The Ghost (1963)

If you like horror movies and are familiar with the films of Barbara Steele and don’t like them, go to your room right now. You’re in time out until I tell you it’s okay to rejoin the human race.

The Ghost was her fifth spook show and a sequel of sorts to the previous year’s The Horrible Dr. Hitchcock, also directed by Riccardo Freda. In this one, Elio Jotta co-stars as the paralyzed and dying Dr. H. His wife and her lover, Dr. Livingstone (Peter Baldwin), decide to bump him off so she can inherit his fortune and they can spend it.

But the not-so-good Dr. Hitchcock is no sooner in his tomb than he is out of it again, seemly haunting the couple, especially his wife. Such a waste of good poison, too.

Freda — who deserves to be remembered with Dario Argento, Mario Bava and Lucio Fulci — creates suspense with nothing more than sound, things you think you see, outstanding production design, Steele’s gorgeous face, and a budget of about $17. But come on, all you really need is Steele’s face.

If you don’t know her work, shame on you, but you can catch up with some of her early pictures, all easily available on DVD. Look for Black Sunday (1960), The Pit and the Pendulum (1961) and Castle of Blood (1964). No scream queen was ever better at facially registering a variety of emotions at once. Hell, no scream queen was ever better, period. —Doug Bentin

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Five Minutes to Live (1961)

Five Minutes to Live — aka Door-to-Door Maniac — stars singer Johnny Cash as Johnny Cabot, a two-bit crook who was framed when his partner dropped the dime on him during a warehouse job on the Jersey waterfront. After mowing down two coppers, Johnny bides time in a motel 2,000 miles away, waiting for the heat to subside.

Restless, he gets an offer from goodfella Fred Dorella, who’s got a score that’ll quench Johnny’s thirst for the juice. Dorella plans to walk right into the bank and ask for a $70,000 withdrawal from exec Mr. Wilson, while Johnny holds Mrs. Wilson for ransom at home. Progress will be updated in five-minute intervals via phone, but if Dorella doesn’t dial, Johnny is to ice her.

For a film released in ’61 starring legendary guitar slinger Cash, Five Minutes is edgy and hyperviolent. Cash is surprisingly convincing as the skittish menace. With his personal history, maybe some of that manic energy is pure method, with him howling the methamphetamine blues.

The script tries to add some nuance with a subplot involving Mr. Wilson having a fling. The marital unrest allows for a brief moment where the audience is led to question if the bank exec/hubby will play nice with the robbers’ demands. Unfortunately, all of that gets cancelled like a bad check by a bait-and-switch climax involving the couple’s kid and a sanitized (and outlandish) Hollywood ending, tacked on to realign the studio’s moral compass. Moviegoers know it’s okay to shoot someone … just to watch them die. —Joshua Jabcuga

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Passengers (2008)

Passengers plays like a mix of The Sixth Sense, Fearless (the airplane one, not the throat-kicking one) and all the bluish Crayons in the big box with the built-in sharpener. After a commercial jet crashes, grief counselor Claire (Anne Hathaway) is called in to talk to the passengers — hence the title!

They seem to differ on whether there was an explosion and other details. They also seem to disappear one by one, which may have something to do with the shadowy man who stalks them and appears outside the window. But, hey, what’s with the looniest of the bunch, this Eric fellow (Patrick Wilson)? He acts like he just stubbed his toe, not survived the opening of Lost!

Rodrigo García directs with a gloomy crispness that makes all of Canada look like an Architectural Digest spread, but the limp screenplay by Ronnie Christensen jumps from drama to mystery to romance to “how much longer does this have?” It’s not a thriller, as it’s generally classified.

The film is yet another that introduces a lazy twist ending, presented so shoddily it holds no surprise. García doesn’t so much build up to it as he does stumble into it. The actors are passable, but why does Hathaway always look like she just drank cherry Kool-Aid? And is it in Wilson’s contract to show his bare ass in every movie? —Rod Lott

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Invasion of the Star Creatures (1962)

WARNING: If a movie ever begins with the credit “R.I. Diculous Presents,” be afraid — be very afraid — because it’s Invasion of the Star Creatures, an utterly witless, laughless, 70-minute exercise in tedium, written by Little Shop of Horrors star Jonathan Haze, who writes as well as he acts.

It concerns two bumbling privates at a missile base, both of whom are short and have heavy Quentin Tarantino unibrows. They do pratfalls and have dumb dialogue, firmly planting the movie in what I call the “why I oughta” school of comedy — you know, the remedial kind.

They’re sent to investigate a radioactive crater in Nicholson Canyon, only to find a horde of star creatures (men with burlap sacks over their heads, ping-pong balls for eyes and twigs and leaves placed randomly about their tights) and, better yet, two bra-busting honeys named Poona (!) and Tanga (!!) from 60 million light years away who want to take over Earth and who wear skintight space suits that can’t quite contain their ass cheeks. They’re played by Gloria Victor and Dolores Reed — or, as the credits refer to them, “Wow!” and “Wow! Wow!”

But “Woof!” is a more appropriate word to sum up this dog. If you make it to the part where the boys start hanging out with the Indians who freak out at the very mention of the word “Custer,” you’re a braver man than I. —Rod Lott

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Drive-In Horrorshow (2009)

It ain’t Creepshow — heck, it ain’t Creepshow 2, either — but Drive-In Horrorshow is better than most of your no-budget indie features. The fright anthology’s tongue-in-cheek framing device is that a rundown, ill-attended drive-in staffed by monsters who show the five short features.

“Pig” finds a young woman taking revenge on the frat boy who drugged and violated her. “The Closet” houses a toothy creature that proves convenient for the little boy who feels wronged by his family members. “Fall Apart” centers around a flesh-eating virus, giving the film its best (read: sickest) effects, while “The Meat Man” and “The Watcher” fall into the subgenres of urban legends and slashers, respectively.

Director/co-writer Michael Neel gets an A for effort, but a C+ for execution, as the segments run a little longer than needed and are need of cutting to accelerate the pace. None are scary, unless you’re … oh, let’s say 10 or under, but will appeal to fans of DIY horror. It sure doesn’t skimp on the gore. Its end credits, however, assault your ears with horrible, terrible music. —Rod Lott

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