Actress Megan Ward has starred in Joe’s Apartment, The Brady Bunch Movie and the TV series Dark Skies, whose complete run is now available on DVD from Shout! Factory.
FLICK ATTACK: Hi, Megan! So where are you today?
WARD: I’m at home today. I just put away, like, eight boxes of Christmas decorations in the back shed, and I feel like I deserve a cocktail or something for it.
FLICK ATTACK: Drink up!
WARD: No, it’s a little too early. But I swear, it was exhausting! So if I’m a little out of breath, that’s why.
FLICK ATTACK: I forgive you. So I was doing last-minute IMDb research and I learned that we both have daughters named Audrey, and you and my wife have the same middle name, so obviously, we share excellent, impeccable taste.
WARD: Oh, my God! Exactly! I don’t know when your wife was born, but it seems like around the time I was born, it was a very popular name. It seemed like I had no less than five friends who have the middle name Marie, so it must’ve been the trendy name of the time.
FLICK ATTACK: However, I have not had a guest role on Party of Five. So that’s where the similarities end.
WARD: Yeah. You didn’t die of a drug overdose. Didn’t devirginize Bailey, no.
FLICK ATTACK: Speaking of IMDb, it says you speak Japanese. Confirm or deny?
WARD: True! I do!
FLICK ATTACK: Say something.
WARD: No, it’s gone!
FLICK ATTACK: Oh, come on.
WARD: こんにちは。おはようございます。私の名前は Megan。どのようにですか？あなたの名前は何ですか？
FLICK ATTACK: And what’s that mean?
WARD: “Hello. Good morning. My name is Megan. How are you? What’s your name?” I grew up in Hawaii and every school offered Japanese. I had started modeling at the age of 9, so it seemed like a practical thing for me to learn. I wasn’t 100 percent, but I could read and write it. I could get around! But that was a long time ago. When I got to sushi restaurants now, inevitably, by the end, I go, “I know what he said,” but it’s far back and covered with dust.
FLICK ATTACK: Onto Dark Skies, since that’s what we’re supposed to be talking about. At the time it aired, serialized shows weren’t exactly in vogue. But after the success of Lost and 24, do you think it would do better nowadays?
WARD: Oh, my God, yes! It was completely ahead of its time. Part of its tragedy is that it was compared to The X-Files in that people felt it was ripping off X-Files. And the only way it was similar is that it involved aliens and a male/female lead. Other than that, it was a very different show and very much like all the shows that have been on now. I don’t know what it’d do — you can’t make these predictions on what will hit — but it’s very of-the-now. It’s very subversive, it’s very complicated, it involves historical events. Imagine now, people could be Googling and going to Wikipedia during an episode. Historically, it was all accurate, and that’s what made the intrigue and the twist on the story cool, and the more you knew about that, the more interesting it would be. It would be very timely to do that now.
FLICK ATTACK: Which was scarier for you: the alien creatures or the period hairdos you had to wear?
WARD: Um, I don’t know. That’s a really good question! Or the Playtex bra, or the girdle. I have to say, I really like the period stuff, I really like becoming a character, but you’re very limited to the person who’s doing your hair, the way the director wants it, the way the studio wants it. It was a bit of a struggle about the size of it and the shape of it. Somedays, it was great, and other days, I couldn’t believe it got so big. I just wanted them to trim it down somehow, with CGI effects.
FLICK ATTACK: You’ve been acting for 20 years now. Going back to the beginning, out of the four films you did for Full Moon Pictures — and I’ve seen them all — did any of them buy you a tank of gas?
WARD: Exactly! Well, yeah, sure! Charlie Band gave me my first job, which was Crash and Burn. And I think I had done one or two guest spots right before that. It was a feature film and a three-picture contract, even though it was just paperwork — it didn’t guarantee anything. It felt like a much bigger deal than it probably ended up being professionally, when you look back on it: “Oh, yeah, these are straight to video.” But they were all distributed by Paramount and it was great. He had quite the machine going there. He took a shine to me and really believed in me and I owe a lot to him! He gave me a bunch of movies there I feel like I cut my teeth on. Even though it was a small production, I feel very fortunate that that’s where I got my start. It was real moviemaking.
