All posts by Rod Lott

13 Frightened Girls (1963)

This is producer/director William Castle’s second-best movie with the number 13 in its title. Its premise is that Candy (Kathy Dunn), an American diplomat’s daughter who attends an exclusive boarding school, becomes a spy. She’s 16 years old.

I point that out because not once, but twice, does Candy throw herself at older men, in an unsubtle sexual manner that would never pass muster today.

Like Nancy Drew with a multicultural cast, the bright, boisterous Girls pits Candy mostly against the ne’er-do-wells of “Red China.” The film has her scurrying up and down a dumbwaiter, tossing a guy off a balcony to his death, and saved from a booby-trapped car from that hunk known as Murray Hamilton. But nothing is as awesome as the prologue, which finds her driving her fellow students in a bus, and practically killing them all because of a spider dangling in front of her. She swerves all over the damn road; has she ever heard of brakes?

At a party sequence about 38 minutes in, a couple pops up who may remind you of our First Family in their late teens. It was during this scene, with all the boarding school girls being catty to one another (“Ooh, you man thief!”) that prompted my wife to comment, “Man, spies are bitches.” —Rod Lott

Buy it at Amazon.

The Expendables (2010)

What do you get when you put Rambo, The Transporter, The Punisher, The One, Johnny Handsome, John McClane, The Terminator, American Streetfighter and a couple of wrestlers into one movie? The Expendables, bitch!

Sylvester Stallone’s action opus is struck from the ol’ mercenaries-on-a-mission template, like The Dirty Dozen or even Inglourious Basterds, minus eight Oscar nominations. Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture and Terry Crews comprise The Expendables, a “fry or die” freelance team hired to go to some foreign island and take down a surly dictator, played by that chubby detective from Dexter who always wears the hat. (Here, he wears a beret.)

As expected, the script is stupid, the acting is atrocious, but the action scenes are kick-ass — gratuitous, over-the-top violence where bad guys can get sliced in two with the flick of a knife. In other words, when’s the freakin’ sequel? Next time, Sly, you need to throw in Blade, The Glimmer Man, Snake Plissken, The Marine, Bloodfist, American Ninja, The Perfect Weapon and — oh, what the hell — Lionheart. Certainly they can’t be all that busy. —Rod Lott

Buy it at Amazon.

Eyes Without a Face (1960)

Georges Franju’s moody horror classic Eyes Without a Face — or Les yeux sans visage, if you want to be pretentious about it — follows the trials and travails of noted surgeon Dr. Génessier (Pierre Brasseur) as he struggles to find a face for his daughter, Christiane (Edith Scob), who lost hers in a gruesome car crash.

To that end, Dr. G sends out his loyal secretary, Louise (Alida Valli), to befriend lovely young women and bring them back to his spooky estate, where they’ll knocked out and tied to the surgical table, drugged and become not-so-lovely. In a scene once censored, we see in gory detail just how unkind his cuts are.

The French film is spooky, thanks mostly to Christiane’s mask, a blank stare that no doubt influenced Michael Myers’ emotionless cover. Franju aims for a marathon, not a sprint, with deliberate pacing that gets you involved with the characters. In other words, this is an intelligent film that just happens to appeal to base senses, with evocative photography and a memorable score, which sounds like the theme from Curb Your Enthusiasm on Percocet.

It’s to the film’s credit that you’ll not think of the Billy Idol song of the same name throughout. —Rod Lott

Buy it at Amazon.

WTF is Flick Attack?

Just what the Internet needs: another effin’ movie site!

But Flick Attack is different: We’ll have no news. No scoops. No rumors. No set reports. Just one kick-ass review a day, Monday through Friday, with the occasional article on Saturday to make your weekend that much awesomer.

Yep, that’s right: Every day you get one review, so take it or leave it. While everyone else pees their pants over multiplex releases that haven’t even been released yet, we’re gonna dig through our archives and toss out something that’s most likely not playing a theater near you. Maybe you’ve heard of it; maybe you haven’t; maybe it’s easy to find; maybe it’s not — doesn’t matter, and we don’t care. You will read it, and you will like it.

So if you like discovering cinematic trash-terpieces, you’ve come to the right place. We’ve got horror, sci-fi, action, kung fu, comedy and sex. But no drama. If it’s tears you want, we’ll be happy to kick you in the shin.

Flick Attack is brought to you by those cool guys behind Bookgasm. When’s this start going down? When we feel like it. Follow us on that Twitter thing if you wanna be updated. Or don’t. See if we care.

Oh, yeah — pay you no mind to the ugliness of this page. We’re gonna clean it up just as soon as we get our hands on the throat of the numbskull who made it. We’ll use the blood from his smashed melon to paint it up real nice.