Reading Material: Short Ends 9/21/16

comingbackOne-night-only engagements and George Lucas tinkering notwithstanding, nowadays it pretty much takes the death of a beloved celebrity to get old movies back on the big screens of the multiplex; witness the recent passing of Prince and Gene Wilder, and the immediate return of Purple Rain and Young Frankenstein to first-run theaters. Once upon a time, however — the days before cable TV and VHS, to be exact — reissues were likely the only way audiences would get another chance to see a particular motion picture. Brian Hannan examines this bygone phenomenon in Coming Back to a Theater Near You: A History of Hollywood Reissues, 1914-2014, published in trade paperback by McFarland & Company. In admittedly “forensic detail,” Hannan chronologically examines this business model of sloppy seconds — initially a financial necessity for studios yet despised by exhibitors (until television and James Bond double-bills changed their tune). While the author grants big-picture visibility throughout this unusual slice of Hollywood history, his case studies — using films as disparate as Gone with the Wind and Reefer Madness — offer the greatest entertainment value. So thorough is Hannan, the footnotes to chapter one alone number 470! Don’t think that dedication to research translates into a wan read; Coming Back is a lively look back, packed with scads of incredible ads and posters that illustrate a peculiar sort of Tinseltown ballyhoo.

viewcheapseatsMan, what can’t Neil Gaiman write? (“Poorly” may be the answer, although the question was rhetorical.) Although famous for his fiction across novels both prose (American Gods) and graphic (The Sandman), the fantastic fantasist got his start in nonfiction. Published by William Morrow, The View from the Cheap Seats: Selected Nonfiction is not a collection of that early journalism, but nearly 100 essays he has penned — plus reviews he has written, speeches he has given, introductions he has contributed — since “making it.” The title refers to his surreal experience at the Oscars in 2010; attending for Coraline, an excellent animated adaptation of his 2002 YA work, the out-of-element author recounts crossing paths with Steve Carell, Michael Sheen and the Westboro Baptist Church. The movies constitute an admirable chunk of Cheap Seats’ contents, with an appreciation of The Bride of Frankenstein; three pieces on pal Dave McKean’s MirrorMask, for which he wrote the screenplay (with Gaiman’s Sundance diary being the best of the trio and somewhat of a companion to the title article); and, for the small screen, childhood nostalgia for Doctor Who. You’ll also find pages on music, comics and a lot of lit — all splendidly crafted, no matter the topic.

tvthebookAnd now for something that could start as many arguments as the current presidential election: TV (The Book): Two Experts Pick the Greatest American Shows of All Time. Undertaking this rather intimidating endeavor with due diligence, noted boob-tube critics Matt Zoller Seitz and Alan Sepinwall have ranked and reviewed the finest 100 U.S. series in the history’s medium. After a maddeningly redundant introductory chapter that preserves their Google Chat debate on whether The Simpsons or The Sopranos is most deserving to claim that No. 1 slot (spoiler: Homer > Tony), the paperback functions as the kind of dynamic reference work that movies get all the time, while television rarely does. In our era of binge-watching and “peak TV,” their book is perfectly timed (if already dated) and rife with thoughtful, helpful, why-it-matters essays on such picks as Cheers, Twin Peaks, Batman, St. Elsewhere and Police Squad! Their taste is near-impeccable — How I Met Your Mother?!? — and extends beyond the top 100 to shout-out current newbies likely to land on the list in future editions, shows of “a certain regard” that didn’t quite make the cut (from the short-lived Kolchak: The Night Stalker to season one of True Detective) and top-10 lists of made-for-TV movies, miniseries and live plays. Peppered throughout are looser lists to celebrate the finest in theme songs, pilots, finales, bosses, homes, ridiculous names and memorable deaths (Chuckles, we hardly knew ye). Despite the dead-serious approach (not to mention insane algorithms) Seitz and Sepinwall take to their self-imposed assignment, fun is first and foremost the name of their game. It earns the equivalent of the TiVo Season Pass.

thekrampusIt only took several hundred years, but that anti-Santa demon known as the Krampus finally has become an American celebrity, thanks to movies like A Christmas Horror Story, Night of the Krampus, Krampus: The Reckoning, Krampus: The Christmas Devil and just plain ol’ Krampus. Exactly from where did this unconventional leading man come? That’s the global-spanning goal — cleared! — of performance artist Al Ridenour in The Krampus and the Old, Dark Christmas: Roots and Rebirth of the Folkloric Devil. Using the baby-consuming creature’s recent cinematic surge as a launching pad, Ridenour explores the horrific goat-man’s European origins, town-to-town traditions (Buttnmandl, anyone?), stage appearances and more, all pithy and neatly arranged under subheads for easy-to-digest reading. Personally, I would have preferred more focus on the aspect of pure pop culture. One of the most appealing chapters introduces readers to the Krampus’ monstrous relatives, such as Pinecone Man. As is the modus operandi of outré publisher Feral House (whose recent volumes on Grand Guignol theater, sleazy sex novels of the 1960s and men’s adventure pulp magazines are all incredible), this trade paperback is a veritable visual feast of maps, photos and possbily insane vintage illustrations. So visual is The Krampus that it’s quite possible that functionally illiterate could spend time leafing through its pages and emerge satisfied, but why? They’d miss out on half the fun. —Rod Lott

