Infraterrestre (2001)

A few days ago, I came upon Infraterrestre, an El Santo movie I didn’t recognize. After all, he took his final bow sometime in the mid-1980s, after a few luchador-style kung-fu fight films.

Thinking it was a rip-off of the immortal character, I purchased the movie, looking for illicit laughs — only to find to Santo was the Son of Santo, and Infraterrestre was his big-screen debut. Much like the world of the rebooted Dark Knight mythos, it offers a darker, grittier version of the much-loved Santo flicks, but, sadly, the son was one and done.

Like other characters with a storied past, why was this version of Santo given the wrestling boot? Why hadn’t I heard of it? And why is it not championed as the rightful heir to the throne?

Using both public-domain nature footage and pre-CGI computer animation, Infraterrestre suggests that 100 million years ago, aliens came to earth to, I guess, hibernate. And when strange beings awaken — off-screen, of course — they find a family on a desert road and vaporize them, save for the boy who’s urinating.

Meanwhile in the city, Santo fights Blue Panther in the ring. As Santo is almost down and out, he realizes his opponent is “perverse and evil” and uses “satanic forces” to take the mighty luchador to the mat. (Actually, it’s more like “alien forces,” but I guess “diabolical satanism” is okay; it’s probably interchangeable.)

While the soundalike version of a Ricky Martin tune plays in a lazy discotheque, a sleazy guy picks up two dancing ladies, only to find two black-clad men shooting ridiculous laser blasts and kidnapping them. I think. Luckily, the whole thing is watched by Santo on his 13-inch supercomputer. Also, in case you don’t know, he has a super car with jet propulsion, satellite tracking and a very South Beach look to his costume — Miami nice!

After finding the kidnapped boy, the humanoids finish the job; it’s up to Santo and his muy caliente psychiatrist, Alma, to locate the aliens and their subordinates, figure out their noncomprehensive plan, use some basic wrestling moves on the baddies, and jet off in their flimsy escape pod — all in some 90-odd minutes.

There are crusty visitors from a different world, sunglass-wearing beefy drones, a strongly possessed wrestler and a race of creepy reptilians, with Santo taking all comers — even if most of the movie takes place in dark sewers, with two guys playing a whole race of cold-blooded extraterrestrials, but, you know, whatever.

Sadly, it’s very low-budget and mostly scattershot, with the Son of Santo stoically playing the golden-hero role. With the exception of Diana Golden’s performance as Alma, the frightened doctor, it’s really not on par with the original Santo adventures; something integral is missing, whether the story, effects, costumes and so on … take your pick.

Truthfully, I guess there wasn’t enough capital to shock this series back into action. With all the impactful stories of this beloved hero, maybe one day, someone will try to recharge it again. —Louis Fowler

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The Incredibly Strange Features of Ray Dennis Steckler

After covering the filmographies of Herschell Gordon Lewis and Ted V. Mikels, Christopher Wayne Curry turns his completist’s eye to a more difficult subject with The Incredibly Strange Features of Ray Dennis Steckler. Certainly this is the only text to draw a dotted line between the director of Rat Pfink a Boo Boo and Luis Buñuel. After all, Steckler was the kind of low-low-budget filmmaker who thought nothing of ending a movie “with three characters the viewer knows and five they do not.”

Published by McFarland & Co., the book is a thorough examination of the man’s nearly 50-year outré oeuvre in — but mostly on the fringes of — Hollywood. As Curry puts it, “Hollywood was not answering and Steckler was tired of calling.”

Those aware of the psychotronic legend largely do so for his early pictures, including the Arch Hall Jr. vehicle Wild Guitar, the aforementioned accidental superhero spoof Rat Pfink a Boo Boo and the mouthful-titled, monster-musical madness from which Curry’s book takes the most opportune pun, The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?

The author takes readers through each in an amazing amount of detail, essentially scene by scene. This would be frustrating if not for Curry using the opportunity to weave in behind-the-scenes stories and facts, historical context, interview quotes and related minutiae all the while; thus, the effect is akin to listening to a solid DVD commentary, both informative and lively. Naturally, his own opinions play a great part. While Curry sees many of Steckler’s deficiencies as a plus, it’s hilarious when he doesn’t, as in his coverage of the padded slasher Blood Shack (aka The Chooper): “Simply put, there should never be protracted conversations about irrigation and filtered water in a horror film.”

A shameless self-promoter, Steckler (who died in 2009) would no doubt be overjoyed with being the focus of an entire book. But no doubt he’d be livid over the chapter devoted to the roughly 75% of his directorial career he not merely disowned, but denied: the dozens and dozens of hardcore pornos. Curry covers them all, but only in brief, because they’re so bad, they don’t merit, er, probing. (And considering how bad Steckler’s legit pics could get, that says a lot.)

Curry’s all-encompassing description of the X-rated fare says it best: “These films contain the usual humping, bumping and pumping, all of this augmented by mounds of unkempt curlys, arcing ropes of reproductive fluids, pimples, cold sores, in-grown hairs and lots of sweat. … The viewer’s sense of smell is spared, but for the eyes and earls it is an all-out assault.”

