Can you guess what movie or TV show we’re watching? We’ve turned on subtitles not to give you a clue, but to enhance that WTF effect! Leave your best guess in the comments to prove your true Flick Attackosity!
Wisconsin Death Trip (1999)
Between 1890 and 1900, a plague of bad luck and madness settled over the area around Black River Falls, Wis., about 68 miles west of Plainfield, Ed Gein’s stomping ground. Based on Michael Lesy’s book, Wisconsin Death Trip is a documentary that tells the story of dangerous, eccentric, insane happenings of that time and place.
I especially like the story of the farmer who committed suicide by digging a small hole in the ground, placing a stick of dynamite in it, lighting the fuse and then lying down with his head over the hole. And there’s former schoolteacher Mary Sweeney, aka the Wisconsin Window Smasher, who traversed the state several times, breaking panes when the mania came upon her to do so. One trip cost window-owners over $50,000. Locals are continually being hauled off to the Mendota Asylum, from which they frequently escape by just walking away or, more drastically, by hanging themselves.
Many of the film’s visuals are derived from period photos taken by Charles Van Schaik, including a lot of children in their coffins, and the narration by Ian Holm comes entirely from newspaper articles and obituaries of the time. Many of the incidents are re-created using actors.
This is easily one of the most unusual pictures you will ever see, but don’t expect a lightning pace or answers to your questions. No one seems to have figured out what was going on, beyond economic hard times and real estate sellers who lied to the under-educated Norwegian immigrants about the value of the land they bought sight unseen. And maybe lead in the water. This is one creepy movie. —Doug Bentin
11 Harrowhouse (1974)
If you happen to be a member of my demographic, chances are the words “Charles Grodin,” “sexy blonde” and “diamond heist” lead you to think of only one movie. Yes, The Great Muppet Caper is awesome and probably the best example of the Muppets’ cinematic oeuvre. That said, it turns out those very same words can be applied to another film — you just have to imagine Candice Bergen in the place of Miss Piggy.
11 Harrowhouse stars Grodin (who also scripted) as a small-time diamond broker who is hired by Trevor Howard to buy and cut a stone worth $1 million. His entry into the big time is cut short, however, when he and his wealthy, widowed girlfriend, Bergen, are robbed before they can deliver the jewel.
Unwilling to accept her help to pay back the money he owes, Grodin decides to relieve John Gielgud and the market-controlling “System” of their hidden stash of diamonds, with the help of a cancer-stricken James Mason and a painted cockroach.
As directed by Aram Avakian, 11 Harrowhouse moves with a confident, restrained sophistication currently absent in present-day productions. Grodin’s work on the script is clearly evident in his character’s narration and the film’s dry, but often hilarious humor (Bergen especially benefits from the lines she’s given). The heist itself is simple, but ingenious, and bears better scrutiny than those found in similar films.
A genuine underrated classic, this is the kind of movie that keeps you smiling hours after it has ended. —Allan Mott
P2 (2007)
Haven’t seen P1? Me neither, but it’s not required to get right into P2, a somewhat-around-average thriller, written and produced — yet oddly not directed — by Splat Pack member Alexandre Aja (High Tension, The Hills Have Eyes, Mirrors, Piranha 3D).
Rachel Nichols (G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra) unconvincingly plays a ballsy businesswoman whose Christmas Eve plans get ruined when she’s held hostage in her office building’s multilevel parking lot by obsessed attendant Tom (Wes Bentley, American Beauty). When her car won’t start, he “helps” her, starting with knocking her out with a good-ol’-fashioned rag o’ ether.
When Angela comes to, she’s been changed into a white party dress from which her ample breasts struggle to escape, and I’d be lying if I said this decision didn’t hold my attention for the remainder of an otherwise routine film. You’ve seen it before: Weird Guy menaces Hot Girl, Weird Guy kills innocents who wander in, then Hot Girl and Her Talented Boobs finally decide to fight back. What took you so long, Ang? Waiting for that nail to break?
What you might not have seen is how gruesomely the psychotic Tom dispatches one of those innocents. Just watch for the car-vs.-office-chair scene and prepare to wince. Bentley’s career may be like this film’s setting — in the basement — and should be for his Elvis impression, but Nichols’ is on the rise. And no wonder: She’s hot. P2? More like 34C. Zing! —Rod Lott
30 Days of Night: Dark Days (2010)
By all rights, I should be good and pissed about 30 Days of Night: Dark Days. The direct-to-DVD sequel is based on one of my favorite graphic novels ever, but takes my favorite character from that book and makes him barely more than a disposable catalyst to get the plot moving. In Steve Niles and Ben Templesmith’s printed version, the vampire Dane changes the way we — and Stella, the main character — see the bloodsuckers in the 30 Days of Night world. He’s also the third member of a deliciously morbid love triangle that includes Stella and her dead undead husband.
In director Ben Ketai’s version (although, to be fair, Niles co-wrote the script), Dane simply introduces Stella to a bunch of other vampire hunters and then disappears to let the humans have all the fun. And fun they have, which is why I can’t get angry about it.
Well, they don’t have fun. Not with all the bleeding and dying and smashing friends’ heads in with cement blocks that goes on. But it was gory, gruesome fun for me. And even though the movie takes other, huge liberties with the original story (simplifying some things; completely changing others, like what the vampires are up to), Niles and Ketai came up with a story that, allowed to stand by itself, holds together in an entertaining way.
The film isn’t as visually inventive as David Slade’s 30 Days of Night, but Ketai and his crew have obviously thought about some of the same things that Slade wrestled with, like how to make the movie look like Templesmith’s unique artistic style. They did a nice job of coming up with their own solutions, while also using enough of Slade’s techniques to tie the two movies together visually. —Michael May