Blood Games (1990)

Confession time: All my life, I never quite understood the appeal of baseball, “America’s pastime.” Then I saw Blood Games. Batter up!

The one and only film from one Tanya Rosenberg, Blood Games begins as Babe and the Batgirls, a traveling all-ladies team, are beating the pants off an unofficial assemblage of backwoods hicks and rednecks. Led by Babe (Laura Albert, The Jigsaw Murders), the Batgirls have been hired to play nine innings against birthday boy Roy (Gregory Scott Cummins, Action U.S.A.) and his greasy, uneducated buds. The girls win, which the guys do not cotton to, so they respond with grab-ass and other on-the-field antics of sexual harassment.

That night, after Roy’s wealthy dad (Ken Carpenter, Tammy and the T-Rex) shortchanges the Batgirls the $1,000 they’re owed, Babe’s father (Ross Hagen, Wonder Women) goes to collect … and a couple of people get killed in the process. Roy’s father places a $1,000 bounty on each Batgirl the boys bring back dead, not alive, so the Batgirls’ bus outta town is thwarted in the middle of the nowhere, leaving every woman for herself. Let the Blood Games begin!

Like Deliverance in hot pants, Blood Games more than satisfies the bloodlust of viewers in the mood for a back-to-basics revenge thriller. Being directed by a woman gives it a more progressive viewpoint while still wallowing in exploitation elements; the movie is a case of having its cheesecake and eating it, too. Beyond Babe and Donna (Lee Benton, Beverly Hills Brats), the Batgirls don’t get much in the way of individual personalities, but the fact that we get any is more or less a plus. With Rosenberg often playing violence in slow motion, her flick rouses as a gem of cathartic VHS trash. As George “Buck” Flower’s character says without an ounce of eloquence, “It was them baseball bitches did it.” Boy, did they ever! —Rod Lott

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Sergeant Dead Head (1965)

Sergeant Dead Head is what happens when American International Pictures forces the Beach Party formula to enlist in the military. With nary an Annette in sight, Frankie Avalon bumbles his way through the title role, pratfalling all over the U.S. Air Force’s Smedley Missile Base. It’s exactly the kind of locale you don’t want the accident-prone, where one might, say, plop his rear on the panic button sitting uncovered atop the general’s desk.

Despite never have expressing love for her, Dead Head is engaged to fellow enlistee Lucy (Deborah Walley, It’s a Bikini World). The nuptials are at risk when Dead Head catches a nap in a rocket, only to wake up as the spacecraft — commandeered by a chimpanzee in an astronaut suit and paid in bananas — lifts off (in black-and-white footage, mind you). It’s even stupider than it sounds …

… and gets stupider than that, because when he’s back on Earth, Dead Head and the chimp have somehow switched brains. Now he’s a stone-cold cad!

Avalon gives it his all, coming off like a cartoon character living in a cornball sitcom — purely on purpose, with frequent Jerry Lewis director Norman Taurog at the helm — even more so than the great Buster Keaton, who does his phys-com shtick! With lots of no-harm explosions and flowing water, Sergeant Dead Head hasn’t a mean bone in its body, but I’m afraid it doesn’t have much of a heart, either. Although every bit as colorful as its AIP brethren, the movie lacks that special something: unadulterated charm. And that’s with a cast that includes Eve Arden, Harvey Lembeck, Dwayne Hickman, John Ashley, Pat Buttram, Gale Gordon, Fred Clark and Cesar Romero, some of whom sing and dance.

Oh, did I mention this is also a musical? But its songs are lifeless and lackluster, plopped in like flung wall spackle to highlight how bereft of effort Louis M. Heyward’s script is. I can’t help but wonder if the movie was greenlighted just to get in the “JAMES BOND WILL RETURN”-style plug of the then-forthcoming Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine in the end credits, because Heyward and Academy Award-winning Taurog clearly saved the goods for that one. —Rod Lott

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The Hill and the Hole (2019)

Fritz Leiber Jr. was a moderately popular speculative writer whose novels and stories were adapted for Rod Serling’s Night Gallery TV series and films such as Burn, Witch, Burn and Weird Woman. His 1942 tale “The Hill and the Hole” is also the basis for this recent atmospheric indie flick of the same name, a bizarre yarn of the Southwest that hard to fully grasp, but harder to quit watching.

