Man-Thing (2005)

In a gator-infested swamp town (played by Australia), the main employer is a greedy oil corporation drilling on Native American-owned land. According to tribal legend, a swamp monster — a Man-Thing, if you will — comes to life for vengeance on the honkies. And hey, whaddaya know, the myth is true!

Played by 7-foot wrestler Conan Stevens, Man-Thing isn’t shown much until the film’s final quarter, when he’s revealed to look like an upside-down stalk of broccoli with glowing red eyes and ever-flowing tendrils. In the Marvel comic book on which this ecological terror tale is based, the character was more akin to DC’s Swamp Thing: a kindly creature with a human conscience. Here, he’s simply a peakaboo monster — window dressing for the sole purpose of bloodletting. More thought went into how to animate him than what to have him do. No wonder this one skipped theaters.

But Man-Thing’s biggest problem is it’s just a snore, mate. Director Brett Leonard (The Lawnmower Man) gives the flick a slick look, but the script by Hans Rodionoff (Deep Blue Sea 2) gives him so little to work with. This is ironic, considering Rodionoff turned in terrific work with Man-Thing: Whatever Knows Fear …, a then-recent comic miniseries that serves as this movie’s prequel (and its superior).

At one point, a wise, old Native America — you know he’s wise because he draws things with his finger in a pile of sugar — tells the sheriff (Matthew Le Nevez, 2005’s Feed), “Maybe he’s in the swamp. Maybe the swamp’s in him.” This totally reminded me of Wes Studi’s “until you learn to master your rage, your rage will become your master” aphorisms from Mystery Men. This fleeting realization gave me more pleasure than the giant-sized painful entirety of Man-Thing. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

To Catch a Killer (2023)

Auld acquaintance should be forgotten, not sniped. Someone in Baltimore failed to get the message, killing 29 celebrants on New Year’s Eve from a downtown perch several stories up. As soon as the authorities determine where, the place explodes, leaving no DNA for them to trace.

What’s an FBI chief investigator to do? If you’re Agent Lammarck (Ben Mendelsohn, Ready Player One), you recruit beat cop Eleanor Falco (Shailene Woodley, the Divergent trilogy), because you sense the destructive force within her. Whereas the killer turns the harmful urge against others, she turns it against herself (i.e., she’s a cutter); therefore, she’s exactly who he needs.

To Catch a Killer, Wednesdays this fall on NBC.

Kidding about the TV part, although — generic James Patterson-esque title and everything — To Catch a Killer is the definition of crime procedural as comfort-food viewing. A couple of factors elevate it above network-tube fare. For one, Mendelsohn. Always fantastic, he’s a pleasure not only to watch, but to hear; his voice betters the material, as does the hands-and-fingers acting on display here — magnetic once you notice.

I run hot and cold on Woodley, but she’s fine as what is essentially a more paternally influenced take on Jodie Foster’s iconic role in The Silence of the Lambs. Woodley’s pairing with Mendlesohn is like Clarice Starling had spent hours with Agent Jack Crawford instead of Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

The movie’s other pinch of je ne sais quoi is Damián Szifron, the Argentinian director of 2014’s sharp, acidic anthology, Wild Tales, rightly Oscar-nominated for Best Foreign Language Film. His camera is fluid and adept at zeroing in on unusual angles; showdown sequences in a mall and a drugstore ring with discomforting tension and demonstrate an impeccable control of timing. That’s why it’s so disheartening to watch Szifron give the eventually discovered killer the opportunity to deliver the de rigueur speech on Why He Is Who He Is.

Oddly, To Catch a Killer represents Szifron’s first gig since Wild Tales — an alarming, near-decade gap! How he went from something so unhinged to something that could end with Dick Wolf’s production company logo (not to mention a three-hour programming block along its spin-off series, To Catch a Killer: Seattle and To Catch a Killer: Behavioral Science Unit) is an even greater mystery than this one poses. Unlike Killer’s, it remains unsolved. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Blood Covered Chocolate (2022)

Recovering drug addict Massimo (Michael Klug, House of Black Wings) credits his girlfriend (Christine Nguyen) with his sobriety. They’re madly in love and destined for a wonderful life together … until the “millennial soy boy” (to quote his racist stepfather) gets bitten by a vampire, which fucks everything up.

Look, if Monte Light wants to call Blood Covered Chocolate an homage to the 1922 classic Nosferatu, he has every right. This is his movie, after all. But I found it to be original (or as original as one can get within the vampire genre) — very much its own thing, Lynchian light zaps excepted. Garlic, sunshine, crucifixes — all mean diddly squat in this overall impressive indie.

Doing a 180˚ from 2020’s Space, Light shoots Blood Covered Chocolate in crisp black and white, with the occasional nod to color in kaleidoscopic-pattern cutaways, Zoom calls, cartoon clips and tinted scenes. Most visually arresting among the latter floods the screen’s left side blood-red as a shadow of a vampiric hand (the most overt Nosferatu reference) slowly nears Massimo’s oblivious mother (Debra Lamb, Deathrow Gameshow), who’s standing in the frame’s grayscale right. In addition to flashing to public-domain works from Fritz Lang and Max Fleischer, Light cribs the iconic floating-head-and-spine monstrosity from the Indonesian oddity Mystics in Bali.

