American Rickshaw (1989)

In the early 1930s, Hollywood tapped Olympic gold medalists Johnny Weissmuller and Buster Crabbe to play Tarzan. Half a century later, when high-concept action became big box office, studios wanting to shepherd the next Stallone or Schwarzenegger again looked to the middle of the medal podium; within 13 months of one another, moviegoers could see Kurt Thomas in Gymkata, Bart Conner in Rad and Mitch Gaylord in American Anthem.

Had those flicks clicked, who knows? We might have Michael Phelps defending God’s pool as Aquaman or Simone Biles crushing it as Katniss in The Hunger Games franchise. Although I have no evidence, I’d like to think Gaylord’s sophomore slump, American Rickshaw, served as the final nail in this miscasting coffin.

Gaylord’s Scott is a struggling full-time college student who works as a part-time rickshaw driver in Florida. One night, slinky redheaded stripper Joanna (one-and-doner Victoria Prouty) offers intercourse as a tip, which he accepts … until he realizes their shower romp is being videotaped by a thumbless perv (Gregg Todd Davis, Nightmare Beach) who happens to be the son of televangelist Rev. Mortom (Donald Pleasence, The Great Escape). The young Mortom is killed by a towering hulk (Daniel Greene, Hands of Steel) who frames Scott as the culprit, then sets out to kill him, too. Scott need only not get murdered, but clear his name and find that sex tape!

Conspiracy, secrets, homicide, a femme fatale, unlabeled VHS cassettes, AIDS needles — all pretty standard stuff for a thriller of that era, but Sergio Martino is no standard director. Known more for his stellar work in the giallo (The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh, et al.), he introduces one weird, wild supernatural element to keep things from being too generic: an immortal Asian witch (Michi Kobi, 12 to the Moon) who helps protect Scott by teleporting a cobra and turning Rev. Mortom into a satanic warthog on live TV — but not at the same time, mind you, because that would be stupid. At least the script offers an ironclad reason for the witch’s kindness: because Scott helped her onto his rickshaw on a rainy afternoon.

Seeing as how American Rickshaw (aka American Tiger) contains nary a pommel horse, the logic in hiring Gaylord is negligible. Then just shy of 30, he looks like a preening preteen, yet is a real wet blanket on screen. His line readings are so wooden, he could have found them near the contractor’s entrance at Home Depot. He can’t convincingly act an sexual encounter in the shower, which he’s certainly had in real life; by contrast, as the antagonist, Greene sells the hell out of a magic key burning straight through his hand like Alien acid, as if he’s lived it a hundred times before, just as Pleasence commits to uncontrollable oinking — ever the professional, no matter how embarrassing. And this one is that, to all involved, to our eternal enjoyment. —Rod Lott

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Ozone (1995)

As a teenager, while most of my peers thought that George Lucas or Steven Spielberg were the end-all, be-all of filmmaking, I instead spent most of my free time repeatedly renting and always watching the shot-on-video flicks of Todd Sheets, Tim Ritter and, my personal favorite, Ohio’s J.R. Bookwalter.

Perhaps best known for the zombie epic The Dead Next Door, it was the 1995 movie Ozone where I believe he came into his own, crafting a hallucinogenic tale of clean cops and dirty mutants in their own war for the titular designer drug Ozone and its nightmarish effects.

During an ambush with some drugged-out creeps, plainclothes policeman Eddie (former Cleveland Brown James Black) is injected with the mysterious narcotic. As he tries to track down the manufacturer, he begins to experience horrific drifts in and out of reality, including that of an underground fight club filled with Ozone-addicted monsters.

Designed by a grotesque blob in a basement with vague worldwide ambitions, the real reason why the drug has become so popular with maniacally obsessive users is more nefarious than expected, edging into dark religious territories I wasn’t anticipating.

While many of these backyard horror movies sitting on rental shelves were often more laughable than anything else, Bookwalter always seemed to strive for a look and feel that suited the very low budget instead of hindering it, oftentimes coming up with audacious films that played better than they really had any right to; Ozone exemplifies that.

In addition to Bookwalter’s direction, much of the film sets on Black’s broad football-player shoulders, forging an unheralded action hero plagued by demons, both literal and figurative. And while the film just exudes a ’90s sense of camcorder-based nostalgia, I realized it’s something that is sorely missed in these heady days of high-definition flicks shot and edited on a computer. —Louis Fowler

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The Prey (2018)

To my knowledge, The Prey is Cambodia’s first update of The Most Dangerous Game, arguably the most recycled of all cinematic premises. Either way, it assuredly is the only one in which the bad guy with a bullet-ridden torso pulls a final hit off his vape pen, only for smoke to waft from numerous bloody holes.

