Viva Knievel! (1977)

In the de-evolution of humanity, Evel Knievel resides somewhere between P.T. Barnum and the dudes of Jackass. One of the more singular phenoms of 1970s pop-culture ephemera, Knievel carved out his own showbiz niche via death-defying motorcycle jumps over everything from the Caesars Palace fountains to the Snake River Canyon. He was equal parts professional wrestler, Vegas-era Elvis and Captain America all wrapped up in the fractured frame of a Montana-born huckster – the allure of which, such as it was, is nicely encapsulated in 1977’s Viva Knievel!, in which Evel plays a fictionalized version of himself.

It marks a somewhat sad swan song for Gordon Douglas, a better-than-average B-movie director best remembered for two other films with titles ending in exclamation points: the giant ant sci-fi Them! and They Call Me Mr. Tibbs!, the ill-begotten sequel to the Oscar-winning In the Heat of the Night. Douglas knows how to move a camera, so Viva Knievel! is imbued with a surprising level of competence, at least in terms of choreographing action.

The script, however, is a different story. It is replete with dialogue and situations as nuanced as an anvil dropped on one’s head, which might just be how screenwriters Antonio Santean and Norman Katkov prepped to get inside the mind of one Robert Craig Knievel. In terms of plot, suspense and characterization, it all plays out a little like a live-action version of a Scooby-Doo cartoon.

For his part, Evel is mostly convincing as himself, whom the movie depicts as a big-hearted lug with sideburns to match. What does it say when a guy who thought he could jump the Grand Canyon (a boast he thankfully never attempted) turns in a better performance than the ostensible actors? Lauren Hutton is especially ill-served as Evel’s love interest (!), while the rest of the cast – including Red Buttons, Leslie Nielsen, Frank Gifford and Marjoe Gortner – reads like a roster of Love Boat special guests,

Viva Knievel’s biggest head-scratcher is Gene Kelly as Evel’s aging mentor now fallen on hard times. Did Kelly have gambling debts during the ’70s? It is hard to understand why the then-65-year-old dance legend would subject himself to this humiliation but, then again, the guy did do Xanadu.

Yeah, I’m thinking gambling debts. —Phil Bacharach

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Blood, Guts and Sunshine: The History of Horror Made in Florida (2022)

In shooting second-unit underwater footage three time zones to the east of Universal Pictures’ home, Creature from the Black Lagoon kicked off a semi-rich tradition in the annals of horror history: filming in Florida. A Florida filmmaker himself (Naked Cannibal Campers, Die Die Delta Pi, et al.), Sean Donohue attempts to herald the unheralded in his ambitious documentary, Blood, Guts and Sunshine: The History of Horror Made in Florida, with (extremely) brief commentary from the likes of Joe Dante, John Waters and John Landis.

From Blood Feast to The Uh-Oh! Show, gore godfather Herschell Gordon Lewis often gets a lot of the credit for planting his camera in the Sunshine State, but Donohue aims to spread the love around — perhaps most notably to name-brand directors George A. Romero (Day of the Dead), Bob Clark (Deathdream) and William Grefé (Death Curse of Tartu). A step lower in quality, but not watchability, we find such cult items as Zaat and Satan’s Children.

The most interesting segment shares the coming of age of the VHS generation, primarily Twisted Visions collaborators Tim Ritter and Joel D. Wynkoop. Deservedly something of Florida flick royalty now, Ritter recalls selling Day of the Reaper from a car trunk and remembers his Killing Spree lead, Asbestos Felt, as “always intoxicated, barely coherent.” (And that uproarious movie is better off for it, I should note.)

Most of the doc is devoted to those who followed in Ritter’s footsteps to carry on the Florida horror scene as it stands today, many of them wearing their very best tees and button-down Spider-Man shirts for the interviews. In general, Gustavo Perez’s bargain werewolf epic Light of Blood aside, their efforts look less like fun watches and more like exercises in misery and misogyny.

And that’s where Blood, Guts and Sunshine lost me. The clips Donohue chooses to showcase his own oeuvre would give Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis an aneurysm — maybe two. They range from an OB-GYN’s POV of barbed wire-wrapped bat headed for a phony round of genital mutilation (Death-Scort Service) to actual sexual assault captured on camera (Cannibal Claus). Regarding the latter, the titular actor Bob Glazier happily boasts of his improvisational skills that day: Getting turned on during an attack sequence, he pulls out his penis to masturbate over his female scene partner, even slapping her bare skin with it — all too underground for my comparatively delicate tastes.

Whether ’80s pastiches or truly exploitative exploitation, the aggression and attitudes of the newer, convention-crowd movies are not for everybody. Donohue acknowledges as much by including a rant from Unearthed Films’ Stephen Biro, presumably drunk, against their less-than-committed creative process: “None of these motherfuckers are taking acting lessons!” —Rod Lott

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The Long Night (2022)

Hoping to learn about a family she never knew, Grace (Scout Taylor-Compton) is invited to a plantation home for a weekend by someone claiming to possess the answers she seeks. With her boyfriend, Jack (Nolan Gerard Funk, House at the End of the Street), in tow, she arrives to find the mansion spacious, yet empty of people. Oh, well — when in Rome (or South Carolina) …

Neither snakes nor satanic-looking symbols about the property scare them from B&Bing. Soon, a dead cat turns up gutted on the porch; next, robed figures hiding their faces with animal skulls and espousing a Cenobite-level obsession with pain do their best Purge formation stance surrounding the backyard; at each glance, their circle seems to get tighter. No wonder the movie is titled The Long Night; one hopes utilizing Ancestry.com isn’t this eerie.

