The Hellraiser Films and Their Legacy

hellraiserfilmsRecently I read Stefan Jaworzyn’s The Texas Chain Saw Massacre Companion, which sets out to cover the entire franchise (up to its 2004 publication date, at least), yet does it in a way that’s lazy, shoddy and unfriendly to the reader. By contrast, Paul Kane’s The Hellraiser Films and Their Legacy shows how a retrospective on a horror-film franchise — or on any genre, really — should be done. It’s not difficult.

Jaworzyn’s book is not new, and neither is Kane’s, but the latter is now available in a reprint — and in a much more affordable paperback edition, at that — from McFarland & Company. Needless to say, any Hellraiser fan worth his or her satanic salt should own it.

Benefitting from a wealth of interviews, Kane recounts Clive Barker’s creation of the world of the Cenobites in The Hellbound Heart and his aim to bring that novel to the big screen himself, having been less-than-enthused about what filmmakers had done with adapting his work prior (see: Transmutations or Rawhead Rex — or don’t, as Barker would prefer).

We now know he succeeded, but in real life, conclusions aren’t so foregone. Turns out, there’s a real story to be told of the 1987 hit’s making, including battles over the budget and its rating. Hollywood’s response was not to give Barker creative freedom on his next project … but to offer him Alien 3.

Kane could’ve stopped there, but instead continues giving the same thorough, behind-the-scenes treatment for each and every sequel (except 2011’s Hellraiser: Revelations, made after the book’s original 2006 publication), whether released theatrically or straight to home video. Among them, the greatest tale of production belongs to the tortured one of the series’ fourth, 1996’s Hellraiser: Bloodlines, the one that sent Pinhead into space and took three directors to complete, if you count the infamous Alan Smithee disowning pseudonym to whom it’s credited.

Smartly avoiding start-to-finish, beat-for-beat synopses, Kane instead follows each film’s story of conception with an exploration into the themes it presents and probes. Luckily, the author does a damn good job of it. Rounding out the book is a brief look at Hellraiser‘s entry into other media, most notably comics.

Jesus wept … for joy! —Rod Lott

Buy it at Amazon.

Wanna Win The Guillotines?

guillotinesUPDATE: Winner is Caleb Forrest!

We’re giving away a copy of The Guillotines on Blu-ray to one lucky summabitch in these United States of America. How to enter? Easy!

Just leave a relevant comment on any review on this site before next Saturday, Aug. 24. That’s when one lucky commenter will be picked at random to have this movie shipped to his or her door. Winner will be notified via email, so make sure the email address you leave to comment is a valid one.

Buy it at Amazon.

Tombs of the Blind Dead (1972)

tombsblindHaving recently located her thriving mannequin-manufacturing biz to Lisbon, Betty (Lone Fleming, 1977’s It Happened at Nightmare Inn) reunites with Virginia (María Elena Arpón, The House That Screamed), her roomie from boarding school. Virginia’s square-jawed boyfriend, Roger (César Burner, Green Inferno), immediately suggests the three of them take a train trip to the countryside.

En route, Virginia gets jealous of a growing flirtation between her beau and her BFF, so she leaps off the choo-choo. Instead of walking the tracks back to the station like a normal person, however, she heads off perpendicular to them, through spacious fields to the ruins of Berzano, a medieval town now abandoned for good reason: Because up from its cemetery pop the ghosts of the Knights Templar, depicted here as skeletons in soot-covered hooded robes. (Where the risen knights keep their horses goes unaddressed.)

tombsblind1Yes, Virginia, there is a supernatural force of evil awakened! You’ve disturbed the Tombs of the Blind Dead! The first in writer/director Amando de Ossorio’s four-film series, the Spanish Tombs comes unearthed with a twist on the ol’ zombie conceit: On account of having their eyes pecked out by crows in the 13th century, these guys can’t see a lick; with a thirst for blood, they track their victims by sound, from dire screams to a quickened heartbeat.

