Whiskey Mountain (1977)

whiskeymountainAfter hitting his marketable peak with the 1976 Jaws imitation Mako: The Jaws of Death, Florida-based filmmaker William Grefé (Death Curse of Tartu) latched onto Deliverance’s hillbilly-hell vibe for Whiskey Mountain, his final feature. Although its depictions of the class battle between the rural and the (sub)urban may not make you squeal like a pig, the cut-rate thriller works all the same.

Diana (Roberta Collins, Caged Heat) and Bill (Christopher George, Pieces) are on the hunt for some 200 Confederate muskets her granddaddy supposedly buried up yonder in the North Carolina wilderness, durn near ’round Whiskey Mountain; before he died, he left a map to lead her to that fortune.

whiskeymountain1Bringing along camping equipment, motorcycles and their couple friends (Preston Pierce and Linda Borgeson of, respectively, Angels’ Wild Women and no other movie ever), Diana and Bill attract the ire of the local yokels just by being in their town. Challenged mentally and dentally, the rednecks harass the quartet to no end, setting fire to their camp as they sleep, attempting drowning in a raging river and, heck, even stealing a pair of women’s panties!

Swapping dueling banjos for an original Charlie Daniels tune, Whiskey Mountain stands mighty tall by the standards of the hicksploitation subgenre and regional indies overall. In a rather good way, Grefé catches us off-guard when the danger dial gets rudely cranked in the second half; see, he doesn’t have to do much to make his antagonists seem threatening, because general skeeviness tends to achieve that just fine by itself. And yet, he throws us for an arty loop with a double-rape scene that’s doubly disturbing because technically, we only hear it. All we are shown is a stationary series of Polaroids developing before our eyes; our mind fills in the rest. The effect is unsettling and raises the movie above the usual drive-in fodder, as does its purposely bitter final shot. —Rod Lott

Get it at Ballyhoo Motion Pictures.

Survive! (1976)

surviveIn 1972, a charter jet carrying a rugby team from Uruguay to Chile crashed in the snowy Andes mountain range. In 1972, a Uruguayan ruby team chartered a plane to take its players to Chile, only to crash-land in the Andes Mountains.

I share this information with you twice because right off the bat, Survive! — exclamation point theirs — does the same; as the camera pans over the faces of 40-some-odd passengers (to whom you should not get attached), the narrator relays information already delivered by an introductory title card mere moments before. This is just one way the film from Mexico’s Rene Cardona Sr. (Night of the Bloody Apes) presents itself as a sloppy, slapdash production — at least in the U.S. version, oddly shepherded by the flamboyant Allan Carr of Grease fame and Can’t Stop the Music infamy.

survive1Cognizant of the disaster-film craze of the era (which Cardona’s son took full advantage of in his own work), Survive! wastes little time getting to the goods: the wreck of the plane, thanks to a navigation miscalculation. On a Cardona budget, the tragedy is illustrated with what looks like a toy model drifting into a mound of laundry detergent in powder form. Unspectacular the accident may be cinematically, the aftermath carries no such limitations, as witnessed by a survivor’s attempt to the stuff a goopy loop of intestines back in a fellow passenger’s gut.

As rapidly as Cardona gets to that aviation blooper, he holds back on the scenes on which the film was sold to theatergoers: those involving cannibalism. Amid freezing temps, their hope for rescue runs out as speedily as their rations pilfered from all the up-for-grabs luggage scattered about: wine, chocolate bars, fish tins, cheese and marmalade. The survivors eventually face the coldest and hardest of cold, hard facts: Eat human flesh or die. As history tells us, we know which option they select: They pick their unappetizers straight from the Donner Party menu.

Considering the name-brand source, I wish Survive! were more exploitative than it is. The picture possesses Señor Cardona’s regular hallmarks, from an unflinching eye for gore to his usual leading man in Nightmare City’s Hugo Stiglitz, yet after the initial plane-meets-mountain depiction, those elements disassemble and never quite come together again. Their failure to do so rests upon a glacial pace, as if we, the viewers, were having to trudge alongside the characters to get to the next shocking moment. In 1993, Arachnophobia director Frank Marshall told the same true-life tale with a bigger budget, with the punctuation-free Alive. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Crocodile (1979)

crocodileNot to be confused with Tobe Hooper’s 2000 creature feature of the same name, the 1979 Crocodile is a Filipino export that never would have seen these shores, if not for the monster success of Jaws prompting every huckster with access to a camera to cash in quickly. It’s all your fault, Mr. Spielberg.

Swiped from the Godzilla template (right down to the atomic-testing angle), the wafer of a story has a giant crocodile wreaking havoc as it flattens a different beach community every three days on the dot. One of its first victims is the young daughter of a doctor (Nard Poowanai), prompting the kind of personal revenge in direct opposition of the Hippocratic Oath. When sharing the screen with live humans, most of what audiences see of our reptilian villain are close-ups of a blinking eye and, rarer, close-ups of chomping jaws … with the wire that makes it work in clear view.

crocodile1One character exclaims, “He destroyed an entire village as if were a toy!” (Because that’s more or less what the to-be-demolished sets are: models.) Continues the man, “Our crocodile is a mutant! By god, a mutant!”

And by god, is this film wretched! Testing the definition of “watchable,” director Sompote Sands (Magic Lizard) mattress-pads the running time with so many emergency sirens, so many typhoons, so many upturned docks, so much context-challenged stock footage and not enough of the extras who clearly have filled their cheeks with stage blood, ready to spit it out when told. Lord knows shameless producers Dick Randall (Pieces) and Herman Cohen (The Headless Ghost) had their hands in some real turds throughout their careers, but Crocodile — their only project together — is a mile-high Pinoy pile of it. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Guest List: Jeff Kirschner’s Top 5 Kills Too Conventional to Make It into Our Book

deathbyumbrellaIn our book Death by Umbrella! The 100 Weirdest Horror Movie Weapons, we sought to chronicle some of the weirdest, wackiest, most creative, strangest and sometimes just plain silliest implements used in horror movies to snuff out a life. Writing and researching the book allowed us to revisit some of our favorite movies as well as to discover hidden gems in what we consider to be one of the most malleable and creatively fertile of all the genres. It also allowed us to luridly wallow in all those viscerally exciting deaths!

Continue reading Guest List: Jeff Kirschner’s Top 5 Kills Too Conventional to Make It into Our Book

Blind Fist of Bruce (1979)

blindfistbruceFrom Brave Young Girls’ Bong Luk, Blind Fist of Bruce represents Bruceploitation at its most basic! And of course it stars Bruce Li, arguably the most prolific / infamous Bruce Lee imitators / wannabes barfed out by the Hong Kong film industry after the icon’s death.

Li stars as a banker who needs to defend himself against a gang of robbers. His friends claim to practice cat- and dog-style kung fu, but whadda they know? So the requisite old, blind guy (Simon Yuen, Drunken Master) teaches Li the ways of the blind fist, and you just know that trick works. Gets the job done.

Blind Fist of Bruce followed Fists of Bruce Lee, another Li vehicle. Boy, the Bruces sure had a surfeit of fists. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

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