All posts by Rod Lott

Deadly Lessons (1983)

En route to a ritzy boarding school, naive good girl Stefanie (Diane Franklin, Better Off Dead) says to the cabbie, “I hope the girls are friendly.”

They are not. In fact, most are total bitches, simply because Stepfanie comes from a farm, not a trust fund. Despite being there on a scholarship, she’s abruptly put in her place as their inferior; after all, what kind of weirdo brings a board game? Headmistressed by It’s a Wonderful Life legend Donna Reed (in her final movie role, albeit made-for-TV), the institution teaches French, horseback riding and … homicide!

In templated one-by-one fashion, the girls are killed, each in a different way, at the hands of … well, therein lies the mystery. Needless to say, CHiPs’ officer Larry Wilcox investigates.

I’ll say this for Deadly Lessons: The reveal of the killer’s identity arrives as an absolute surprise. Clearly, this was ABC’s attempt to grab Voorhees-craving viewers, yet the limits dictated by Standards and Practices cripple efforts by director William Wiard (This House Possessed) to achieve a passing grade of terror. As a result, the bloodless movie belongs to the genre of suspense, however light.

The characters are stock, but for a story like this, they should be. So I’ll also say this for Deadly Lessons: Wiard and casting sure had good taste, snagging not only the likable Franklin, but others on the verge on breaking big — notably, Ally Sheedy, Bill Paxton, Rick Rossovich and, in the role of Fat Girl Who Eats Four Dozen Donuts, future Bart Simpson voice Nancy Cartwright. —Rod Lott

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Honeymoon of Terror (1961)

Just married, young lovebirds Marion and Frank drive straight to Las Vegas — the city limits of which are denoted by a yard sign — for what will turn out a true Honeymoon of Terror. Their luck doesn’t run out right away; the worst that happens in Sin City is that Frank (Doug Leith) takes his bride to see a sort of Hee Haw-themed stripper act, while later, the virginal Marion (Dwan Marlow) forgets her PJs and attempts to blue-ball the hubs until he falls asleep.

Wishing they could be truly alone, she expresses a desire to go to “a deserted lake.” Frank, in his clothespin-nasal voice, just so happens to know of such a place: Thunder Island, where no one has lived for 15 whole years! And hell, he’s even got a map for it in his suitcase!

Come morning, they boat over and set up camp. Frank has to run into town for supplies, leaving Marion on her own — a perfect opportunity to skinny-dip. Her tan lines are so high-contrast, her rear looks like shorts from a brief distance. As promised, the of Terror portion arrives as she’s being watched by an unshaven old slob with a noticeable limp. The way he rubs his stubble, we know he wants to tumble.

Will Frank return in time to save her? Will Marion spend roughly the entire second half running and screaming? Will writer/director Peter Perry Jr. (Kiss Me Quick!) pause at halftime to give us a greatest-hits reel of the prior 30 minutes?

These questions are more are answered in the affirmative by Honeymoon of Terror (aka Ecstasy on Lovers Island), an amateurs-only psycho-thriller/nudie-cutie combo that comes close to crossing into roughie territory. Even with Ms. Marlow’s limited nakedness, the movie rings fairly innocuous by today’s standards — and equally as fun. I’d rub my stubble to see it in color. —Rod Lott

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School for Sex (1969)

Giles Wingate is in a pinch. Relieved of his sizable inheritance through a revolving door of gold-digging wives — including his former maid, who cunningly moves from housework to ho’work — he strikes upon a jolly good idea to replenish the coffers: opening a School for Sex.

Written, produced and erected — er, directed — by Pete Walker (For Men Only), this British bird-watcher takes place at the estate of Giles (Walker regular Derek Aylward), where he teaches young women how to use their built-in wiles to win, win and win, hearts be damned. Each libidinous learner among his initial class of four appears to be as horny as Times Square at rush hour.

Classes cover everything from bikini calisthenics to spotting the millionaire. Regardless of the syllabus, a peering, leering cop (Bob Andrews, The Soldier) practically on loan from Keystone is ever so eager to observe, what with being married to a woman whose shape isn’t curves, but an isosceles trapezoid. While clothing for the nubile pupils is often optional — and taken — School for Sex is rather chaste, being all about the look, not the act.

Nudity aside, Walker’s script sways more toward actual female empowerment (no, really!) and away from sleaze. This is crucial, because if Aylward and/or Giles weren’t likable, School for Sex wouldn’t be approachable, and Walker all but acknowledges this with his light touch. Both its sexiest woman and most valuable player is Thunderballer Rose Alba as the middle-aged countess-cum-headmistress. (Speaking of 007, the women’s costumes are credited to “Pussy Galore.”) Always clothed, yet never a wrist’s length further from a cocktail, Alba gives a strong comedic performance in a movie that doesn’t even ask her to. —Rod Lott

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6:45 (2021)

When proposing marriage to the woman you love, be sure to make it memorable. Not most guys’ idea of memorable, which means in public so she feels enormous pressure to accept. And definitely not 6:45’s idea of memorable, which means she’s immediately gutted by a stranger with a box cutter.

Said unfortunate fate befalls Jules (Augie Duke, Necropolis: Legion), much to the horror of boyfriend/bystander Bobby (Michael Reed, Chupacabra Territory), who then gets his neck cranked a sharp 90˚ angle. The operative word of that sentence is “much,” because then Bobby wakes at the titular time in the B&B bed of their romantic weekend excursion and is forced to relive it over and over again, despite efforts to the contrary.

Playing like a downbeat Groundhog Day, this indie thriller from Dark Ride director Craig Singer is built upon a good-enough idea, although wholly unoriginal. Oddly, once the time loop takes effect, interest wanes and thrills give way to dramatics, with which everyone seems not as comfortable handling. Until then, however, I wanted to see where Singer would take it (although not as much as he made me want to see Asbury Park, the iconic New Jersey seaside city standing in for the lovers’ destination of Bog Grove).

6:45’s ultimate twist becomes conspicuous well before intended, which only reinforces its status as a clothes-free emperor — and one who hates playing by the rules, even within the malleability the genre affords. In other words, it’s as predictable as knowing which number a digital clock will display next. Worse, as if you didn’t process the revelation, Singer hits you over the head with it — and over and over again, much like a serial killer who couldn’t find his box cutter and had to settle for a hammer. —Rod Lott

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