Silver Screen Fiend: Learning About Life from an Addiction to Film

SSfiendPBTruth is, every hopeless film addict has a story like comedian/actor Patton Oswalt shares in Silver Screen Fiend. The difference is we’re not famous, so who wants to hear it?

Okay, okay, so Oswalt’s knack for making an anecdote as compelling as it comedic may have something to do with it, too.

Because of this, anyone who has experienced the near-orgasmic, adrenaline rush (don’t deny it) of a movie projector flickering to life as the lights fade away — along with your disbelief — will find themselves in lockstep with a kindred spirit …

… who’s way funnier than you or I.

Although Oswalt indeed presents himself more than worthy of the title, the slim volume is really only half about the movies. This is a memoir of a four-year span in his life in the late 1990s, when he worked as hard honing his stand-up skills on the stage as he did at catching whatever double features L.A.’s storied New Beverly Cinema revival house had programmed.

What Oswalt admittedly didn’t work so hard at? Churning out sketches for his actual day job as part of the MADtv writing team. Why do that when he harbored big, shiny dreams of becoming a director? Mainlining movies — new and old, classic or crap — was, he reasoned, the most direct path to calling “Action!”

Chapters of Silver Screen Fiend open with visual evidence of this, reprinting calendar grids of Oswalt’s filmgoing exploits, from Billy Wilder and William Castle to Hammer horror marathons and whatever big-budget blockbuster happened to open at the multiplex that week. The anal-retentive cineasts among us can and will relate; same goes with his devotion to the sacred texts of Danny Peary and Michael Weldon, whose pages Oswalt not only pored over, but decorated with checkmarks as he saw the movies they celebrated.

This book is not like those books, meaning you will not find reviews per se, although the pages are rife with the author’s blessedly unfiltered opinions. Yet it rightfully earns shelf space next to those works of reference, as Oswalt’s sprocket-holed memoir is often hilarious, occasionally heartbreaking and always, always of immense interest.

If you didn’t purchase Silver Screen Fiend in hardcover when it came out back in January, good thing you waited, because the book has gained extra content on its way to this paperback debut: nearly 50 pages of Oswalt’s early film writing, including five reviews he pseudonymously penned for Ain’t It Cool News — a website whose creator and audience seems incongruous to Oswalt’s voice and taste for the likes of Philip Kaufman’s Quills and Paul Schrader’s Blue Collar.

Also in this welcome bonus section are an introductory post to the (sadly) now-defunct The Dissolve, an attempt at aping David Thomson’s Suspects exercise of hashing out bios for fictional film characters and, hilariously, an anti-AFI list of his own 100 favorite movie moments (i.e. “Blade’s entrance at the blood rave”). —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Theatre of the Deranged II (2013)

theatrederangedIIJust as few things in life bring me more pleasure than a good horror anthology, there are few things in life I loathe more than a bad one. And Theatre of the Deranged II is wretched.

Hosted by Internet-famous psychic ghost hunter Damien Shadows (actually wig-wearing ringleader Eric Hollerbach), this sequel to the 2012 obscurity presents five stories of “blood curling” terror, all supposedly full of “audiovisual conjuring spells.” After each, Mr. Shadows explains — in leaden, dreadfully unfunny skits — how to combat the evil to which viewers have just been exposed. If that truly were the case, this Deranged project would cease to exist.

The movie doesn’t work because … well, for myriad reasons, but notably because the tales come from such disparate directors whose DIY visions form no satisfactory cohesion, collectively or (with one exception) individually. As a whole, their approaches lean toward the comedic roughly as much as the horrific; the effect is reminiscent of channel surfing, and almost every choice seethes with regret.

theatrederangedII1For example, Shane Ryan, the man behind the infamous Amateur Porn Star Killer trilogy, contributes the opener, “Tag,” a pretentious and bloody anti-narrative that would be baffling even if its two women weren’t speaking in Japanese. Next is Shawn Burkett’s sorority-house slasher send-up, “Panty Raid,” a juvenile exercise in stupidity in which the killer rids the campus of one unaware coed by kicking her sex toy into her as she’s pleasuring herself with it. “Tag” flows into “Panty Raid” as well as an 80-year-woman driving a Lincoln Town Car does with freeway traffic at rush hour, yet the shorts would be unbearable standing alone, too.

