Video Bingo’s box promises “unlimited hours of fun.” For once, as people who shun the rules of grammar might say, the box don’t lie!
The premise is decidedly difficult, but thankfully, Best Film & Video hired an announcer to clear up any misunderstandings at the VHS tape’s beginning:
1. A combination of a letter and a number is called.
2. If you have such a square on your bingo card, you place a marker over that square.
3. Repeat until someone wins.
What’s not fun about that?
To make things even simpler, the two-hour video comes with the cards and markers — a smart move with you in mind, dear consumer.
I like the soothing calm of the voice of the unseen gent who calls out the bingo numbers. It’s as if he is whispering in my ear, “You’re going to win; I just know it!” or maybe, “Chin up, young man. It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game.”
In case you don’t know how to play, the handy photocopied dot-matrix instruction page in the box will help. One rule reads: “Carefully separate bingo cards.” I assume this is to here to avoid wrongful deaths that otherwise naturally occur during the card-distribution portion of the game.
You may notice the family on the box is having so much fun, they’re cheering. And why shouldn’t they? I’m here to tell you cheering is just one action you’ll experience when you get your mitts on a copy and gather the children. This is perhaps the best thing about Video Bingo, aside from enjoying this exciting game without having to leave your home and smell the old people. (Speaking of your own home, put the kids to bed and play Strip Bingo — your choice!)
Video Bingo is a winner, just like B-14 was for me! Order yours today before the next pandemic renders it as tough to track down as rolls of toilet paper.
O-64! N-37! I-24! G-52! Are you catching the fever yet? B-13! N-45! —Rod Lott