The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)

Did we need to know how Leatherface acquired his trusty power tool? No. Did I mind having the tale told anyway? Eh, not really, although The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning so closely follows the machinations of its 2003 big brother (itself a remake of Tobe Hooper’s 1974 splatter classic), it’s nearly as much as a remake as it is the prequel it proclaims.

The 1939 prologue depicts the birth of Leatherface in, appropriately enough, a slaughterhouse. Abandoned in a Dumpster, the baby is rescued by the Hewitt family, whose Uncle Charlie (R. Lee Ermey, Full Metal Jacket) understandably opines, “That’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Fast-forward to July 1969, the era of Vietnam, where four friends (more or less headed by Jordana Brewster of The Fast and the Furious franchise) in a van find themselves stranded in the middle of nowhere, then at the mercy of a crazed clan of rednecks who live in a spooky house. The big guy carries a chain saw. Sound familiar? It should, right down to the climactic family dinner, with the only key difference being Leatherface not possessing his grisly mask of flesh until he carves it away from one of his victims. Oh, so that’s how he got that … whew! Mystery solved!

Director Jonathan Liebesman (Wrath of the Titans) shoots things so handheld, the film itself risks suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome. The proceeding are too shaky, too dimly lit and too routine, yet there’s a lot to be said for watching Diora Baird (Wedding Crashers) bouncing around as she flees. —Rod Lott

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Roger Corman’s Frankenstein Unbound (1990)

In B-movie king Roger Corman’s last directorial effort to date, Frankenstein Unbound, L.A.-based scientist Dr. Buchanan (John Hurt, Alien) hits a “time slip” caused by testing his latest weapon, thus transporting him back to 19th-century Geneva, where the monstrous creature (Nick Brimble, Little John of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves) created by Dr. Frankenstein (Raul Julia, The Addams Family) is running loose and killing people.

Buchanan drives around the primitive village in his computerized super car, trying to end the reign of the monster, who at one point pulls a guy’s heart out and shows it to the poor guy just before he drops dead. Somehow, Buchanan still finds time to get inside the corset of Mary Shelley (Bridget Fonda, Jackie Brown). “Percy and Byron preach free love,” she says. “I practice it.” Bo-i-i-ing!

Bizarrely, Buchanan and the monster team up to get the car in another time slip, in a scene that recalls both Back to the Future and TV’s Knight Rider. That’s kind of the uneasy mix that floats in and out of this one. Put good actors in front of Corman’s camera and his proficiency as a director can be seen. Based on the 1973 Brian Aldiss novel of the same name, Unbound is unusual, colorful and sometimes cool. Although it lags in its dream sequences, Corman’s take on the tale is better than Kenneth Branagh’s more straightforward one just a few years later. —Rod Lott

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Club Dread (2004)

In Club Dread, the once-promising comedy troupe Broken Lizard’s follow-up to the stoner-beloved Super Troopers, an island paradise turns into a blood-soaked nightmare when a machete-wielding killer interrupts a vacation of sun, sex and suds.

A game Bill Paxton stars as Coconut Pete, a drug-addled Jimmy Buffet-like singer who runs the getaway spot, with the unmemorable members of Broken Lizard serving as his staff, including a tennis pro, a DJ, the “fun police” and a fat masseuse who can give women orgasms just by touching a certain spot above their upper lip. One by one, members of the staff meet gruesome deaths at the hands (which hold a very sharp blade) of the unknown murderer.

It’s a spoof of splatter films, but by the second act, it threatens to become the very thing it parodies. By the third, it does. As with the overrated Super Troopers, it’s on-and-off fun, but highly flawed. A couple of the jokes are brilliant, while many more are absolutely infantile. There’s the same problem with flow and tone, but here, at least they try to make up for it by throwing in the bare breasts of Cabin Fever babe Jordan Ladd. There’s also a monkey. —Rod Lott

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The People That Time Forgot (1977)

Following 1975’s hit Edgar Rice Burroughs adaptation of The Land That Time Forgot, the sequel, The People That Time Forgot, is markedly better, with more action, more adventure, more dinosaurs and the added bonus of snakes, spiders and genuine cavegirl jiggle! Also based on a Burroughs work, it opens with an expedition headed to the land that time forgot in order to save Doug McClure’s ass. Heading up the search party is his pal, Patrick Wayne (son of John Wayne, and star of Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger), and Superman II’s Sarah Douglas is a photographer along for the ride.

They enter the land not via sub, but biplane, which is immediately attacked by a pterodactyl. After landing, Douglas plays a cruel trick on Wayne that’ll leave you hoping the bitch gets eaten first. Then, in the jungle, they meet a curvy cavegirl (Dana Gillespie, Hammer’s The Lost Continent) whose outfit tests the bounds of the PG rating. Among all of The People That Time Forgot, hers is the cleavage I’ll never forget.

Soon they stumble upon McClure, pulling a Chuck Heston-style cameo in a subplot with a distinct Planet of the Apes vibe, as our heroes are menaced by an army of masked missing links with swords on horseback and who live in a mountaintop cave shaped like a giant skull.

Yeah, it ends with another run-from-the-lava finale, but People isn’t the same movie as Land. With very little setup required, it sprints through 90 minutes with imagination, fun and chest-baring eye candy. —Rod Lott

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