The anomaly of Theatre of the Deranged II — yes, one exists! — is My Pure Joy director James Cullen Bressack’s “Unmimely Desire.” Although it’s too long, the segment possesses what the other pieces do not: achievement. In this case, we’re talking genuine laughs. After all, when’s the last time you saw a mime murder people with his invisible weaponry? It’s inventive and clever, yet made on the same nonexistent budget as those surrounding it. Whether he realized it or not, Bressack proves that good ideas don’t necessarily need big bucks to be pulled off. But without that funding, bad ideas look even more hopeless. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

San Andreas (2015)

sanandreasWhen Dwayne Johnson (né The Rock) is introduced to San Andreas’ watchers, he’s done so with a literal beam of sunlight encircling his bald noggin like a halo, as if to say, “Here is our hero, our savior. He will save us all.” Was there ever any doubt?

Fresh off Furious 7, Johnson plays Ray, a Los Angeles Fire Department rescuer loaded with all-American character traits: military service and more than 600 saves under his utility belt. Where are this do-gooder’s wings? They’re the blades of the helicopter he pilots above the City of Angels, plucking texting teen girls from their precarious cliffside perches.

So heroic is Ray, it’s somewhat of a surprise that when a good chunk of California succumbs to a totally bitchin’ earthquake, the script by Carlton Cuse (TV’s Bates Motel) is unconcerned with seeing how many more dozens he can add to his 600 record; instead, his focus narrows to only two people among the affected millions: his estranged wife, Emma (Carla Gugino, Sucker Punch), and their well-developed daughter (Alexandria Daddario, Texas Chainsaw). If you weren’t married to Ray or a product of that union … sorry to say, but fuck all y’all.

sanandreas1And you know what? That’s really all San Andreas needs. Effects-driven spectacles such as this often are criticized for being soulless; in (perhaps overcorrecting and) confining the emotional scope to the family unit, however fractured, Brad Peyton (who directed Johnson in 2012’s better-than-you’d-think “kidventure” Journey 2: The Mysterious Island) at least attempts to show that feelings can bloom while stuff goes boom. Now, it still comes off as manufactured schmaltz, but again, a solid try is a solid try; the film’s $155 million take is Peyton’s participation trophy.

But let’s get real: Who sees an action movie — particularly one constructed around what insurance companies love to term “an act of God” — with family values in mind? Disaster flicks are brain-off excuses to see buildings crumble and cities fall. The effects of L.A. and San Francisco tumbling to dust are so incredible, you may wish Peyton offered frame-by-frame footage to allow your eyes to soak in the detail. (He certainly does when Gugino and Daddario run, for those men on the fence about purchasing the Blu-ray.) This damage — coupled with an earlier sequence of the Hoover Dam getting decimated — outdoes Roland Emmerich’s globally apocalyptic 2012 on the only point that matters: destructoporn.

The dam’s demise gives college professor Paul Giamatti (Straight Outta Compton) something to do besides showing off his mad Richter-lecturin’ skillz. San Andreas reveres his science as much it despises the greed of Ioan Gruffudd (2005’s Fantastic Four) as Emma’s über-wealthy beau; notice how much the movie delights in causing the cad misery.

As for Johnson, he emerges from the rubble like the Son of God, life-reviving powers and all. This is his show, after all, and he more than makes good on his he-man promise, carrying San Andreas on his big, buff, broad shoulders and past a point where you might hate yourself for hanging on so long. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

All Night Halloween Party (2012)

allnighthalloweenWTFWhat better time than the devil’s birthday to show your kids how racist cartoons used to be? The All Night Halloween Party compilation is ideal viewing for such harsh lessons. Oh, and to celebrate Oct. 31, of course … no matter what day of the year.

The Party collects one hour’s worth of rickety, ancient animated shorts — eight total — with vintage horror trailers sprinkled in between. The latter encompasses creaky Bela Lugosi vehicles such as Spooks Run Wild and third-rate monster movies from Reptilicus to Konga — completely harmless fare. The ‘toons, however … ah, there is the rub.

cobwebhotelWe start out innocently enough, with Ub Iwerks’ 1935 “Balloon Land,” about a community of anthropomorphic gallons, whose happy-go-lucky existence is threatened only by the needle-tossing Pincushion Man. This villain is creepy, as is the sinister, shifty-eyed spider running Dave Fleischer’s 1936 classic “Cobweb Hotel” for unsuspecting flies.