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Deadly Prey (1987)

deadlypreyAs Col. John Hogan barks to his recruits, “I ain’t the Army, ain’t the Navy, ain’t the Marine Corps! … I’m meaner than all of ’em!” While that is debatable, it is clear he is training the men to be the highest-paid mercenaries in the people-killing field. Hogan’s methods — effective, yet unorthodox — go something like this:
1. Abduct guys off the streets.
2. Drive them to the base, some 75 miles outside Los Angeles.
3. Steal their shoes.
4. Make them literally run for their lives into the woods.
5. Give chase and shoot freely until the poor saps are dead.

Footing the bill for this Most Dangerous Game is a steely-eyed suit (Troy Donahue, The Phantom Gunslinger) who shows up to deliver Hogan a one-month-or-else ultimatum: “Get this bunch of misfit mercenaries ready for action.” Perhaps so desperate as to be sloppy, the Hogan Squad kidnaps the wrong guy to become the latest Deadly Prey: Vietnam vet Mike Danton (Ted Prior, Sledgehammer), he of the big pecs and bigger blonde poodle mullet.

deadlyprey1Shirtless and in cutoffs, Danton looks like Magic Mike meets M*A*S*H. Almost just as quickly as he’s given a running head start, our himbo hero turns the tables on Hogan’s zeroes. Camouflaging himself with a twig and a handful of brush, Danton aims to beat his captors on their home turf by Rambo-ing some shit up. An awful lot of bodies hit the floor before one of the gunmen notices: “Christ, we’re not huntin’ him! He’s huntin’ us!” Later surveying the swift reduction of his workforce with his own eyes triggers a tinge of recognition in Col. Hogan (David Campbell, Twisted Justice) …

Hogan: “This style! I know this style! It’s my style! … Danton? Mike Danton?”
Random Armed Lackey in Sunglasses: “Yeah, that was the name on the mailbox. You know him?”
Hogan: “Know him? I trained him.

If I had written and directed this, I would have instructed Campbell to face the camera on those last three words as I zoomed in, all tight and dramatic and prepping my DGA acceptance speech.

But I didn’t; David A. Prior (Killer Workout) did. He may have missed that golden opportunity, but give the man this: Deadly Prey is nothing if not action-packed and then vacuum-sealed, so as not to let a single drop of testosterone leak out. It’s never boring.

Supposed grenades explode with all the impact of whatever a magician throws to the ground to create an instant smoke screen, but give the man this: He shoehorned in a meaningless role for B-movie legend Cameron Mitchell (Kill Squad), so your grandpa would have reason to rent the tape.

And Prior ends his movie abruptly, with highly questionable closure that left the plot open for his overdue sequel in 2013’s Deadliest Prey, but give the man this: He defied the odds and did what they said couldn’t be done. In essence, he filmed the unfilmable: the Cabela’s catalog. —Rod Lott

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976-EVIL II (1991)

976eviliiWhen a comely coed is killed on campus and beloved community college dean Mr. Grubeck (René Assa, Deep Cover) is arrested for her murder, the fetching student and aerobics enthusiast Robin (Debbie James, 1997’s The Underground) can’t believe it. She refuses to!

Her locks may be golden, but her gut is not; Grubeck did do it, having been possessed by satanic forces after having dialed the titular party line for his “Horrorscope.” Robin tries to figure out just what’s up, enlisting the help of bad-boy biker Spike (Pat O’Bryan, No Holds Barred), the lone human holdover from the 1988 original, who consults an occult bookstore owner (Cobra woman Brigitte Nielsen, in a slinky cameo).

Meanwhile, more people die! Or come perilously close. Thanks to Grubeck’s spectral touch of death, the lone, alcoholic witness (George “Buck” Flower, Delinquent Schoolgirls) to the aforementioned homicide gets splattered by a semi, making him explode like a water balloon hitting hot pavement. Spike himself narrowly escapes an attack by an entire kitchen, including a refrigerator unit that spits out frozen pizzas like so many saw blades, while a lawyer (Monique Gabrielle, Amazon Women on the Moon) gets trapped in a runaway car in a strong action set piece that would not be out of place in a Final Destination sequel.

