The Mummy and the Curse of the Jackals (1969)

If you think the title of The Mummy and the Curse of the Jackals is clumsy, wait until you see the movie. No, really — as the crosswalks for the blind warn aloud every few seconds, wait!

The final film (at least that weren’t X-rated) for Western director Oliver Drake, the tacky Jackals finds archaeologist Dave (Anthony Eisley, The Doll Squad) obsessed with the well-preserved corpse of an Egyptian princess (belly dancer Marliza Pons) with a breastplate apparently made of Cinnabons. Dave asks his pal, Bob (Robert Alan Browne, Psycho III), to lock him inside for the night: “What could possibly happen?” Dave says. “This is Nevada, good ol’ USA.”

Yeah, even though a full moon is out (I see a bad movie rising), it’s not like he’s gonna catch the curse of the jackals.

Dave catches the curse of the jackals. This means his hands turn into paws that appear inflated to 45 psi and he dons the werewolf head from the same year’s sexploitation oddity, Dracula (the Dirty Old Man), which shares writer/producer William Edwards. On his first outing, Jackal Dave slays a couple of cops who scream out of sync.

On the plus side, the princess resurrects! Although her face looks like an unfinished clay sculpture, Human Dave is entranced and informs her of double-date plans: “You better change. Bob and Donna want to have dinner with us,” he says, before teaching her about bras. Meeting Bob and Donna (TV actress Maurine Dawson) at a steakhouse, he introduces the pharaoh’s daughter using the nom de plume of Connie: “She’s not from here. She comes from … back east.”

Meanwhile, a pop-eyed mummy (Saul Goldsmith) in grubby bandages awakens, strangles a stripper, busts through a paper-thin wall, interrupts the steakhouse’s stage show, kidnaps Connie and limps down the Vegas strip without a film permit as onlookers laugh. You’ll relate.

With John Carradine cameoing as a professor and painfully inert flashbacks to 4,800 years prior, The Mummy and the Curse of the Jackals is a howl and a half. That’s in spite of — or because of — slapdash editing and snuff-film lighting that look paid for by a bucket of coins swiped from Marge from Boise at the penny slots. —Rod Lott

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Maximum Truth (2023)

Maximum Truth’s premise is so close to how the game of politics is played today, it’s not even funny. Luckily, the movie is.

The mockumentary follows political consultant Rick Klingman (Blockers’ Ike Barinholtz) on his latest assignment: digging up dirt on a California Congressional candidate (Max Minghella, 2021’s Spiral) who appears to be squeaky-clean.

Like that will ever stop Klingman — grifters gotta grift. For help, he ropes in his backward-capped bro bud, Simon (The Maze Runner himself, Dylan O’Brien), a protein-powder entrepreneur. Their boneheaded investigations lead them to the candidate’s former classmates, past co-workers, mere acquaintances — hell, anybody — who might point them to sexual harassment cases, sex tapes and other potential reputation besmirchers. At every turn, they fail with spectacular incompetence. Even with the crap allegations they invent.

Halfway through, I realized Klingman and Simon are basically the intentionally funny versions of real-life conspiracy theorists/convicted felons Jack Burkman and Jacob Wohl. Barinholtz and his co-scripter, director David Stassen, allow viewers to draw parallels from the duo’s chicanery without smacking them across the face while asking, “Didja get it?” Another good example: After we meet Klingman leading a protest against a play about a gay Abe Lincoln, we meet his “roommate,” Marco (comedian Tony Rodriguez, stealing each scene); rather than underline the hypocrisy, the film lets it exist without comment.

With choice bits from Beth Grant (Little Miss Sunshine) as Klingman’s pain pill-popping benefactor, Kiernan Shipka (Sally from TV’s Mad Men) as a gun-loving would-be donor and comedian Jena Friedman (one of the funniest people on the planet, period), Maximum Truth feels more outlined than scripted, meaning I suspect the film is largely the result of improvisation.

That’s all fine and dandy since I laughed to myself throughout. I laughed out loud — and I mean loud — once, right after Klingman compares Simon to Jason Bourne; not top-of-mind known for comedy, O’Brien reacts with a move that’s entirely physical and one of the most hilarious things I’ve seen all year. I just wish the climax, lacking proper payoff, packed half that much punch. —Rod Lott

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Santo in the Wax Museum (1963)

Everyone from Gary Cooper to Gandhi guests in the eighth of luchador Santo’s escapades. So what if they’re basically sculpted candles in a Mexico waxworks? They help make Santo in the Wax Museum a field trip worth taking. Get those permission slips signed early, kids.

Said museum is owned by Dr. Karol (Claudio Brook, Cronos), who’s particularly proud of the horror figures in the basement: Mr. Hyde, Quasimodo, Frankenstein’s monster, the Wolfman, the Phantom of the Opera. Despite all being fictional characters, Karol deems them “faithful reproductions.” Some stand noticeably more still than others.

When a foxy magazine photographer (Roxana Bellini, The Brainiac) doing a story on the place becomes the third visitor to vanish of late, Dr. K falls under the authorities’ glare of suspicion. They call upon El Santo and his sparkle cape to help find the kidnappers — well, between matches in the ring, naturally.

