The Avengers (1998)

So laid-back and limey that I can understand why all Americans hated it, The Avengers adaptation is simply misunderstood. It’s a decent movie as long as you know what to expect: the most British movie ever made by an American studio. Then again, the iconic 1960s TV series never went over all that well here, either, so I don’t know why the film’s reception would be any different.

Ralph Fiennes and Uma Thurman — he of the bowler hat, she of the catsuit — star as secret agents John Steed and Emma Peel. Prim, proper and pernicious, they join forces to take down Sir August de Wynter (Sean Connery), maniacal designer of contraptions to control the world’s weather for handsome profits. While the UK sees torrential rainfall and mammoth tornadoes, our Avengers take time out for tea and macaroons.

De Wynter has a Peel clone on his side, as well as a group of thugs encased in teddy bear costumes every color of the rainbow. As absurd as this is, it has nothing on an attack by robotic killer beecopters or the brief (non)appearance of original Steed Patrick Macnee, now cameoing as the agency’s invisible archivist.

Although it doesn’t play as well as it thinks it does, The Avengers is still worthy entertainment. At a scant 90 minutes, it asks little of you to invest. Sadly, a lot of what director Jeremiah Chechik (National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation) shot — the most curvaceous scenes of Uma in that sexy suit included — hit the cutting-room floor. I’d like to think someday this will thrive as a cult item, but for now, it remains pegged as a creative catastrophe on the level of 1997’s Batman & Robin — a comparison most unfair. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Motion Detected (2023)

Maybe it’s just me, but if I had escaped the clutches of a serial killer named El Diablo, then fled to a new locale for safety, the last house I would move into would be the one with a security system from a company named Diablo Controls. That would go double if said company used a devil’s head for its logo. And triple if the place’s previous tenants disappeared without a trace.

Yet that’s exactly what the remarkably dumb spouses at the center of Motion Detected do, which instantly puts the movie on terra not-so-firma. So dunderheaded are they throughout, I wouldn’t be surprised if the next-door neighbor turned out to be the guy from The Break-In. Hey, there’s suspension of disbelief; then there’s something called a second draft.

Emma (Natasha Esca, TV’s Narcos: Mexico) and Miguel (Carlo Mendez, Bitch Slap) constitute the aforementioned couple. Their new abode spots the Diablo system — one so advanced, it can sense residents’ heart rate and analyze their dreams. Quoth Emma, “I can’t figure out if this thing’s going to protect me or if it’s going to kill me.” Famous last words …

… except many more have yet to come. Motion Detected makes for a long 80 minutes, especially after Miguel bolts for a biz trip, leaving Emma stuck at home — and often in the home, like a rape-free Demon Seed scenario. Viewers are abandoned, too, on an idle path of circuitousness events: Miguel calls “mi amor” to say he has to stay an extra day or two; the Diablo alarm goes off; Emma investigates and talks to herself; repeat. This might jolt some juice if the movie’s prologue didn’t literally give up the ghost.

Culminating in a laughable scene even the most misguided Twilight Zone imitator wouldn’t settle for, Motion Detected barely moves. In their first feature, co-directors Justin Gallaher and Sam Roseme at least can deflect a chunk of blame to their screenwriters: Justin Gallaher and Sam Roseme. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Outpost (2022)

Fleeing an abusive relationship, Portland restaurateur Kate (Beth Dover) jumps states and lifestyles, volunteering for a three-month stint as a fire tower lookout in the forests of Idaho.

Like a certain big-city, alcoholic writer transplanting the fam to overlook an empty Colorado hotel for the winter, Kate is out of her element, but insistent the silence is what she needs. Until the silence gets the best of her and brings out the worst in her. As a retired doctor in town (Dylan Baker, Trick ’r Treat) warns, “There’s no peace in nature.”