Only about halfway through this supposed All Night shindig do things veer toward uncomfortable stereotypes, starting with big-lipped black skeletons singing a spiritual in 1931’s “Wot a Night.” Perhaps the most awkward bit arrives in 1942’s “Jasper and the Haunted House,” a short directed by none other than George Pal (7 Faces of Dr. Lao). In this otherwise stellar example of stop-motion animation, an African-American child literally gets his skin color scared out of him during attempts to deliver a gooseberry pie.

These cartoons were the product of their times; it doesn’t mean they can’t be enjoyed today — especially when we are talking about the concluding segment, Fleischer’s “Bimbo’s Initation,” a ’31 number climaxing with its dog hero slappin’ ass with Betty Boop. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Reading Material: Short Ends 10/11/15

xfilesfaqWith one of the ’90s’ most iconic television series just a few months away from returning to the tube, now’s the time for The X-Files FAQ. (The jury, however, is still out for that subtitle: All That’s Left to Know About Global Conspiracy, Aliens, Lazarus Species, and Monsters of the Week — I mean, what the hell is a “Lazarus Species”?) John Kenneth Muir, who also penned 2013’s Horror Films FAQ for Applause’s ongoing pop-culture line of guides, has the unenviable job of distilling a decade-plus of content into a single trade paperback, yet rises to the challenge by refusing to do what the average reader might expect: give an episode guide. Although Muir does tackle many episodes, he tends to do so in thematic groupings while exploring what made The X-Files click (and sometimes not). Later chapters tackle the guest stars, the two movies, the official spin-offs, the countless knock-offs and, yep, even the porn parodies. The truth is in here.

greatshowdowns3A sequel to 2013’s Great Showdowns: The Return (itself a follow-up to the previous year’s The Great Showdowns), Scott C.’s Great Showdowns: The Revenge features dozens upon dozens more of drawings of depicting some of pop culture’s greatest adversaries. That’s it: They just stand there facing one another, whether “they” are the characters of Fatal Attraction, Child’s Play, Road to Perdition — heck, even the Steve Coogan/Rob Brydon foodie comedy The Trip! And that’s fine, because Campbell — that’s what the C stands for — is a wonderful illustrator; his drawings radiate with immeasurable charm, even when they’re of some of the most evil A-holes the screen has seen. But not everything is decipherable, and there are no words, no captions, no legend at the end to let you know who was who. Not knowing can be frustrating, even if the unknowns number few. To be technical, not everything is a showdown, either. I’d hardly call Jiro dreaming of sushi anything approaching conflict.

skingcompanionGiven that its subject is alive, kicking and ridiculously prolific, the St. Martin’s Press trade-paperback release of The Stephen King Companion: Four Decades of Fear from the Master of Horror marks the third edition of George Beahm’s work, and he’s clearly in danger of busting through the page count of what publishing technology currently allows; as is, it stands at a mighty 624. Although it bears some resemblance to Hans-Åke Lilja’s 2010 brick from Cemetery Dance, Beahm’s is far better written and better packaged, thereby transcending what could have been merely a reference title to pluck off the shelf only if Google failed you. Instead, Beahm’s book can be consumed as an actual narrative or in pieces; it works both ways. Supplemented with a wealth of essays, interviews, sidebars, photos, Glenn Chadbourne’s illustrations and a gorgeous, full-color section of Michael Whelan’s paintings, this Companion resides in a netherworld of not quite a proper biography and not exactly a trivia collection, yet it should satisfy King’s fans looking for either or both. No stone in King’s career path — books, movies, van accidents — appears to have been left unturned.

hollywooddeathFrom title alone, your first instinct is to make fun of something like Hollywood Death and Scandal Sites: Seventeen Driving Tours with Directions and the Full Story — Second Edition. Then you realize that, dammit, author E.J. Fleming has done so much research and homework that snark turns to respect. Although the 17 of the title doesn’t sound like a lot of stops, note that those are “tours” — a term Fleming doesn’t take lightly. Arranged between district groupings like Sunset Strip, Brentwood and The Palisades are some 650 sites! The generally curious and the downright morbid can maneuver their way through Fleming’s succinct and exacting instructions, fully fleshed out with the historic, tragic details about the site in question, be it a home in which a celebrity expired or a spot marking one’s murder. From superstars and up-and-comers to everyone I could think of (Rebecca Schaeffer? Dominique Dunne?), they’re all here. It’s not quite as macabre as you’d think it to be; sorry if that disappoints you. —Rod Lott

Get them at Amazon.

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