Is it possible that Karol’s time in a Nazi concentration camp infused him with mad-scientist leanings? You already knew the answer by paragraph 2. You wanna watch anyway. I get it. I feel the same, although — heresy alert! — I have no patience for its long wrestling sequences, even as I recognize the Santo series wouldn’t exist otherwise. One of Santo in the Wax Museum’s bouts pits our hero against El Tigre del Ring.

Taking inspiration from the then-decade-old House of Wax, director Alfonso Corona Blake follows up his first Santo pic, 1962’s Santo vs. the Vampire Women, but never made another. Both in black and white, the Blake joints were among the quartet dubbed for Yanks by K. Gordon Murray. —Rod Lott

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Mad Heidi (2022)

Pardon me, but my American heritage is showing. Since childhood, I’ve occasionally confused Heidi with Pippi Longstocking. One Euro white-girl kid-lit icon is the same as another, right?

Until now. Heidi is the one who says, “Rest in cheese, bitch,” as she shoves a rubber hose of milk up her enemy’s pooper. According to the movie Mad Heidi, that is. (Or is that action part of 1880 canon?)

For 20 years, all cheese has been illegal, except the Meili’s brand (“Now 30% lactose!”), owned by and named for the president of Switzerland (Dracula 3000’s Casper Van Dien, clearly having a ball). As the Swiss National Day celebration approaches, Meili schemes with his chief cheese scientist (Pascal Ulli) to ensure his cheese will make his subjects “dumb as fuck.”

But not if mountain girl Heidi (newcomer Alice Lucy) can help it. After her goat-farming boyfriend (Kel Matsena) is murdered for his underground goat cheese operation by Meili’s Kommandant Knorr (the Joe Pesci-esque Max Rüdlinger), she trains in the ways of pointy spears for vengeance.

Her pigtails and Swiss Miss clothing belie her prison-honed makeover as a killing machine, programmed with quips straight from a discarded draft of the Book of Schwarzenegger. “Now that’s what I call a swan song,” she states upon murdering a man with his accordion.

As if you needed telling, the movie is a side-of-barn broad comedy packed with cheese puns, cheese sight gags and cheese allusions — all played out by the second scene. If you think I’ve gone overboard with the word “cheese,” director and co-writer Johannes Hartmann takes note and exclaims, “No whey!”

All a goof, Mad Heidi is cut from the same cheesecloth as the ironic likes of Sharknado, Snakes on a Plane or Hobo with a Shotgun, desperately and transparently attempting to achieve instant cult status through sheer willpower. It doesn’t deserve it, nor will it be granted that, yet the flick is hardly a cash grab or lazy exercise.

Mad Heidi is best when it parodies the women-in-prison subgenre or goes strictly for gore, as purposely garish as the Alps are spacious (and no doubt the influence of Troma veteran Trent Haaga as one of four screenwriters). However, no moment is as funny or knowing than its Swissploitation Films title animation, spoofing the Paramount logo. I give Hartmann and his cast credit for dedicating 110% of themselves to the joke, even if it would work better as a 90-second fake trailer than the 90-minute feature it is. —Rod Lott

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Targets (1968)

One of the last features to showcase ailing Boris Karloff and his iconic work, Targets is a long-admired, rarely seen treatise on the old-school way of moviemaking as the new school leads the way. It also predicts, sadly, the way well-armed gunmen will undertake thrill-killing by any means necessary — an entertaining blueprint, if you will.

Targets is also the debut of a kinder kind of director Peter Bogdanovich, long before Tatum O’Neal had a sip of vodka, dating soon-deceased Playboy Playmate Dorothy Stratten and, worst of all, making At Long Last Love. Sorry!

Based on the real-life shootings at the University of Texas at Austin campus by Charles Whitman in 1966, the film is about the unmotivated actions of the personable Bobby (Tim O’Kelly). Those include killing his entire family, shooting at drivers on the highway and then headed for the local drive-in. Meanwhile, horror legend Orlok (Karloff) has decided to quit acting, but shows up at one last event: the premiere of his new picture (depicted with Karloff clips from Roger Corman’s The Terror) at the local drive-in.

Worlds collide when the madman confronts the monster, in a scene that is stilted but emotional, especially knowing the movie uses the basis for workplace and school shootings that continue to thrive in our violent culture. The last 50-plus years have seen Targets become more chilling and downright scary, even if Whitman’s name has been lost to time.

Bogdanovich’s film is incredibly well-made, with a great script and great characters; the duality between Bobby and Orlok is apparent. O’Kelly is terrific as the mild-mannered lad with the brooding veneer of a psycho; it’s the way real killers should act on screen, instead of being a carbon-copy of Charles Manson.

Targets is a wholly engaging picture of a fictionally creative mind against the horror of a psychotic mind. Like Stephen King’s Rage or Judas Priest’s music, it targets the art, the artists and how the diseased mind works, good or bad. Either way, Targets respects the filmic past while it immolates the immediate future. —Louis Fowler

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