That one line serves as Outpost’s thesis, which writer/director Joe Lo Truglio sees through to its end. Yes, Joe Lo Truglio, the bug-eyed goofball of TV’s The State and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. As his fellow comedians have proved in recent years, from Jordan Peele’s Get Out to Zach Creggar’s Barbarian, funny guys have a knack for cracking the code of horror. I don’t know how or why they do, but to work, both those genres require perfect timing. Lo Truglio proves he has that.

Visually confident and with excellent support from Blood Diamond’s Ato Essandoh and My Friend Dahmer’s Dallas Roberts as Kate’s fellow rangers, Outpost is a pleasantly unpleasant surprise. Even for the desensitized, some scenes of terror land with the force of an ax. Although its ultimate destination is preordained (thanks in large part to its marketing), some of the turns it takes can shock.

Lo Truglio casting his wife in the lead role may have been a budgetary necessity, but Dover more than earns the showcase. Her name unknown to me until now (I never watched Orange Is the New Black), she qualifies as a revelation as Kate, a complicated character who’s believable even when she’s not all that likable. Their movie sure as hell is. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Ghost Mansion (2021)

Desperate for inspiration after a flop, manga creator Jung Ji Woo (Sung Joon, The Villainess) visits Gwang Lim Mansion, a supposedly cursed apartment building. Some people, like first-time writer/director Jo Ba-reun, might call this a Ghost Mansion. (It’s also known as The Grotesque Mansion and, yawn, The Night Shift.)

As the caretaker shares, the place was an orphanage, until the day all the kids perished in a fire. Even since, the rooms are home to strange occurrences, five of which constitute this solid South Korean horror anthology.

For example, a novelist finds his creative juices sucked dry by the distraction of ghost kids and their damn, dirty, discarded tennis shoes. A pharmacist using the place for trysts with her boyfriend learns she’s dating the wrong man — as in, definitely married and possibly a murderer. And a heist is planned on a cult’s rumored safe.

Ghost Mansion’s most successful tales stand tall, back to back and right in the middle. In one, a lonely real estate agent lives with his sex doll and, this being K-horror, a hair-clogged sink. Immediately following, a student back from abroad crashes with a childhood friend with pustules all over his face and mold wallpapering the place. Junji Ito would be proud.

Each neatly compact, the stories don’t wear out their welcome. Even those steeped in Korean folklore and traditions translate with no problem. Rarer, the framing device comes fully formed and built with cleverly curated bits of overlap. hard to believe this is a freshman outing for Ba-reun as a writer, but especially as a director.

Oh, yeah: Several parts are authentically freaky, too. —Rod Lott

Killer Kites (2023)

As memorably harmonized by The Free Design, kites are fun. But they’re not that fun. And so it is with Killer Kites, a decent but ultimately self-immolating creature-feature parody from the makers of the more enjoyable Sewer Gators. This follow-up marks the third movie within the BPU, aka the “Brock Peterson Universe,” so named (by me, just now) for director/producer Paul Dale’s recurring role as an obnoxious TV news reporter.

Also reappearing, albeit in a different role, is leading lady Manon Pages. Here, she’s Abby, whose brother is killed is by a kite passed down from their dead grandfather. (Just roll with it.) Perhaps a visit to the Kuntz Yeast Bread Festival can clear up what’s going on? A total goof with purposely awful effects to poke fun at Birdemic, that’s what, with a few Twin Peaks homages thrown in. The more you’re familiar with those, the more you’re in tune with the movie.

Dale and co-director/writer Austin Frosch exhibit good-natured humor even when the jokes are rimshot-ready bad. To wit:

Abby: “You just want to get in my pants.”
Daniel: “Please, Abby, I can’t fit into those.”

As witnessed in a training montage and semi-buried in-jokes (like “PUT STRING HERE” seen amid the thumbtacked pages and photos on a crazed character’s clichéd wall o’ research), the players seem to be having a ball. Not all of it transfers as well as Sewer Gators did — even Pages seems a little uncomfortable compared to last time — but how many other movies dare to depict kite attacks in 1956 Berlin? —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

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