All posts by Rod Lott

Horror

The Christmas Tapes (2022)

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From concept to execution, The Christmas Tapes could be titled V/H/S: XMAS. Whatever you think of that lo-fi horror anthology franchise is a reliable barometer of your reception to this well-stocked project of merriment, mischief, mayhem and murder.

On Christmas Eve, the camcorder-captured celebration of a white suburban family — the kind with “Live Laugh Love” signs in place of art — is interrupted by an unexpected visitor. It’s Geoff (a wonderful Greg Sestero, The Room), a “stranded” driver asking to use their phone. They oblige.

Mere minutes later, Geoff has the clan at gunpoint, forcing them to watch unsung Christmas movies he’s brought on VHS cassettes. Said “movies” are homemade … and suspiciously acquired. Luckily, the modern family still owns a player; otherwise, this framing device would be for naught.

Numbering four, they range from a vlogging couple’s camping trip gone bad after summoning a German scarecrow (with jump scares galore) to spouses spending their first holiday season in their newly purchased house (complete with unexplained occurrences). Sandwiched in between is a quick bit in the POV of someone who has to deliver a package before a literally explosive deadline.

The best present of all finds a well-meaning dad (Jason Kuykendall) shipping an oversized gift box to his kids. Its contents: himself! To heighten the Christmas spirit, he hires a Santa to truck him there; unfortunately, this Kris Kringle (Vernon Wells, The Road Warrior) veers from the plan.

Although the aforementioned haunted-house segment allows Dave Sheridan (Scary Movie’s Doofie) to improvise a little too long, The Christmas Tapes satisfies as a maniacal party mix of playful terror and dark humor. The framing device holds its own as a story, too. My Christmas wish is for Sestero to again reunite with his Infrared directing duo for another dip into Geoff’s bag of found-footage tricks. —Rod Lott

Action

Violent Night (2022)

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Remembering the incredible — and incredibly ridiculous — controversy surrounding the 1984 release of Silent Night, Deadly Night, I’m wondering if the nary-a-peep outcry over 2022’s Violent Night is a sign that society has progressed or become desensitized. (I don’t have the answer.)

After all, whereas Silent Night’s slasher was merely a psycho killer disguised in a Santa suit, Violent Night casts David Harbour (TV’s Stranger Things) as the jolly, real-deal Claus. Instead of an ax, he wields a mighty sledgehammer. And ice skate blades. And a stocking stuffed with billiard balls. And candy canes sucked down to sharp, lethal points. You’ll poke your eye out!

No matter the weapon, it’s all for a good reason: With equal parts Die Hard and Home Alone, Santa’s defending a mansion of über-wealthy people against bad guys seeking the contents of the safe on Dec. 24. The have-nots are led by John Leguizamo (John Wick 2), while the haves’ balls-of-steel matriarch is Beverly D’Angelo, no doubt cast to upend expectations of her most visible role as the perfect wife of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.

The setup is almost incidental, and Tommy Wirkola (Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters) directs accordingly. To the film’s credit, it does not take the first word of its title lightly; the punishment Santa doles out is gruesome and graphic. It’d be nihilistic if not for Violent Night also being a self-parody. Having a puking-drunk, public-urinating, F-bomb-dropping, skull-crushing Santa as a hero is no surefire audience-rouser, but with Harbour bringing the slovenly, beer-bellied elements of his Emmy-nommed Chief Hopper character to the table, his sardonic take works like a charm. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Comedy

Coopers’ Christmas (2008)

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Instead of watching National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation again this holiday season, make a new annual tradition with its Canadian counterpart, Coopers’ Christmas. A should-be cult classic from Trailer Park Boys director Warren P. Sonoda, it has what the Chevy Chase sequel really lacks: the Lampoon’s anarchic humor and a hard-R rating to match.

Starring real-life spouses and The Daily Show vets Jason Jones (who co-wrote) and Samantha Bee, the film captures one crazy Christmas in 1985, all via a barely used VHS camcorder Gord (Jones) gives to his wife, Nancy (Bee). She’s pissed he spent their Orlando vacation money on it, but their youngest son (Dylan Everett) is so enthused, he tapes most of the day and night, often surreptitiously.