976evilii1Whereas the first film was directed by Robert Englund (aka Elm Street’s resident boogeyman, Freddy Krueger), 976-EVIL II was entrusted to Jim Wynorski (The Lost Empire). His handling of the death scenes — particularly that vehicular one — proves the man has severely underutilized talents that go far beyond the one he’s primarily called upon to use these days: ordering actresses to “pop your top.” Demonstrating true inventiveness is a black-and-white sequence in which Robin’s gal pal is trapped within two movies they were flipping between on TV: Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life … and then George A. Romero’s Night of the Living Dead: “Look, Daddy! Every time you hear a bell, a zombie takes a soul to hell!” Touches like that let Wynorski’s 976-EVIL II do the walking all over Englund’s vision of telephone-based terror. —Rod Lott

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Italian Horror Cinema

italianhorrorcinemaWhile regular visitors to this site would join me in disagreement, the very things that make horror films from Italy so distinctive — namely, unflinching violence, oft-excessive gore and heavily linked sexuality — are why scholars and critics long have turned their collective noses up at it. And yet, even a casual viewing of Mario Bava or Dario Argento works reveals real visual artistry at work, even amid controversy.

Standing on our side are Stefano Baschiera and Russ Hunter, co-editors of Italian Horror Cinema, and their 11 fellow contributors, giving the form that study of which others find it unworthy. The best kind of academic-minded texts (read: accessible), the trade paperback is ready-made reading for the genre’s most fervent enthusiasts, whose hunger doesn’t end with the final shot.

New from Edinburgh University Press, Italian Horror Cinema pushes Lucio Fulci on the shark-vs.-zombie cover and, within a baker’s dozen of essays that awaits inside, seemingly every remaining Italian filmmaker of note, right up to such current directors as Hélène Cattet and Bruno Forzani, the team behind The Strange Color of Your Body’s Tears.

Russ Hunter lays the trade paperback’s foundation with an informative survey of the country’s early fright fare, including a silent Frankenstein picture and — exclamation theirs — 1916’s I Prefer Hell! This provides proper context for the articles that immediately follow, chronicling Italian horror’s international dawn in the 1960s to its largely retro-reflexive existence today, with an in-between stop to the living rooms of a VHS-obsessed ’80s. While chapters on Bava and Argento are expected, their theses are not; in the latter case, that means Karl Schoonover’s study on how the maestro treats the ecological and the unwanted.

The further the reader goes, the more specific the contents become. Adam Lowenstein demonstrates the influence of the giallo on the all-American slasher film, with a primary focus on the now-iconic Friday the 13th; turns out, the relationship is akin to the peanut butter and chocolate of a Reese’s cup. Meanwhile, a less healthy marriage — that of (often unsimulated) animal cruelty in the cannibal epics — is probed by Mark Bernard (whose terrific Selling the Splat Pack was published by Edinburgh last year). Those moviegoers who extend their love of cinema into their choices of reading material and listening pleasure will appreciate the chapters on Italian film journals and the unsettling yet irresistible soundtracks of Goblin. —Rod Lott

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Satan’s Triangle (1975)

satanstriangleMayday! Mayday! A Coast Guard chopper sent on a rescue mission for a small ship in the Bermuda Triangle find quite a ghastly sight: A dead guy hanging from the mast by his feet, another dead guy chucked through a window and, inside, yet another dead guy — suspended in midair! Only a former prostitute in a purple sweater lives to tell the tale.

That reformed call girl, Eva (Kim Novak, the Hitchcock blonde of Vertigo), relays her harrowing story of survival to her rescuer, Lt. Haig (Doug McClure, Tapeheads), making Satan’s Triangle first and foremost a flashback. One would think that a day of innocent marlin fishing wouldn’t go to hell once you come upon a priest (Alejandro Rey, The Ninth Configuration) floating in the ocean. Alas, ’tis not the case …

satanstriangle1Just about any review the curious can find of this made-for-TV movie makes particular mention of its twist ending — namely, that it terrifies and induces shivers, if not pants-wetting. The big problem is that director Sutton Roley (Chosen Survivors) forces the viewer to sit through an awfully tedious hour to get there, where a bigger problem awaits: that the ending is vastly overrated and ridiculously predictable. It would work in the 30-minute span of a Twilight Zone.

I suppose Satan’s Triangle could have possessed the power to chill in its prime-time day, when real-life fear of that stretch of North Atlantic Ocean had crested to a tabloid peak. But I don’t wanna dwell on it; you’re better off watching Mexico’s Bermuda Triangle anyway. —Rod Lott

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