely supernatural accident, Magnus receives an overly hearty welcome — and a big exposition dump — from his marine biologist pal (Action Jackson himself, Carl Weathers).

Jennie pops up, too; now played by Sellecca, she’s all grown up and, well, weird. How much of that is in the script or Sellecca’s blasé performance has us shrug, but Jennie’s presence raises a lot of questions, like:
• Is this all in Magnus’ head?
• Why does her hair have a sheen?
• Why do eyes glow?
• Hey, what’s up with the now-Gamera-sized turtle?

I’ll address the last one: Because The Bermuda Depths is less a true example of Trianglesploitation and more about kaiju, following in the big footsteps left by The Last Dinosaur. Both were directed by Tsugunobu “Tom” Kotani for Rankin/Bass, the noted purveyor of those creepy yet cherished stop-motion Christmas specials from the late 1960s and early ’70s, so it’s only natural the miniatures and mattes carry some of that brand’s distinctive visual magic. At its best points, Bermuda imparts a narcotic quality; at its worst, it’s narcotized. —Rod Lott

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