More or less resigned to a horror-from-here-on-out career after earning the lead role in Rob Zombie’s rebooted Halloween pair, Taylor-Compton appears to have grown into it admirably, able to carry these films — workable or not — on her all-in shoulders. With The Long Night, she gets to check both “milky-eyed contacts” and “Regan MacNeil levitation” off her to-do list, as well as ground the weirdo-hallucinatory sequences that lend the flick a fentanyl-laced dose of the cosmic.

As director, Rich Ragsdale (The Curse of el Charro) makes prodigious use of drone footage and a score rivaling Cowboy Junkies for somnambulism to properly establish a definitive, deliberate mood before delving into story. The script, however, gets stuck somewhere around the second act, treading the same ground without actually progressing until the mouth finally catches the tail. In their small parts, Deborah Kara Unger (Silent Hill: Revelation) and Jeff Fahey (Body Parts) bring flashes of respite, but not surprise. —Rod Lott

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Santo in the Vengeance of the Mummy (1971)

There’s a reason Mexico’s masked wrestler numero uno, Santo, never wrote a business book titled Who Moved My Queso? or The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Luchadors: He was a terrible leader.

Seriously! In Santo in the Vengeance of the Mummy alone, the man proves time and again that he was a master of the ring, but not HR. Within an hour and half, consider that he:
• adheres to a dress code different from everyone else
• values looks above lives
• shows that violence is always the answer
• mandates a 3 a.m. clock-in
• tells his followers, “I can assure you horse meat is very tasty.”
• has a child perform manual labor
• and, when the child’s grandfather is murdered, consoles the kid with these words: “Men don’t cry.”

Despite that, his 31st star vehicle — directed by Santo regular René Cardona Sr. (El Vampiro y el Sexo) — is quite fun, provided you skip the wrestling matches that bookend it. Outside the ring, Santo is recruited by professor Romero (César del Campo, The Exterminating Angel) to join an expedition to the jungle crypt — and its expected treasure, so says a freshly deciphered codex — of Nonec, an Apache prince from thousands of years ago.

Also aboard are an engineer, a photographer, a secretary (and her notepad) and another scholar, professor Jiminez (Carlos Ancira, The Living Coffin). Looking not unlike he’ll be fiddling on the roof any minute, Jiminez is present for “comic relief”; from wondering how to milk a horse to mistaking a menu being in French, when he’s merely holding it upside down. Har-de-har.

Guided to the tomb by local boy Agapito (Niño Jorgito, Santo’s real-life son), the group discovers the mummified Nonec draped with an ornate necklace threatening death for removal. They take it anyway, so a resurrected Nonec takes revenge on their camp. Bread-crust face aside, he’s not your everyday mummy, skilled as he is at archery.

Of course the silver-masked Santo will defeat the thing by close of business, just as he does everything else thrown at him, from a black panther to Buffalo — not an animal, but a wrestling opponent. Santo in the Vengeance of the Mummy makes for a semi-lively Mexploitation adventure into terror, from the storied Cinematográfica Caldéron, S.A. Ask for it by name. —Rod Lott

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Deadly Lessons (1983)

En route to a ritzy boarding school, naive good girl Stefanie (Diane Franklin, Better Off Dead) says to the cabbie, “I hope the girls are friendly.”

They are not. In fact, most are total bitches, simply because Stepfanie comes from a farm, not a trust fund. Despite being there on a scholarship, she’s abruptly put in her place as their inferior; after all, what kind of weirdo brings a board game? Headmistressed by It’s a Wonderful Life legend Donna Reed (in her final movie role, albeit made-for-TV), the institution teaches French, horseback riding and … homicide!

In templated one-by-one fashion, the girls are killed, each in a different way, at the hands of … well, therein lies the mystery. Needless to say, CHiPs’ officer Larry Wilcox investigates.

I’ll say this for Deadly Lessons: The reveal of the killer’s identity arrives as an absolute surprise. Clearly, this was ABC’s attempt to grab Voorhees-craving viewers, yet the limits dictated by Standards and Practices cripple efforts by director William Wiard (This House Possessed) to achieve a passing grade of terror. As a result, the bloodless movie belongs to the genre of suspense, however light.

The characters are stock, but for a story like this, they should be. So I’ll also say this for Deadly Lessons: Wiard and casting sure had good taste, snagging not only the likable Franklin, but others on the verge on breaking big — notably, Ally Sheedy, Bill Paxton, Rick Rossovich and, in the role of Fat Girl Who Eats Four Dozen Donuts, future Bart Simpson voice Nancy Cartwright. —Rod Lott

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