It ain’t Creepshow — heck, it ain’t Creepshow 2, either — but Drive-In Horrorshow is better than most of your no-budget indie features. The fright anthology’s tongue-in-cheek framing device is that a rundown, ill-attended drive-in staffed by monsters who show the five short features.

“Pig” finds a young woman taking revenge on the frat boy who drugged and violated her. “The Closet” houses a toothy creature that proves convenient for the little boy who feels wronged by his family members. “Fall Apart” centers around a flesh-eating virus, giving the film its best (read: sickest) effects, while “The Meat Man” and “The Watcher” fall into the subgenres of urban legends and slashers, respectively.

Director/co-writer Michael Neel gets an A for effort, but a C+ for execution, as the segments run a little longer than needed and are need of cutting to accelerate the pace. None are scary, unless you’re … oh, let’s say 10 or under, but will appeal to fans of DIY horror. It sure doesn’t skimp on the gore. Its end credits, however, assault your ears with horrible, terrible music. —Rod Lott

Part of the Ghost House Underground series of DVDs, Dark Floors is a Finnish fright film about a haunted hospital. Single dad Ben (Noah Huntley) is there trying to get help for his autistic daughter, Sarah (Skye Bennett), when the MRI machine starts smoking. The girl babbles about wanting a red crayon, which is at least markedly less expensive than a pony.

They get on the elevator with the nurse and a handful of other people, then get off to an empty floor. It’s like the whole place has vacated, but all the doors are locked and their communication devices won’t work. Why? Lordy, it’s Lordi!

Being American, you may ask, “WTF is a Lordi?” Apparently, it’s a heavy metal band in which its members dress in demonic costumes. (Think GWAR, minus the name recognition.) They’re hiding out in the hospital to kill off the humans, one by one, growling all the way.

Director Pete Riski gets some good effects out of what looks to be a sizable budget, particularly the first ghost sequence, but sad to say, the flick is boring while you wait between appearances of the various monsters. It’s kind of like watching an elevator count down floors while you’re in it: You’re barely paying attention.

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

—Rod Lott

Buy it at Amazon.

Georges Franju’s moody horror classic Eyes Without a Face — or Les yeux sans visage, if you want to be pretentious about it — follows the trials and travails of noted surgeon Dr. Génessier (Pierre Brasseur) as he struggles to find a face for his daughter, Christiane (Edith Scob), who lost hers in a gruesome car crash.

To that end, Dr. G sends out his loyal secretary, Louise (Alida Valli), to befriend lovely young women and bring them back to his spooky estate, where they’ll knocked out and tied to the surgical table, drugged and become not-so-lovely. In a scene once censored, we see in gory detail just how unkind his cuts are.

The French film is spooky, thanks mostly to Christiane’s mask, a blank stare that no doubt influenced Michael Myers’ emotionless cover. Franju aims for a marathon, not a sprint, with deliberate pacing that gets you involved with the characters. In other words, this is an intelligent film that just happens to appeal to base senses, with evocative photography and a memorable score, which sounds like the theme from Curb Your Enthusiasm on Percocet.

It’s to the film’s credit that you’ll not think of the Billy Idol song of the same name throughout. —Rod Lott

Buy it at Amazon.