Of all the outré mysteries of the unknowable, the prophecies of 16th-century mystic seer Michel de Nostredame — or, as we now call him, Nostradamus — fascinate me. Mostly, I was a weird kid about him.
In sixth grade. I wrote a book report on the translated The Prophecies in Nostradamus’ lauded quatrain style. Getting an A- on it did me no favors in the “cool” department of my class, making it longer even until I got a kiss from a girl or a 1500s prognosticator.
I got into Nostradamus after seeing the “documentary” The Man Who Saw Tomorrow at 3 a.m. on cable, only to rediscover it on VHS at my local library, like a sign from a prognosticator’s divine divining bowl. With tensions overflowing in Iran and the Middle East at this very moment, it’s been reintroduced into my life by YouTube. Bloatedly narrated by Orson Welles and four decades later, it’s pretty terrible. How did this movie scare me for so long?
Much like those unexplained docs from Rod Serling and the Schick Sunn Classics people, Tomorrow starts with three 1700s “skeptics” drinking from Nostradamus’s skull, which apparently was cursed. Fair enough, but it’s not brought up again. Drunk on wine and smoking a cigar, Welles says Nostradamus “mystified scholars” as he studied the intrinsic kabbalah, braved the plague and, in his spare time, wrote the prophecies that are kind of vague, but in context, also totally accurate … right?
Most people know Nostradamus’s prophecies about Napoleon, Hitler (also called “Hister” in the movie) and the JFK assassination. But what about those of the future in 1981? Well, here’s the highlight reel:
• 1986: Worldwide Famine!
• 1988: Earthquake Will Decimate Los Angeles!
• 1994: World War III Begins!
• 1999: The King of the Mongols Is Revealed to Be the Third Antichrist!
When that final date passed over us, a small discharge of prophetic relief came over me, letting me know it was going to be okay. The Man Who Saw Tomorrow movie is a cultural oddity, when lots were cast and such things were left to the passing of time and phew, it’s all hokem.
Except it’s not anymore. It’s now playing out like Nostradamus and Welles said it would, with one exception: The Antichrist wears a blue suit and red tie. Or maybe this movie was a quick and easy way to make money by making people scared. I guess we’ll soon find out. Or maybe we won’t. —Louis Fowler