The book would not be complete without looking at this sordid bulk of Steckler’s work. Same goes for his oft-leading lady, the beautiful Carolyn Brandt (Body Fever), detailing Steckler’s marriage-wrecking infidelities. Without venom, Brandt sheds a light on their personal life to a degree of candidness I’ve not seen reported (not to mention shares a curious tidbit about Ilsa star Dyanne Thorne’s nipples). Curry deserves commendation for telling the whole story, proving a writer can show reverence without being disingenuous.

The only knock against the book is one of unavoidable timing: Severin Films’ recent Steckler box set, in which Curry participated, renders some of the contents out of date, in that projects regarded as lost no longer are. However, these are few and minor.

If you’ve never experienced the uniqueness of a Steckler film, you’re not ready for Incredibly Strange Features. For everyone else, it’s fascinating and fun. —Rod Lott

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Free to a Bad Home (2023)

After a woman is fatally shotgunned in her sleep, her belongings are dumped into a curbside cardboard box marked “Free to a Good Home.” Kameron and Scott Hale’s Free to a Bad Home follows a possessed ring plucked from said trashed stash as it moves from person to person to person, telling three stories in total.

Amy (Miranda Nieman) is given the ring in marriage, as the jewelry is surreptitiously swiped by her beau, even after watching her recoil by feeling “bitten” by trying on a necklace from the box. This intriguing-enough setup leads to undue padding and an anticlimactic conclusion.

Next, a burglar (Jake C. Young) finds the ring after silently exploring a targeted house for 10 minutes, flashlight in hand. Eventually, the ring is taken by his sister, Julia (Olivia Dennis), who heads to a costume party with three friends — cue an eight-minute drive, complete with eyedropper drugs. Once there, the ladies wander for eight more minutes before running across anything resembling a story point. That gives way to a lengthy monologue and more confusion than the scene’s neon-dream lighting can mitigate.

The cursed-object concept has been done before, none as ineffectually as Free to a Bad Home. As the previous two paragraphs hammered home, nearly nothing happens in the segment, individually or in total. Although the Hales found a credible method for threading one central character to the next, none is developed enough to merit focus. Each story seems to have been built with a clear beginning and desired ending, but little attention paid to plot the all-important middle. In concocting the passed-property gimmick, the Hales gave themselves a fuse they never get around to ignite. —Rod Lott

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Bimbo Movie Bash (1997)

Not so much a movie as it is an 80-minute montage, Bimbo Movie Bash cobbles together footage from about a dozen Z-grade sex-minded sci-fi flicks from Charles Band’s Full Moon catalog. The new “story” is nonsensical, only nominally about female aliens taking over the world. Even with added supers and overdubbing, that goal is never quite achieved, but disorganization may be part of the point.

Borrowing largely from Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death, Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000 and Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity, this Bash finds unwitting stars in video vixens Shannon Tweed, Michelle Bauer, Morgan Fairchild and Adrienne Barbeau. Nameless breast-baring semi-beauties dot the supporting cast, and the pathetic Joe Estevez is skewered with no mercy.

Although it comes off as a fairly juvenile experiment, co-directors Mike Mendez (Big Ass Spider!) and Dave Parker (The Hills Run Red) manage to create a few real laughs. Some jokes are tired, others futile, but the spliced result — like a living Mad magazine parody — offers just enough hits to compensate for its misses. —Rod Lott

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Vampus Horror Tales (2020)

On Halloween night, the elderly gravedigger Mr. Fettes — “Call me Vampus,” he says — shares his miserable existence with viewers of Vampus Horror Tales, not to mention four stories of stone-cold death.

Obviously inspired by the dawn of Spanish horror comics, the anthology film is shot lovingly in black and white. As the playful but murderous Vampus, Saturnino García (The Day of the Beast) introduces each tale. He seems to be filled with them, because after all, “Death is a business that never falls flat.”

Unfortunately, the first story sure does. “The Wedding” depicts a clandestine meeting between bride and groomsman in an escape room basement. What follows is a 20-minute conversation ending with a sputtered-engine twist not worth the wait. Afterward, a filter-free Vampus dismisses it as “submissive drivel,” and I agree.

The middle pair gives the collection its chewy center. “Birthday” follows two girls at a theme park, where a killer lurks the tracks of the stalled dark-ride attraction. The ladies-in-peril theme continues with “Second Date,” as a woman discovers her man-friend has an ulterior motive for bringing her to a quiet, remote cabin. Complicating her escape: She’s blind.

Finally, “Lineage” wonders what to do when someone you love falls victim to a vampire apocalypse. The answer fails to interest; worse, the premise does the same. I would have preferred to see the wax-museum interstitial at the onset be expanded into a full tale, as its brief life packs more of a punch. (Speaking of that setting, Vampus creator Victor Matellano revives the Paul Naschy “cameo” trick from his 2014 film, Wax, so keep your ears peeled.)

The host bits are more developed than your average horror omnibus, with rapid cuts that approximate the experience of comics’ panel-by-panel reading. More beholden to that medium than las películas, Vampus Horror Tales leans toward slicing and/or stabbing necks as a means of slaughter, presumably because it’s cheap for an indie production to pull off. (And on that note, I swear the crawl of closing credits is soundtracked by the “Rain Storm” setting on my phone’s White Noise app.). —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

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