A staple of Fred Olen Ray and Jim Wynorksi erotic comedies (including the recent Bigfoot or Bust!), Nguyen uses her Blood Covered role to her advantage, proving she can act. She still has to take her clothes off, but for once, that’s secondary. I wish Klug were as skilled, but I found his affectations in timing and delivery awkward. Luckily, this flick flows fast, like a bladder draining a liter of water. Balls are required to begin your closing credits with the words “YOU HAVE JUST EXPERIENCED” filling the screen, but Light earns it. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Trance (2013)

Based on a 2001 British made-for-TV movie, Danny Boyle’s Trance casts X-Men: First Class’ James McAvoy (presumably standing in for Ewan McGregor) as Simon, an art auctioneer who becomes a media hero for foiling the heist of an über-valuable painting, yet pays the price when the would-be thief, Franck (Vincent Cassel, Jason Bourne), comes looking for it.

Trouble is, the knock to the noggin Franck gives Simon during the fray results in a bout of amnesia. To jog the priceless artwork’s location from the recesses of Simon’s mind, Franck sends him to a hypnotherapist (Rosario Dawson, Sin City).

From then on, viewers can question how much of what Boyle shows you can be trusted, as fragments of their hypnotizing sessions bleed into reality, and vice versa. While some may call this approach a mind-fuck, Trance emerges as too much of a mess to earn that badge.

Boyle sandwiched this baby in between his two-year planning stint as artistic director for the 2012 Olympics in London, and it shows. Whereas every twist and turn and layer of Christopher Nolan’s then-recent Inception felt meticulously graphed and charted and calculated, Trance feels as if its script pages were thrown into the air, and whatever Boyle caught, he shot and edited in that order.

The result is minor Boyle (as opposed to the major likes of Trainspotting). I admire sequences of the film while being somewhat cold on it as a whole. The theatricality of certain scenes is one plus, bearing influence of Boyle’s other Olympics side project, a UK stage production of a radically rebuilt Frankenstein. I think in particular of a scene where Simon hears Franck and his goons plotting against him in a loft above; he and we see the bad guys only as larger-than-life silhouettes amid butterscotch-colored light — a gorgeously structured image in a movie teeming with ugly deeds.

At least one of those scenes springs with a smidgen of goodwill, but it’s an unintended howler. I won’t spoil it, but you’ll know it when you see it. Or hear it, rather — just listen for the sound of an electric razor buzzing to life.

Art and artifice are Boyle’s ultimate themes, and he joyously maneuvers his characters so we’re constantly wondering, “Who’s manipulating whom?” The answer is that Boyle is manipulating his audience, but not skillfully enough that most viewers will be in the mood to be shifted and shoved. Trance is too slick and too empty for its own good. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Nefarious (2023)

Nefarious sells itself as a demonic-possession horror thriller. However, like Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas presenting as a family comedy, only to reveal itself as a two-person sermon on evangelical Christianity, so is Nefarious. Thou shall not bear false witness and all …

Serial killer Edward Wayne Brady (Sean Patrick Flanery, Saw 3D) is hours away from a blind date with the electric chair. Arriving at the prison, Dr. Martin (Jordan Belfi, Surrogates) is assigned to give Brady a psych evaluation, because the law states if he is insane, he cannot be executed. Seems like a big ol’ box that could’ve been checked anytime before the felon’s last day on earth, but just go with it.

Right away, Brady tells “ignorant sack of meat” Dr. Martin four incredibly bonkers things:
1. He wants to be executed.
2. But he can’t be killed.
3. Because he’s the devil.
4. Furthermore, the doc will commit three murders before the night’s through.

That’s a terrific setup, full of story possibilities. Instead, Brady and Martin sit and debate theology for an hour, with only the occasional potty, phone and/or smoke break for the doc. Brady not only works at convincing Martin of supernatural evil, but tries to get Martin to let the satanic spirit inhabit him and write the “dark gospel.” Their elongated conversation entails the kind of philosophical blabbering and muddy analogies one witnesses through clips of fundamentalist preachers at the pulpit or from the mentally ill on street corners, both using a ton of words to talk ’round and ’round the same circle.

I bear no built-in opposition to faith-based films … when they function as a movie first and impart a lesson second. Good examples of this can be found in the feature adaptations of Ted Dekker’s House and Thr3e (not to mention Dekker’s novels themselves). His stories are constructed with propulsive suspense, and viewers leave with a clear understanding of his message and beliefs without feeling like their head was held under bathwater by someone shouting demands for their repentance. (Another? William Friedkin’s The Exorcist. No, really.)

Shot in Oklahoma, Nefarious comes from Chuck Konzelman and Cary Solomon, who have found box-office riches with God’s Not Dead, God’s Not Dead 2, God’s Not Dead: We the People and — eventually, I presume — Are You There, Margaret? It’s Me, God, Still Not Dead. While I haven’t seen any of those, I can say Nefarious’ preaching-to-the-choir moralizing struck me in an off-putting way I couldn’t put my finger on. Afterward (via Google, as the screener had no credits), I understood why: It’s based on a book by Steve Deace, the conservative talk show host, college dropout and election denier who rallies against “COVID-19 tyranny” and pronouns — the kind of hateful, ignorant, boogeyman politics that unfortunately seep into “the church” these days.

Speaking of fire and brimstone, Flanery admirably devotes his blinking, twitchy, stammering all to his performance. While he obviously has the showier part, he wipes the acting floor with Belfi, who at times seems to be impersonating Ben Stiller impersonating Tom Cruise, but seriously. Rounding out the cast is Deace’s boss, inflammatory, fact-bending conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck, playing himself. Judging from Beck’s extended, last-scene cameo to essentially plug Deace’s novel, the sartorial choices of multishirted serpent Steve Bannon have rubbed off on him, because I counted no fewer than four layers covering his torso. —Rod Lott

Opens in theaters April 14.

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