All posts by Rod Lott

Hatchet for the Honeymoon (1970)

hatchethoneymoonIntroducing himself to the viewer, Hatchet for the Honeymoon‘s protagonist/antagonist says in voice-over, “My name is John Harrington. … I am completely mad.” He’s not joking; by the time he tells us this, he’s killed five young women already, and don’t expect that number to stay put.

Harrington (Stephen Forsyth, No Killing Without Dollars) believes that a woman should be loved once, then dead forever after. The owner of a bridal shop, he finds his victims easily and buries many of them in the greenhouse on the mansion he shares with his wife, Mildred (Laura Betti, A Bay of Blood), a much older woman who refuses to grant him a divorce.

hatchethoneymoon1No matter; he’s able to continue his raping/killing spree despite the martial bond. Only when the beautiful, promiscuous Helen (Dagmar Lassander, The House by the Cemetery) comes looking for her missing sister (Femi Benussi, Strip Nude for Your Killer) and cozies up to Harrington does his hobby face a credible threat.

In the hands of a lesser director, the “screemplay” (as the handwritten credits dub it) by Ricco the Mean Machine‘s Santiago Moncada would risk coming off as chop-‘n’-slop trash. With the masterful Mario Bava at work, however, the horror film not only delivers the expected shocks and gore, but a high level of visual artistry. Acting as his own DP, Bava (Black Sunday) treats the screen as a big, colorful canvas, and no corner escapes his eye for composition.

Forsyth excels at playing a psycho audiences nonetheless will have a smidge of sympathy for, delicately balancing the role’s mix of mental illness and black comedy. It’s a shame he called it quits after this Italian film, but at least he went out on a high note. For Bava newcomers, Hatchet is one of the more accessible starting points. —Rod Lott

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The Witch Who Came from the Sea (1976)

witchcameseaYoung and single, Molly (Millie Perkins, At Close Range) works in a bar. She lives with her sister (Vanessa Brown, The Bad and the Beautiful), a welfare mother of two boys who worship the sea-sailing grandfather they never met and who was lost to the waters 15 years prior. Molly’s own feelings toward her old man are conflicted; after all, he did have a sexual relationship with her.

Needless to say, Molly’s one screwed-up chick — an utterly weird woman whose dark psyche is explored in the utterly weird The Witch Who Came from the Sea.

witchcamesea1She experiences detailed fantasies — so twisted they qualify as hallucinations — of slaughtering musclemen on the beach and the shirtless shaving guy on a television commercial for razors. The first sign that there may be more to Molly’s mind games is when she imagines draining two superstar football players of their lifeblood by slicing the Achilles tendon, only to wake up the next morning and learn that the athletes have been murdered.

Director Matt Cimber is working with a higher caliber of material than he’s used to (i.e. Yellow Hair and the Fortress of Gold), so it’s evident to the viewer that there’s a lot going on here, even if Cimber can’t quite communicate it. He tries, but with its oblique narrative and psychological subtext, he’s in too far over his head. Perkins gives a good performance, although the script (by then-husband Robert Thom, Death Race 2000) requires her to spend too much of it naked. For all her onscreen sacrifice, the ending does her no justice, striking a dour note — and one that feels like a cop-out.

Still, it’s different, and because different is good, the psychological thriller is worth a look. Just watch out for the TV clown. —Rod Lott

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Wanna Win Eddie: The Sleepwalking Cannibal?

eddiecannibalUPDATE: Winner is Doug Gibson!

We’re giving away a copy of Eddie: The Sleepwalking Cannibal on DVD to one lucky summabitch in these United States of America. How to enter? Easy!

Just leave a relevant comment on any review on this site before next Saturday, Aug. 10. That’s when one lucky commenter will be picked at random to have this movie shipped to his or her door. Winner will be notified via email, so make sure the email address you leave to comment is a valid one.

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Web of the Spider (1971)

webofspiderBachelor journalist Alan Foster (Anthony Franciosa, Tenebre) wanders into a bar late at night where that nutball Edgar Allan Poe (played by nutball Klaus Kinski, 1979’s Nosferatu) is holding the tavern spellbound with his tales of mystery and horror. Some dude mentions to Foster that no one has survived a night in a neighboring haunted castle. Apparently not understanding his odds or unaware that the man next to him is being played Klaus freakin’ Kinski, he thinks, “What a fab idea it would be to spend a night in this neighboring haunted castle!”

After strolling about the grounds for 15 minutes getting jumpy at gusts of wind and banging out a little ditty on the organ, two separate paintings come to life in the form of corset-bound beauties. Yowsa! Art appreciation!

webofspider1Almost immediately, the redhead (Michèle Mercier, Black Sabbath) announces she wants to bed him, which, seeing how Franciosa is a ringer for game-show host Bert Convy, you’d either have to be drunk or dead to do. As it turns out, the latter is true, and Foster’s just watching their deaths unfold in front of him, like a virtual-reality instant replay.

He spends the second half of Web of the Spider running from these dead people, screaming “NNNOOOOO!!!” and tripping over things. And just when you think nothing is going to happen, it doesn’t! But I will say this: It has one helluva great, ain’t-it-a-bitch ending. For the record, there are no spiders. —Rod Lott

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The Sister of Ursula (1978)

sisterursulaAmid other liquids, one practically can smell the dribbles of J&B through the screen of The Sister of Ursula, a title that tells you nothing and means only slightly more. It refers to Dagmar Beyne (Stefania D’Amario, Zombie), who’s not quite the main character, yet neither is her sibling, Ursula (Barbara Magnolfi, Suspiria). In fact, no character is developed properly enough to emerge as the lead.

Searching for their estranged mother after their father’s death, the two stop at a seaside hotel in Italy with majestic views and vistas and nightclub singer Stella Shining (Yvonne Harlow). Despite such amenities, Dagmar doesn’t want to stay: “Terrible things are going to happen,” she says. “I see blood.” She’s so certain that she herself will be murdered — not the most ideal of travel companions.

sisterursula1Terrible things do happen, to both the viewer and to the movie’s slutty female characters. Members of the latter group are slain by a killer in requisite black gloves, offed by a … well, a rather unique tool, let’s say. I won’t spoil it, but the shadow knows. The first to go is a prostitute who plies her trade underneath a decidedly unsexy Donald Duck poster.

Promiscuity reigns in this sleazy little thriller by writer/director Enzo Milioni, and each time people go at it, they do so to the tune of the same sax-fueled ballad of the damned. It’s meant to signal sexy, Pavlovian-style, yet is so overused, it will have an opposite effect on viewers. Milioni expended all his energy on these scenes, to the detriment of everything else. Unless you’re just looking for skin, there’s nothing to see here, folks; please move along. —Rod Lott

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