FLICK ATTACK: This isn’t much of a question, but did you know I watched Amityville 1992: It’s About Time just because you were in it?
WARD: No, but I’m really flattered!
FLICK ATTACK: And would you believe I’ve seen it three times now?
WARD: Noooo, you’re kidding!
FLICK ATTACK: No, I’m not.
WARD: Those movies are fun. Those movies are so fun. They’re genre movies: You kinda know what to expect, and it’s fun to take the ride. Even though it was a small movie, again, and there are bits that are silly, I suppose, but it’s a legacy, the Amityville series. “I’ve been in an Amityville film.” You know, that’s pretty cool, I think! I like that I can say that.
FLICK ATTACK: Is it strange that when a lot of people hear your name, they automatically picture you attached to Blossom‘s older brother?
WARD: I wish they did, because then they would’ve seen the movie! I nearly killed Michael Stoyanov on that movie, Freaked. First of all, he came from a sitcom, so he was used to this really easy work schedule. Such lazy work, let me tell you. So he was getting used to these long hours and crazy locations, and we’re strapped together the entire time. He quit smoking and was getting married as soon as the movie was done. So he was under so much pressure! I was going to be the death of him, I know. He was annoying, but he’ll admit to it. I loved him then and I love him now, but he could be a pain in the ass. There was a rule that we couldn’t be strapped together for more than 20 minutes at a time before a break.
FLICK ATTACK: Within a span of two years you worked with both Pauly Shore in Encino Man and Jeremy Piven in PCU. Did SAG’s health plan cover the therapy bills this had to have cost you?
WARD: You know, they were both really, really good to me. They were really sweet. It’s funny now to me how famous they become. Pauly was very kind. He never pulled any diva stunt with me, but we weren’t that close, either. Jeremy was so our team captain on that one. We were all kids — I mean, Jon Favreau was in it, David Spade was in it — and we were all crazy and on the loose in Toronto for two months. He was a good leader.
FLICK ATTACK: You were on General Hospital. Did your time there coincide with James Franco?
WARD: It’s funny, because my character actually introduces his character, but because I was working on something else, I couldn’t be in the scenes where he was supposed to show up.
FLICK ATTACK: You got robbed, basically.
WARD: Yeah, yeah.
FLICK ATTACK: And our 15 minutes are up.
WARD: Ohhh …
FLICK ATTACK: It was a pleasure to talk with you.
WARD: Yes! And thanks for watching Amityville! And thanks for knowing Freaked, too!
FLICK ATTACK: Well, I have to admit I’ve had a crush on you since the ’90s, so …
WARD: Aw, that’s very sweet! And now, look, we have a daughter, Audrey! —Rod Lott
Additional questions by Allan Mott.
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Charles Ludlam, late founder of the Ridiculous Theatrical Company, once wrote a play the dialogue of which consisted of the punch lines of old jokes. No, I don’t remember the title. Jeez, do I have to do everything around here? 
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Cursed with the kind of voice that causes dogs to howl in misery whenever she speaks, her is further diminished by a script that requires her to essay the role of the whiniest protagonist in the history of narrative storytelling. At times, the dialogue suggests that this was a deliberate choice on the part of director/co-writer Albert Pyun. Forced to cast Ireland as his lead, he obviously decided to turn her greatest weakness into the film’s main running joke, but chose to do so in a way that only makes watching it more of a chore than it might have otherwise been.
You just have to look at its credits to appreciate what a one-of-a-kind movie 
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If you think they’ll discover the film’s villain of the doll-masked Babyface there, you’ve seen more than one horror movie! These Hills aren’t exactly original — in fact, they’re downright predictable — but that has to be all part of the plan, paying homage to down-and-dirty conventions of the slasher genre in its heyday, while bringing it into the present with an unrated amount of gore, much of it made possible by the creative use of barbed wire.