Each family member is royally screwed-up. Big brother Marcus (Nick McKinlay) is Star Wars-obsessed, socially inept and suicidal; teen niece (Hayley Lochner) seems well on her way to a career as a stripper and/or prostitute; and elderly Nana (Jayne Eastwood, 2004’s Dawn of the Dead) is perpetually sour-faced and would rather be dead. Then there’s Uncle Nick (co-scripter Mike Beaver), this film’s Cousin Eddie, as channeled through the Danny McBride blend of obnoxious and inappropriate — mullet included!

Then the real problems start: Gord’s brother, Tim (Ginger Snaps’ Peter Keleghan), arrives. See, rumor has it that Tim may or may have not have slept with Nancy on her and Gord’s wedding night. What is Christmas if not a time for dysfunction?

Known as Coopers’ Camera in its native country, this comedy has plenty of familial instability. It’s refreshingly politically incorrect, raunchy and, to my pleasant surprise, hysterical, as such adjectives don’t necessarily go hand in hand. It’s not all scatological humor, either, although even those instances manage to be funny. For example, when Marcus throws up Pine-Sol on the living room floor after a failed suicide attempt, Gord offers some fatherly advice: Clean it up. “It smells like egg salad and blue spruce.”

Daily Show devotees wanting to see Jones and Bee in action should know both are more than willing to ugly themselves up for a laugh. Dave Foley of The Kids in the Hall has a small role, as do his, um, ornaments. To borrow Christmas Vacation’s original tagline, yule crack up. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Thriller

The Burning Sea (2021)

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On the coast of Norway, Sofia (Kristine Kujath Thorp, Ninjababy) works as an offshore robotics researcher. She, her lab partner (Rolf Kristian Larsen, Cold Prey) and their snake-like robot camera are called into action — and accompanying NDA — to look for bodies when an oil platform topples into the water.

After the structure explodes, the Saga oil company overlords are quick to blame a gas leak from the well. Sofia, however, is not so sure. In typical disaster-movie fashion, she believes the threat comes from underneath the ocean floor. Indeed, as fractures and slides grow in number and size, hundreds and hundreds of wells are endangered — not to mention any nearby countries.

As with The Wave and The Quake, which share several producers and screenwriter Harald Rosenløw-Eeg, The Burning Sea possesses a rock-solid understanding of what makes this subgenre work best: by establishing characters — not caricatures, Mr. Emmerich — before throwing all the Bad Stuff at them. Otherwise, you’re just a CGI lightshow with no reason to care.

Fresh from helming The Quake, John Andreas Andersen already knows this. Although that 2019 film was a sequel, The Burning Sea gives us an all-new cast of realistic people, capably led by Thorp. The second half makes the event extremely personal for Sofia by trapping the man she loves (Henrik Bjelland, Now It’s Dark), so the stakes hit close to home and her literal home. But worry not, fans of global decimation: The effects are truly incredible, too. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Sci-Fi & Fantasy

Alienoid (2022)

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As the South Korean blockbuster Alienoid posits, aliens hide their prisoners inside human bodies. Whenever those prisoners escape, in swoop Guard and Thunder to make things right. The sleek Guard is basically Iron Man with all right angles smoothed out, while Thunder resembles an overweight View-Master and can turn into a talking car.

Meanwhile (?), in the late 14th century, people tussle over the Divine Blade, a sword with regenerative properties and the ability to rip open portals in time. Never the twain shall meet? Not a chance! And to no one’s surprise, the melding of very different time periods (and the subgenres of martial arts and superhero sci-fi) makes for fun sequences — not that the film lacks in that department before a single dimension is hopped.

Look, a lot goes on in Alienoid‘s 142 minutes. Bursts of energy shoot from palms. Spiked tentacles whip this way and that. Kitty cats emerge from paper fans. Guard and Thunder have adopted a precocious daughter. There’s even a character named Dog Turd. One could argue writer and director Choi Dong-hoon (The Thieves) has packed in too much “much” for his movie’s own good. (To be transparent, its sequel was shot in tandem.)

Although not based on a comic book, Alienoid is assuredly influenced by Marvel, for good and for ill. It’s big, bright and colorful. Action and humor occupy a common space. Special effects appear no-expense-spared. But when spectacle overwhelms all else, as it does in a punishing 20-minute finale, your patience may be as defeated as the forces of evil. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.