So that’s new.

While working undercover in Phnom Penh to bust a mafia scam, mild-mannered police inspector Xin (a debuting Gu Shangwei) is among the most unfortunate men swept from the streets and thrown into a most unforgiving prison. Its warden (Vithaya Pansringarm, Only God Forgives) is — as prison movies dictate — even more corrupt than he is corpulent, but the good news is he occasionally takes his captives for a field trip. The bad news is, it’s to the jungle, where they’re given a hair of a head start before being hunted like animals by rich guys looking for cheap thrills at an expensive price.

Putting Xin through his paces from behind the camera is director and co-writer Jimmy Henderson (Jailbreak), whose hands prove more skilled than those pulling the strings of most American action films these days. That said, The Prey is not different enough where it really matters — the story — to make it worth watching; after all, you’ve seen this before, just not with these performers.

Fleet of foot, Gu certainly has the moves to merit the lead role right out of the gate, but he lacks the personality and charm of martial-arts stars Jackie Chan, Jet Li and the lesser-wattage Tony Jaa, whom he most resembles. —Rod Lott

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Franky and His Pals (1991)

Shot on video, the monster-mash monstrosity known as Franky and His Pals feels like the management team of your local Spirit Halloween store got drunk after closing and improvised a movie. In reality, it’s made by Gerald Cormier, producer of such X-rated fare as Hey! There’s Naked Bodies on My TV!

Thanks to an avalanche, the bolt-templed Franky, the vampire Drak, the wolfman Wolfie, the mummy Mummy and the hunchback Humper live captive in a cave, until Franky (Eric Weathersbee) eats so many chili beans that he farts the boulders away to clear a passage. This allows the group to escape and go looking for the rumored gold in town. Emerging from the mummy’s tummy to crack wise is a talking rat. Also, Wolfie (Wilson Smith) is gay, assumedly so Cormier and his pals could make light of a feminine man named Clover (Shawn West), who wears a tutu and walks around asking in a whiny pout, “Have you seen my Wolfie?”

They attend a costume party — conveniently enough, so no one knows their true nature — at a nearby hotel, where they dance, grope women, hop in the sack, judge a bikini contest and participate in one-joke setups that even Rowan and Martin would reject. One running gag has the monsters individually terrified whenever the obese Tammy appears … yet they overwhelmingly vote her the victor in the aforementioned contest — so much for consistency! The night ends when Franky stumbles upon a pot of chili beans in the kitchen, can’t help himself and farts the place into an explosion, which unearths the gold.

Oh, you’ll also be treated to a rap song that recounts the events of the prior 10 minutes, a pair of Stepin Fetchit stereotypes as gravediggers, an aerobics sequence, gratuitous Pepsi-Cola placement, and a scientist with a time machine that doesn’t come into play until the very end, when the monsters are zapped away to … well, who knows? The scientist (Cormier himself) breaks the fourth wall to inform viewers the sequel will reveal the quintet’s destination. Luckily, that follow-up never came, because one Franky is twice the amount anyone needs. It’s so corny, you’ll spot chunks of it in tomorrow’s stool. —Rod Lott

Bacurau (2019)

The transcendentally violent spirit of Chilean visionary Alejandro Jodorowsky lives on in the bloody Brazilian film Bacurau, a modern-day Western of uncompromised violence and unfiltered vengeance that, if I had seen it last year, would have definitely made the top of my 2019 list.

A few years in the future, the small village of Bacurau is slowly dying, both literally and metaphorically. As an addictive pharmaceutical continues to numb much of the Brazilian populace, the denizens of this town live on, constantly in need of food, water and medicine. Eventually, the town disappears off the map and cellphone service is suddenly disrupted.

As locals are found brutally murdered — including a few children — a group of white Americans and Europeans, led by German-born Michael (Udo Kier), use the town as a form of murder tourism, hunting the people in the street like stray dogs. But the people of Bacurau aren’t ones to run from a fight, unleashing psychedelic hell on the intruders.

A hell of a slow burn, as compact UFOs hover in the sky and dark hallucinations are a fact of life, directors Kleber Mendonca Filho and Juliano Dornelles are rightfully distrustful of gringo influences on their way of life; the white hunters’ jingoistic bravado usually turning to xenophobic tears when confronted with their evil is by no means subtle or unearned.

There’s a beautifully caustic artistry to their storytelling, an acidic Western (Southern?) that’s more influenced by the people’s own native-born resiliency and willingness to preserve at any cost than any two-bit John Wayne flick ever could. —Louis Fowler

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