The Living Skeleton (1968)

livingskeletonOne of the precious few genre films made by Japan’s Shochiku production studio, The Living Skeleton is a good one. The ghost story begins aboard the Dragon King, a ship carrying gold bullion, which makes it a natural to be robbed by a gang of ugly-mugged, well-armed pirates. It is, and one of its passengers, the young woman Yoriko (Kikko Matsuoka, Bushido), is raped and killed.

Three years later, Yoriko’s identical-twin sister, Saeko (also played by Matsuoka), has an uncanny feeling that her sibling is still alive. She believes it so strongly that her fiancé (Yasunori Irikawa, Samurai Spy) accompanies her to scuba-dive at the spot of Yoriko’s would-be watery grave. There, they discover a number of skeletons floating together, chained at the ankle bones — the film’s most memorable image. Then things get weird.

livingskeleton1The Living Skeleton represents the lone directorial outing of Hiroshi Matsuno, which is world cinema’s loss because he proved himself quite adept at the camera. Several shots within the black-and-white picture impress with innovation even by the standards of today, especially those starkly framed by the sunglasses of the lead pirate, one side of whose face looks to have burnt into strips of jerky.

Although occasionally too dark (in lighting, not subject matter), the mood created by Matsuno makes up for budgetary shortcomings most evident in the use of rubber bats and toy boats. Be forewarned of an uncharacteristically jazzy score that blares! blares! blares! as shocks appear onscreen; Matsuno’s odd revenge tale of the supernatural — or is it? — comes prepackaged with plenty, so get used to hearing it. —Rod Lott

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The Island (1980)

islandJust when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, Jaws producers David Brown and Richard D. Zanuck returned to plumb the then-shallow well of Peter Benchley novels for another round of ocean-set thrills. The result was The Island, so waterlogged it’s hardly worth even thinking about. Not one moment approaches the spine-tingling suspense promised by the film’s nerve-shattering poster.

After 600 boats have vanished within three years in the Caribbean waters, magazine writer Blair Maynard (Michael Caine, who would later star, ironically enough, in Jaws: The Revenge) is dying to pursue the story. Because the divorced dad has his 12-year-old son (Jeffrey Frank, in his one and only feature) for the weekend, Blair tricks the kid into going to Florida with him by promising a trip to Disney World.

island1That never happens; instead, they get trapped in a real-life variation of the Pirates of the Caribbean attraction after crash-landing on an island — er, the island — where actual pirates separate Justin from his father, under the orders of their leader (David Warner, The Omen). While Blair is tortured with leeches, Justin is all-too-easily brainwashed into turning against dear Dad.

One method used to turn Justin is sleep deprivation, which is what the bulk of the film feels like. Boasting scenery galore, it’s nonetheless exceedingly dull and slow-moving. Director Michael Ritchie had a flair for comedy (Fletch, The Bad News Bears, Smile), not chills, but he can’t shoulder the blame for the biggest nonmoving part: the screenplay, penned by Benchley himself. It could use some Carl Gottlieb. —Rod Lott

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The Batman Filmography: Second Edition

batmanfilmographyAlthough I’m sure it could be done, it is extremely difficult to imagine a Batman filmography more exhaustive than, well, The Batman Filmography. Now in its second edition (a lot has happened in Bat-cinema since the original publication in 2004, you know), Mark S. Reinhart’s book is the complete history of the caped crusader on screens big and small. It does everything but weigh in on the controversial casting of Ben Affleck as Batman for the upcoming Man of Steel sequel. (Third edition, perhaps?)

As the title should clue you in, the book is a tour through every iteration of Batman, whether live-action or animated, whether in serials, specials, series or the big ol’ blockbusters.

In between, Reinhart supplements these chapters by relating what changes the character underwent with the times, on the pages of DC Comics, which helps put the various adaptations into a cultural perspective. This makes up for the extensive, start-to-finish plot synopses the author works into his essays/reviews; such beat-for-beat summaries are neither needed nor helpful when just spilling a few details of the setup is enough to either remind readers of what they’ve already seen or give enough context to those who haven’t yet.

McFarland & Company’s trade paperback contains a healthy inclusion of images, although it could stand to include more to break up long paragraphs of black. Hardcore Bat-fans should enjoy it regardless. —Rod Lott

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Memorial Valley Massacre (1989)

memorialvalleyThings aren’t going so well on opening day of the Memorial Valley Campgrounds. A construction worker dies; the roads aren’t finished; and the discovery of a dead dog in the well has tainted the water supply. (“I ain’t never seen anything like this,” says a worker as he pulls out the canine carcass, apparently having never driven down city streets in his life.) Still, the camp owner (Blood and Black Lace‘s Cameron Mitchell, in a “check, please” cameo) insists the camp open.

His Dartmouth-student son is there to help (but how smart can he be, wearing sweaters on Memorial Day weekend?), much to the chagrin of the barrel-chested, hooch-hitting park ranger. They’re given hell at every turn by the ragtag bunch of campers, including motorcycle gangs, horny teens and a fat kid. But it turns out there are even bigger troubles afoot: a killer teenage caveman’s on the loose!

memorialvalley1Yes, with Memorial Valley Massacre, you’ve stumbled on an incompetent mix of Friday the 13th, Eegah and Meatballs. The script is poor, the direction a notch below that and the acting even farther south. But how can you beat slutty chicks who like to dance in the rain or aged bosomy women with names like Pepper Mintz? Well, you can always throw in a teenage caveman! And how can you beat that, huh? —Rod Lott

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Big Ass Spider! (2013)

Big Ass Spider (2013) movie posterBig Ass Spider! needs a lesson in basic punctuation. Its title includes an exclamation point that is not needed, yet excludes the hyphen that is. After all, this is a movie about a big-ass spider, not an ass spider that also is big. (I do not know what an ass spider is. Oh, if only a porn parody existed to explain it!)

As an L.A. exterminator named Alex, Greg Grunberg (TV’s Heroes) gets the Bill Murray/Vince Vaughn role of the affable, dumpy slob who nonetheless saves the day and gets the girl (in this case, Bring It On’s Clare Kramer). With the aid of a hospital security guard named José (Candyman: Day of the Dead’s Lombardo Boyar, who makes not-that-funny lines funny in his scene-stealing delivery), Alex chases a deadly spider that gets exponentially larger over the course of one crazy day.

bigassspider1Even before this arachnid has grown large enough to scale the Deloitte office tower King Kong-style, the military is summoned. Immediately, it’s clear the troops have little to no experience dealing with giant spiders that spray some liquid with the power to melt your face like the Ark of the Covenant and take out a public park full of volleyball-playing bikini hussies in nothing flat. (That last part is the best.)

Working from a script by Centipede! scribe Gregory Gieras (I smell a trend), Mike Mendez (The Gravedancers) directs with such a featherweight touch, one practically can sense him smiling from behind the camera. The eight-legged freak’s utter CGI phoniness keeps Big Ass Spider! from venturing beyond a comic vibe into anything approaching fright; I doubt the giving of the willies ever was a goal. At times, the movie feels like you’re watching a video game — the Call of Duty-esque first-person shooter POV sees to that — and that sensibility ultimately seeps into an overall verdict of harmless.

After 75 fleet-footed minutes, the end credits begin. A few seconds later, a stinger suggests a sequel, presumably to be titled Big Ass Cockroach! Fine, boys, but let’s not neglect the hyphen again. —Rod Lott

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