Even though the Blind Dead move like semi-frozen molasses, they are terrifying characters. The way their bones pop through graves and shuffle through the maze-like ruins is a dirt-cheap effect, yet highly effective, encouraging viewer cries of “Run, bitch, run!” as they close in on their clueless prey. Other than an ugly rape scene, de Ossorio demonstrates keen instincts on what works, right down to an ending that proves more disturbing by letting your mind fill in its blanks. —Rod Lott

Buy it at Amazon.

Mean Johnny Barrows (1976)

meanjohnnyIn (and as) Mean Johnny Barrows, Fred Williamson (Black Caesar) plays a decorated Vietnam solider dishonorably discharged from the service for punching a soldier who made him step on a live land mine. Back in California, Unemployed Johnny Barrows can’t seem to find a job. I don’t think it helps that all he wears are jeans so poorly acid-washed that it looks like he peed in them.

Eventually he gets tied up with the mob, hired to be a hit man for $100 grand and a piece of land. One of his assignments is to take out gangster Tony Da Vince, played by Roddy McDowall. After watching the Planet of the Apes star attempt to act like an Italian mobster, I now know where Dana Carvey found the inspiration for his Pistachio Disguisey character in The Master of Disguise; McDowall is more convincing kissing the curvy mob moll — and that’s saying something.

meanjohnny1By the finale, Ambidextrous Johnny Barrows infiltrates a mob boss’ hideout with a shotgun in each hand. Minutes later, he’s defeating an opponent with a well-aimed Chinese star to the eye, making him Master Ninja Johnny Barrows.

Directed by Williamson himself, Mean Johnny Barrows also stars slumming white folk Stuart Whitman (Night of the Lepus) and that noted blaxploitation staple Elliot Gould (Ocean’s Eleven). The actioner ends as all actioners should: with the words “Dedicated to the veteran who traded his place on the front line for a place in the unemployment line – peace is hell” superimposed over a freeze frame of a honky bitch getting blown to smithereens. —Rod Lott

Buy it at Amazon.

Left Behind (2001)

leftbehindThe late, great critic Roger Ebert wrote, “A movie is not about what it is about. It is about how it is about it.” Meaning it isn’t the story that’s ultimately important in storytelling, but how it is told. For example, The Birth of a Nation is both riveting and disgustingly racist. Could Left Behind pull off the same trick? After all, I’m hardly the target audience.

What it is about: Based on Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins’ best-selling, 16-book series of fundamentalist thrillers, Left Behind concerns those who are “left behind” after the Christian Rapture. With all believers absent with leave, the Antichrist starts his ascension, and only a few brave souls understand the peril.

Having read the first book, I can say it fails Ebert’s axiom with honors. It’s a fear-mongering rant against the deadly horrors of secular humanism, a leaden tome of speechifying dullness incapable of creating even the mildest of tension or interest, mostly due to a complete lack of authorial talent. It’s so tedious it can’t even be enjoyed as camp. Can the movie succeed where the book failed?

leftbehind1How it is about it: Such a wingnut-fundamentalist film probably scared off potential stars, but placing faith (as it were) in the acting prowess of TV’s Mike Seaver? Kirk Cameron has all the heft of a vacuous teen idol whose 15 minutes ended 20 years ago.

Yes, it’s arguably unfair to tar him with the sheer awfulness of his Growing Pains sitcom fame, but boy, howdy, it’s both easy and entirely accurate. (What, Stephen Baldwin wasn’t available?) Beyond Cameron’s black hole of charisma, there’s a cast of D-list television actors and slumming Canadian talent. I’ve seen better acting in low-rent lawyer commercials.

Directing-wise? Same issue. Don’t blame the budget; Michael Tolkin’s brilliant 1991 film, The Rapture, posits a biblical apocalypse, yet still manages to be intellectually and emotionally thrilling on a budget less than that of your average TBS sitcom. No such luck here with one Vic Sarin: We’re talking Uwe Boll levels of incompetence. It’s monotonous, dreary and, cinematically speaking, ugly, flat and bland.

In the end, Left Behind is a preachy and insulting hunk of dull so awful it could only appeals to zealots, so unpleasant it may convince believers to leave the church. It’s an excruciatingly bad story, told in the least interesting manner possible.

And worse than all that? It’s as boring as sin. —Corey Redekop

Buy it at Amazon.

Random Genre & Cult Movie Reviews