Malum (2023)

I’ve not seen Anthony DiBlasi’s 2014 film, Last Shift, so I’m uncertain why he felt the need to remake it. I’d be shocked, though, if the original were as accomplished and spiderweb-sticky as Malum.

At the Lanford Police Department, it’s the first night for rookie officer Jessica Loren (Jessica Sula, 2016’s Split). At her request, she’s working the graveyard shift, in honor of her late cop father (Eric Olson). Before his tragic and unusual death, he was something of a reluctant hero after saving three young women from a cult leader (Chaney Morrow, 2021’s Wrong Turn reboot) whose homicidal followers fed their victims to pigs.

But who said those women wanted to be saved?

With hauntings and hallucinations galore, Malum (that’s Latin for “evil”) is one of those movies constantly toying with what’s real and what’s not. In the wrong hands, that can grow annoying to a viewer, but DiBlasi has a firm hold on the material and what works for each scene. This allows him to go whole-hog — pun not intended, but perfectly perfect — with fake-outs that keep Jessica and her sanity in a prolonged state of anxious doubt.

Although the ultimate reveals of the story hardly arrive as surprises, getting there is all the fun. With Clarke Wolfe (Deathcember) particularly, eerily convincing as one of the cult members. Given the loyalty nonsense she spouts, Morrow’s maniacal grin and visage, and the story and setting, Malum plays like Charles Manson’s Assault on Precinct 13.

DiBlasi impressed me with his first film, the 2009 Clive Barker adaptation Dread. With Malum, he’s a step away from joining horror’s big leagues. It boasts real scares, Hereditary-level disturbing imagery and, of course, the end credit “and introducing Yahtzee the Pig.” —Rod Lott

Get it on Amazon.

Followers (2021)

Befitting the inescapable social media and selfie culture it derides, the British-made Followers is instantly forgettable. Like a Snapchat, you watch it and — #poof! — it’s gone, snuffing itself out.

Although I hate to speak ill of the end, I doubt that’s what the late Marcus Harben had in mind for his first feature. He knew how to go about it, though, for economy’s sake: as found footage.

To view Followers is to be forced to, er, follow the YouTubed antics of the idiotic, immature, obnoxious Jonty Craig (Harry Jarvis, The Dare). Cap askew, the 19-year-old documents himself getting on the nerves of his college housemates — and hopefully into the bed of comely roomie Amber (Erin Austen, 2021’s The Kindred).

Jonty’s M.O. of pranks and other “influencer” BS undergoes a content overhaul when they discover the house is haunted. From a ghost in a laptop to all-out poltergeist havoc on the kitchen cupboards, Jonty’s thrilled for the exponential boost in likes and subscribers. Hell, he even gets sponsored!

Followers has the makings of a raucous, vicious satire, but not the drive to take the proper piss out of anyone. Too toothless to function as a comedy, too by-the-numbers to be scary, the movie Harben left is half-cooked — full of ideas without quite bringing a single one to fruition.

Unless one of those ideas was to have viewers abhor its lead character, in which case, well done, good sir. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

The Long Wait (1954)

In The Long Wait, Anthony Quinn gets his kicks on Route 66 — kicked by physics right out of a car after it careens off a cliff, that is. Although he survives, he emerges with a serious case of amnesia. Not only did his ID burn in the crash, but so did his fingerprints! He’s so desperate to discover who he is, he thumbs through the White Pages at random, hoping any name will trigger the necessary synapse.

A chance meeting results in a tip he’s from the town of Lyncaster, where he learns his name is Johnny McBride. Oh, and that he’s also wanted for murdering the district attorney. Despite not recalling a thing, McBride knows enough to know he couldn’t have committed such a crime. Could he? Only a woman named Vera West holds the key to unlock the vault that is his clouded noggin — if he can find her. And recognize her.

Based on the Mickey Spillane novel of the same generic name (the author’s lone non-Mike Hammer book for about a dozen years), The Long Wait followed the 3-D I, the Jury to theaters a year later, striking while the Spillane iron was still hot. A film noir that grows more stylish as it goes, The Long Wait is the better picture by far.

For starters, it has an accomplished director in Victor Saville (Dark Journey), who pulls off some real doozies of shots and sequences, adding a dab of the Impressionistic without being showy about it. One particular instance shows McBride standing where he used to work as a bank teller; Saville briefly frames Quinn (Across 110th Street) behind the counter’s bars, foreshadowing where our protagonist will end up if he can’t solve his own mystery.

