Teen Movie Hell, if released 20 or so years ago, would desperately sit on my shelf next to the various Psychotronics and Gore Scores, yellowing with useful age, pages dog-eared beyond belief. Sadly, it’s not 20 or so years ago, so this read — and what a great read it is — and its collection of movie reviews is mostly superfluous in the age of the internet.
Good thing that I — and mostly middle-aged shut-ins like me — still have those Psychotronics and Gore Scores in their bookcases, a little less used but still ultimately revered, and am still able to find a spot on the shelf for Mike “McBeardo” McPadden’s latest tome, even if its re-readability is strained in this modern day and age.
Still, McPadden does a good job of capturing those youthful urges and rejected dirges to see little darlings, party animals and bikini carwashes in their natural environment of toplessness, surrounded with plenty of suds — of both the beer and bathing variety — as a fat guy belly-flops into a pool while a dog with sunglasses covers his head in disbelief.
Dissecting the lesser-known trash — Computer Beach Party and Hamburger: The Motion Picture, for example — alongside the well-known flicks the cool kids favored — The Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink ring a bell? — as well as a couple of questionable-but-welcome entries (including Police Academy, this former teen’s favorite) — Teen Movie Hell is definitely is a must-have for anyone with a nostalgic bent that begins in their pants and doesn’t go much further.
Enjoy your home on my shelf next to this stack of Re/Search books. —Louis Fowler