Jackie Brown (1997)

First impressions can be deceiving. I first saw Jackie Brown during its theatrical release and, coming three years after Quentin Tarantino’s revelatory Pulp Fiction, this two-and-a-half-hour follow-up seemed indulgent and sluggish. Even Tarantino’s agent at the time reportedly griped to Miramax execs after the premiere, “There’s the ultimate case for not giving the director final cut.”

But, like the two protagonists at the film’s crux, Jackie Brown improves greatly with age. Viewed far from the imposing shadow of Pulp Fiction, it stands as perhaps Tarantino’s most emotionally meaty work, as soulful as The Delfonics and Bobby Womack songs that punctuate its soundtrack.

That doesn’t mean it isn’t also a hell of a lot of fun, brimming with dark humor, film-geek references, show-off set pieces and Tarantino’s patently quirky dialogue. Most notable, however, is that the writer/director snags outstanding performances from two beloved icons of 1970s B movies: Pam Grier and Robert Forster.

Based on Elmore Leonard’s Rum Punch, the crime thriller takes off when L.A. baddie Ordell Robbie (Samuel L. Jackson in full-on badass mode) whacks an underling (a mercifully quick appearance by Chris Tucker) before the guy can turn informant. A series of circumstances leads to Jackie Brown (Grier), a down-on-her-luck flight attendant who is one of Ordell’s smugglers. All this and Robert De Niro taking bong hits with Bridget Fonda’s leggy surfer girl.

Grier is smart, sexy and dangerous in the title role, but for my money, it’s Forster who damn near steals the picture as Max Cherry, a world-weary bail bondsman whose fate bumps into Ordell and Jackie. Forster makes plain, no-frills decency seem downright cool, and his performance — even-keeled, relaxed, laconic — is pitch perfect. —Phil Bacharach

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Loose Screws (1985)

The second film in Canadian director Rafal Zielinski’s immortal Screwballs trilogy (Screwballs and Screwball Hotel round out the series, which does not include the crassly retitled Colleen Camp vehicle Screwball Academy), Loose Screws is less a sequel than an updated remake of the ’60s-set original, featuring the same character archetypes, but only two of the original actors.

In Screwballs, we watched as four different kinds of douchebags (cool, rich, nerdy and fat) competed to see who would be the first to behold the unclad body of gorgeous class prude Purity Busch, despite the fact that they seemed to find naked female bodies everywhere they went. In Loose Screws, we watch those same douchebags compete to see who will be the first to bed hot French teacher Mona Lott (presumably no relation to our humble editor), while also earning points for all of the other naked bodies they connive to uncover.

Both films conclude with the four plucky young assholes coming together to unclothe the objects of their desire in front of large audiences. In the first film, they use magnets; in the second, an unspecified gaseous aphrodisiac.

If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to quickly shake the film’s frequently miserable attempts at comedy and come away knowing that a surprising amount of attractive Canadian women were willing to appear nude for the sake of art in 1985. Beyond that, Loose Screws remains memorable only for its two strange attempts at musical numbers, both of which are just inexplicable enough to stay with you for far longer than the film itself deserves. —Allan Mott

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Terror Train (1980)

When I was a child, Terror Train freaked me out. Today, I realize there’s nothing scary about it, outside of a creepy Groucho Marx mask, an overabundance of disco tunes, and hairdos as misbegotten as the truly awful dialogue. Still, the movie’s enjoyable enough as a partially derailed example of the ’70s’ slasher craze.

Basically Halloween on a train, but with the menacing suspense left behind at the station, this choo-choo chiller details what happens (bad things!) when a bunch of asshole college seniors embark on a coke-and-booze-fueled train trip, complete with David Copperfield doing a magic show. They all wear Halloween costumes, even though it’s New Year’s Eve.

Smart, they’re not. Especially because that nerdy pledge they humiliated with a mean prank four years ago is all aboard for revenge. They made him think he was gonna make it with Jamie Lee Curtis, but had a corpse waiting instead. So he dons mask after mask and goes bonkers with a big ol’ knife.

In an unrated cut, Terror Train might have real bite. As is, it’s more of a curiosity than ticket-punching winner. Jamie Lee doesn’t even get much to do, but the third-act sequence with her in a conductor’s cage is the only set piece that approaches real fright. It leaves big questions in terms of plot holes and logic, plus the burning “Will they cast Criss Angel for the inevitable remake?” —Rod Lott

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Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)

Once or twice in a life span, a movie comes along that grabs your eyeballs by the lapels and kicks them right in the nuts. It’s something that, once experienced, is never forgotten. Such a movie is Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. I’ll wait while check out the trailer below to see if I’m making this up.

Back now? Satisfied?

It’s almost time for the End of Days, but before Jesus and his Old Man can crank up the Judgment Juggernaut, the junior member has to find out why the vampires of Ottawa are kidnapping and killing lesbians. Jesus enlists the aid of his two fighting Holy Rollers — Mary Magnum and the Mexican luche libre wrestler El Santo — and, as the film’s tagline has it, “The Power of Christ Impales You!”

Billed as a “kung-fu action/comedy/horror/musical about the second coming,” JCVH is one for the (rock of) ages. Directed by Lee Demarbre, the picture can’t be accused of having low production values because it has no production values at all. Non-actor Phil Caracas has the title role, and if Jesus ever looked down from his Throne of Gold at people on Earth and laughingly mumbled “you assholes,” he was probably catching a midnight screening of this movie.

As a side note, I’d never heard of El Santo, a real guy and a hero in Mexico, until I saw this flick. I was incomplete before that day. Now I’m too complete for my own good. —Doug Bentin

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Seoul Raiders (2005)

This good, but not-as-good sequel to 2001’s Tokyo Raiders again centers on all-around good-guy private eye Tony Leung. He’s the only holdover from the previous Mission: Impossible-style Asian actioner. Here, Tony retrieves counterfeit American currency plates from enemy hands, intent on returning them to U.S. hands, but immediately finds himself duped and pursued by bad guy Richie Ren.

No fear, however, as Tony is aided by too-cute Transporter baggage Shu Qi and a bevy of thinly drawn beauties. Expect great action and style to burn. Don’t expect lucidity. Seoul Raiders grows tiresome in its final third, but overall, it’s fun enough, and Leung is nothing if not charismatic. —Rod Lott

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