Little Darlings (1980)

Little Darlings is a film that could reasonably only have been made in the period that marked the end of the ’70s and the beginning of the ’80s. This is because, like American Pie, Little Darlings is a film about teenagers making a bet to see who will be the first to lose their virginity, but unlike American Pie, it’s teenage girls who are depicted making this life-lesson-in-the-making wager.

That distinction should be enough to scare studios away from remaking it, but what truly makes it a product of its time is an earnestness and sincerity that bears no relation to the kind of movies Hollywood makes in today’s cultural climate, where 15-year-olds are allowed to dress like porn stars, so long as their hands sport a purity ring. Little Darlings is a flawed film, but one which approaches its potentially icky plot with far more care and respect than you’d ever assume based on description alone.

In what amounted to a 1980 casting coup, the film stars Academy Award winner Tatum O’Neal and two-time Emmy winner, Kristy McNichol (who just happened to be my first celebrity crush when I was 8 years old) as the titular darlings. O’Neal is Ferris, the rich girl, and McNichol is Angel, the tough girl; they quickly become summer-camp rivals and compete to “become women” by pursing Armand Assante and Matt Dillon, respectively.

Darlings‘ two female screenwriters clearly were interested more in Angel, as her story gets much more screen time, to the point that Ferris almost becomes a supporting character, but that’s probably a good thing since McNichol’s performance is the highlight and by far the best reason to search for what has now become a difficult film to find, despite its original box-office success. —Allan Mott

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Delta Force 2 (1990)

There are two kinds of Chuck Norris films. The first create a decent enough entertainment around His Holy Beardness by surrounding him with actors capable enough to distract the audience from the immovable post that is Grimace Highkicky, such as Code of Silence or Lone Wolf McQuade. The other kind allows Fisty Hardcheese to carry the heft of the film on his own charisma, leading us down a jagged path of despair to Hero and the Terror and The Hitman.

I’ve never seen the original Delta Force, but considering its cast includes George Kennedy (!), Robert Vaughn (!!), Robert Forster (!!!) and Lee Fuckin’ Marvin (!!!!!), I figure it must, at its worst, be an enjoyable shoot-’em-up. By comparison, Delta Force 2 has Billy Drago annnnddd … that’s it. Give Drago some credit: His performance as a drug lord is so ridiculously oily, he becomes not only the highlight of the film, but the only reason to see it.

Directed by Aaron Norris (favorite bro of Bristle McSoloflex, and as fine a director as his sib is an actor), Delta Force 2 finds Punch Rockgroin leading some kind of anti-terrorist group, a leader so magnetic that no backstory or character development is necessary. After a friend is killed by Drago, The Beard with No Name works out his rage by kicking the snot out of his men in a training exercise and then traveling to South America for revenge, backed by the U.S. government.

Much poorly choreographed shooting and roundhouse kicking follows. If nothing else, Delta Force 2 serves as a primer for right-wing darling McFootinyourface’s nuanced understanding of U.S. foreign policy.

Fun fact: Chuck Norris is the only man alive with less facial expressions than Steven Seagal. —Corey Redekop

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Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva (2009)

Archeologist, puzzle solver and true gentleman Professor Layton jumps from the Nintendo DS to the movies in the animated feature Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva. The Japanese film is pegged as an early adventure of the prof (Christopher Robin Miller, who’s voiced the role in some of the games) and his “apprentice No. 1,” Luke (Maria Darling, ditto), the scrappy youth who handles his mentor’s letters and tea.

Beginning with a locked-room mystery for a prologue, the story takes shape as a concert hall full of performers and patrons alike — including a football player and an Agatha Christie-esque author — magically disappear and are thrown into a game of adventure, where the stakes are high and the winner gets — or so they’re told — the gift of eternal life.

Along the way, the group faces sharks on a ocean voyage, an island rife with hungry wolves, and a castle filled with labyrinthian tunnels, through which they’re pursued by phantom-masked henchmen. It’s cute, enjoyable and better than your average anime, for which director Masakazu Hashimoto has been responsible in the past.

Other than clean character and set design, two things set Eternal Diva apart, even if the movie is ultimately inconsequential. One is the element of steampunk that’s infused into its latter half. The other is, of course, the puzzles that Professor Layton and the others encounter. It makes the lead character appealing as a Sherlock Holmes for pint-sized audiences … and their parents. —Rod Lott

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No Time for Sergeants (1958)

Thanks to his legendary TV portrayals of Andy Taylor and Ben Matlock, everyone associates Andy Griffith with the small screen, but movie buffs would be wise to make the effort to seek out the films he made before he became everyone’s favorite single dad/small-town sheriff. Chances are, you’re at least familiar with his dramatic debut in Elia Kazan’s A Face in the Crowd (where his dark performance as TV host Larry “Lonesome” Rhodes is more frightening now than it was in 1957), but you’d do just as well to begin with the following year’s service comedy No Time for Sergeants.

A film adaptation of a play based on a book, No Time for Sergeants casts Griffith as Will Stockdale, a poor Georgia farm boy drafted into the Air Force. Like Forrest Gump after him, Stockdale has a knack for transcending his ignorance and the cynicism of those surrounding him, jumping serenely from situation to situation with a goofy smile on his face, while everyone else in his vicinity suffers for their sins. No one suffers more than his sergeant, Orville King (Myron McCormick in an Oscar-worthy comedic performance), whose longing for a nice, quiet life is constantly shattered by Stockdale’s innocent shenanigans.

If this sounds familiar, it’s because Griffith used the concept as the basis for his Mayberry spin-off Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C., in which Jim Nabors’ mechanic character assumed the Stockdale role. Watching No Time for Sergeants, however, it’s clear that Griffith was better-suited to play the part.

The movie’s stage roots remain evident throughout, but this does little to lessen its enormous entertainment value. The talented cast (which includes Don Knotts in one scene that pairs him for the first time with his future TV partner) easily rises above some of the film’s more predictable set pieces, earning genuine laughs. —Allan Mott

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