Horror

[Rec] (2007)

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So maybe you saw the 2008 American horror movie Quarantine and thought it was pretty good. Even then, I knew it was a remake of a Spanish film called [Rec]. Now I’ve seen the original and while I still think Quarantine is okay, I’m here to tell you that [Rec] is a 24-carat-solid-gold, plow-pulling, lottery-winning, mind-melting pants-pisser. I jumped out of my skin so often, I’m not sure I can get it back on again.

Manuela Velasco stars as Angela Vidal, one of those cute and perky TV reporterettes who get all the cat-stuck-in-tree human interest stories. She and her cameraman, Pablo (heard, but unseen real cinematographer Pablo Rosso), are doing a piece on what firefighters do when they’re not fighting fires, and this night, they’re called to an aging apartment building because some old woman is frighteningly sick. Like, she wants to bite people and rip large chunks of flesh off and devour them.

And then the corpses she leaves behind become reanimated and pick up her bad habits. And the cops show up, bringing the Army with them, and they seal off the building and won’t let anyone out.

As with the remake, [Rec] is shown to us through Pablo’s camera, so there’re a lot of jittery images, but it works better because co-directors Jaume Balaquero and Paco Plaza make the camera a character and not just a cinematic gimmick. The explanation of the insta-plague is also different in Spanish, and much spookier. Even the language works for non-Spanish speakers because it adds to the confusion.

I’ve never been to Spain, but I kinda like the horror. So will you. —Doug Bentin

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Comedy

The Amazing Dobermans (1976)

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Until recently, the Doberman movies of the 1970s represented that rarest of film franchises: a series I didn’t even know existed. Indies all directed by one Byron Chudnow, they walk a weird line between comedies and crime films, all featuring Doberman Pinschers trained to commit and/or thwart felonies. Ostensibly family pictures, they’re kind of weird; therefore, I love them.

Following The Doberman Gang and The Daring Dobermans — in which the dogs robbed a bank and pulled off a high-rise heist, respectively — the five canines return in The Amazing Dobermans as guard dogs to freelancing security expert Daniel (Fred Astaire), an ex-con turned Jesus freak who lives in an RV. Daniel does no dancing, but plenty of Scripture-quoting and, via a chunky remote control with buttons marked “jump” and “go,” dog manipulation.

Crossing their paths is Lucky (James Franciscus), who owes $13,000 in gambling debts to a mob boss, but is really a Justice Department agent undercover. To that end, Lucky befriends a circus midget named Samson (Billy Barty), gets a job shoveling elephant poo, and falls for Justice (Barbara Eden), who rides Wonder Horse under the big top in a bejeweled bikini that highlights her great ass.

From there, a third-act caper takes place that involves the Dobermans, dynamite, an armored car and a goon who looks Gene Shalit. Like the two films preceding it, Amazing is harmless fun. What else would you expect from a movie where one of the bad guys is played by somebody named Roger Pancake? —Rod Lott

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Documentary

Wisconsin Death Trip (1999)

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Between 1890 and 1900, a plague of bad luck and madness settled over the area around Black River Falls, Wis., about 68 miles west of Plainfield, Ed Gein’s stomping ground. Based on Michael Lesy’s book, Wisconsin Death Trip is a documentary that tells the story of dangerous, eccentric, insane happenings of that time and place.

I especially like the story of the farmer who committed suicide by digging a small hole in the ground, placing a stick of dynamite in it, lighting the fuse and then lying down with his head over the hole. And there’s former schoolteacher Mary Sweeney, aka the Wisconsin Window Smasher, who traversed the state several times, breaking panes when the mania came upon her to do so. One trip cost window-owners over $50,000. Locals are continually being hauled off to the Mendota Asylum, from which they frequently escape by just walking away or, more drastically, by hanging themselves.

Many of the film’s visuals are derived from period photos taken by Charles Van Schaik, including a lot of children in their coffins, and the narration by Ian Holm comes entirely from newspaper articles and obituaries of the time. Many of the incidents are re-created using actors.

This is easily one of the most unusual pictures you will ever see, but don’t expect a lightning pace or answers to your questions. No one seems to have figured out what was going on, beyond economic hard times and real estate sellers who lied to the under-educated Norwegian immigrants about the value of the land they bought sight unseen. And maybe lead in the water. This is one creepy movie. —Doug Bentin

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Thriller

11 Harrowhouse (1974)

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If you happen to be a member of my demographic, chances are the words “Charles Grodin,” “sexy blonde” and “diamond heist” lead you to think of only one movie. Yes, The Great Muppet Caper is awesome and probably the best example of the Muppets’ cinematic oeuvre. That said, it turns out those very same words can be applied to another film — you just have to imagine Candice Bergen in the place of Miss Piggy.

11 Harrowhouse stars Grodin (who also scripted) as a small-time diamond broker who is hired by Trevor Howard to buy and cut a stone worth $1 million. His entry into the big time is cut short, however, when he and his wealthy, widowed girlfriend, Bergen, are robbed before they can deliver the jewel.

Unwilling to accept her help to pay back the money he owes, Grodin decides to relieve John Gielgud and the market-controlling “System” of their hidden stash of diamonds, with the help of a cancer-stricken James Mason and a painted cockroach.

As directed by Aram Avakian, 11 Harrowhouse moves with a confident, restrained sophistication currently absent in present-day productions. Grodin’s work on the script is clearly evident in his character’s narration and the film’s dry, but often hilarious humor (Bergen especially benefits from the lines she’s given). The heist itself is simple, but ingenious, and bears better scrutiny than those found in similar films.

A genuine underrated classic, this is the kind of movie that keeps you smiling hours after it has ended. —Allan Mott

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