Another ace up the film’s sleeve is co-scripter Lesser Samuels (rightly Oscar-nominated for Billy Wilder’s Ace in the Hole), adapting Spillane’s slim novel with equal thriftiness. Hammer-less though the movie may be, the signature character’s tough-guy vibe ably lives in spirit through McBride, who answers a “why” question with a curt, “I took a Gallup poll.”

This film arrived at Quinn’s post-Academy Award transition from supporting parts to leading man; with ink-black hair and eyebrows the size of XL caterpillars, his mere presence commands the screen. He gives the proto-Memento pic its stony heart, while Saville stacks the deck with four gorgeous women to provide the sizzle, with Jury forewoman Peggie Castle joining Shawn Smith, Mary Ellen Kaye and Dolores Donlon. Losing one’s memory has always been this dangerous, but never so sexy. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Steel (1997)

Hoopster Shaquille O’Neal’s efforts to become a matinee idol didn’t exactly pan out. The basketball drama Blue Chips didn’t score with moviegoers. What little audiences Kazaam had, it was one genie they wanted to put back in the bottle. And Steel, based upon a DC Comics character I hadn’t heard of until then, was too cheesy for the average action-seeking bear, not to mention too early, arriving before obscure, D-list superheroes became bankable. At least it’s watchable.

Shaq stars as John Henry Irons, a weapons specialist who quits the Army, only to find the deadly, sonic-boom tech he turned his back on has turned up in the hands of gangs on his hometown streets. It’s all about the Benjamins. Judd Nelson (Relentless) and his sneering nostrils fill the role of preppy villain, tailor-made for over-the-top hamminess — a bar Nelson easily clears.

To combat the undesirable element, Irons fashions himself a suit of bulletproof armor and carries a big-ass hammer, both made of steel. Hence, the name Steel. This would-be superhero is aided by his handicapable scientific genius/love interest Sparky (Annabeth Gish, Shag) and a white-bearded Richard Roundtree (1971’s Shaft). The latter thoroughly embarrasses himself by saying, “I’d boogie ’round that like a Soul Train dancer,” then doubles down with, “Well, dip me in shit and roll me in bread crumbs!”

As a writer and director, Kenneth Johnson is responsible for some of American television’s sharpest science-fiction series, including V, The Incredible Hulk and Alien Nation. But he’s also responsible for this dumb-as-rocks adaptation. Nonetheless, Steel manages to squeeze entertainment value from nearly its entire running time. Many references to fellow DC superheroes Superman and Batman are made, in between a running joke of Shaq’s character being unable to make a basket. A subplot hinges on whether Steel’s stereotypical granny can make a soufflé. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Video Bingo (1988)

WTF Video Bingo’s box promises “unlimited hours of fun.” For once, as people who shun the rules of grammar might say, the box don’t lie!

The premise is decidedly difficult, but thankfully, Best Film & Video hired an announcer to clear up any misunderstandings at the VHS tape’s beginning:
1. A combination of a letter and a number is called.
2. If you have such a square on your bingo card, you place a marker over that square.
3. Repeat until someone wins.

What’s not fun about that?

To make things even simpler, the two-hour video comes with the cards and markers — a smart move with you in mind, dear consumer.

I like the soothing calm of the voice of the unseen gent who calls out the bingo numbers. It’s as if he is whispering in my ear, “You’re going to win; I just know it!” or maybe, “Chin up, young man. It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game.”

In case you don’t know how to play, the handy photocopied dot-matrix instruction page in the box will help. One rule reads: “Carefully separate bingo cards.” I assume this is to here to avoid wrongful deaths that otherwise naturally occur during the card-distribution portion of the game.

You may notice the family on the box is having so much fun, they’re cheering. And why shouldn’t they? I’m here to tell you cheering is just one action you’ll experience when you get your mitts on a copy and gather the children. This is perhaps the best thing about Video Bingo, aside from enjoying this exciting game without having to leave your home and smell the old people. (Speaking of your own home, put the kids to bed and play Strip Bingo — your choice!)

Video Bingo is a winner, just like B-14 was for me! Order yours today before the next pandemic renders it as tough to track down as rolls of toilet paper.

O-64! N-37! I-24! G-52! Are you catching the fever yet? B-13! N-45! —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

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