Archeologist Tom (Liam Kelly), working for the Bureau of Land Management out in the deserted desert of New Mexico, finds a topographical anomaly: an oversized hill completely missing from area maps. Seems that the locals will do anything to protect that mysterious mound, including walloping Tom upside the head and leaving him for dead.

He narrowly escapes, but is met with strange characters and stranger scenarios, most of which are impossible to tell if they’re due to the town or Tom’s possible brain damage. Basic discussions turn into psychic breakdowns; local characters turn into conspiracy theories; and that hill, as you could guess, ain’t what it seems to be.

To be honest, I still don’t know what it is.

Visually, The Hill and the Hole is a gorgeous slice of oddball Americana, capturing a fever dream where everything is ordinary, but the closer you look, out of the ordinary. Everything, that is, except for the mostly amateurish acting that, at times, can lead to more wincing than wonderment.

Still, this low-budget flick is an idiosyncratic and incongruous sojourn to the deepest recesses — literally — of a perplexing pile of dirt, a brain-boiler that will leave far more questions than answers, but I suspect that was probably the point. At least I hope it is. —Louis Fowler

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Yes, God, Yes (2019)

It’s not like Stranger Things’ Natalia Dyer is the only actress who could headline the Catholicism comedy Yes, God, Yes, but she’s perfect for the role. Dyer may be in the middle of her 20s, but her diminutive stature goes a long way in selling the illusion that her character, Alice, is stuck in the throes of her teen years — aches, angst and all — at the dawn of this new millennium, when “A/S/L” became the new “What’s your major?”

Appropriately mousy (church mousy, perhaps?), Alice is a good girl headed down what her parents, pastor and private school faculty no doubt would term a bad road — one paved straight to hell. When an afternoon AOL chat with a stranger suddenly turns saucy, the supremely naive virgin notices a feeling markedly distinct from her puppy love for Leo in Titanic: sexual arousal. With the scrunched face of the curious, she begins exploring those feelings at a church retreat, including masturbation with her cellphone — not by looking at pornographic material, but by enjoying the vibration that results from each wrong move in the built-in game of Snake.

Yes, God, Yes holds some precedent with 2004’s Saved!, starting with its female lead experiencing a crisis both cataclysmic and catechistic, but the satire here isn’t nearly as savage. Nor is it as sharp, best exemplified by a running joke that has Alice not understanding the crude meaning of “tossing salad.” As it’s played, the gag isn’t highly offensive, but also simply isn’t funny; writer/director Karen Maine so greatly misjudges its value — as both laugh line and story point — that her debut feature opens with a title card defining the sex act, like a big-screen adaptation of Urban Dictionary.

Maybe it was a move for pure padding; Yes, God, Yes is based on Maine’s 2017 short, and feels it. In all of 11 minutes, the same-named piece achieves near-greatness and a more consistent performance from Dyer, because the story doesn’t stray into tangents. In the expanded form of 78 minutes, tonal changes abound, with initial acidity all but neutralized by the addition of Alice delivering a patronizing speech more attuned to the pat rhythms of TV sitcoms. While I get Maine wanting to grant Alice an awakening of empowerment to go hand in hand with her sexual one, it rings false and unearned. Ten Hail Marys, please. —Rod Lott

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Revenge of the Living Dead Girls (1986)

When suspiciously tainted milk kills three wholly irritating women, they inexplicably come back from the dead a few hours later with mysterious decomposed faces and ravenously start eating the penises of oversexed men in rural France. If that doesn’t sound entertaining, then I’m sorry, I can’t help you.

Using the age-old social issue of waste pollution near graveyards as a somewhat acceptable reason for the zombie ladies, there is enough talk about toxic seepage and water tables and possibly fracking to fill a sizable revision of the Kyoto Protocol. But — and correct me if I’m wrong — I don’t remember that document having a spontaneous abortion in a bathtub, like Revenge of the Living Dead Girls does.

Called the “most extreme French gore film in history” by people with far more credentials than I, Revenge indubitably earns that title with as much cheap grue as possible, although I’m not sure who else is really reaching for those lofty goals these days. Like most Eurosleaze flicks, the screen is typically filled with more bare flesh than dead flesh, with mildly confused sex scenes happening every four or five minutes. Add a nonsensical ending that leaves so many more questions than answers and you’ve got a French horror flick that even Jean Rollin probably wouldn’t touch. —Louis Fowler

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