I have never seen Steven Spielberg’s Jaws, but I have seen Bruno Mattei’s Cruel Jaws close to 10 times. While I know that might make me a terrible cinephile, I have to counter with this question: Does Jaws end with the mayor getting pushed into a body of water by a wisecracking seal? I didn’t … Continue reading Cruel Jaws (1995)
When her estranged brother vanishes while looking for life-extending pharmaceuticals in an abandoned mine in the Chinese desert, venomous animal expert Dr. Jia Le (Li Bingbing, The Meg) joins a team to find him. Leading the charge is the brother’s boss (Kelsey Grammer, The Expendables 3), co-founder of the biotech firm for which the siblings’ … Continue reading 7 Guardians of the Tomb (2018)
With just $6,257.34, Bad CGI Sharks does what the underwhelming fin-fronted film The Meg couldn’t do with $130 million: Be incredibly entertaining. Matt (Matthew Ellsworth) loses his office job when he loses his cool, thanks to receiving after-the-fact news that Mom and Dad have shipped his no-good older brother to California to live with him. … Continue reading Bad CGI Sharks (2019)
Displaying the lens-flared glaze of your grandmother’s favorite CBS prime-time procedural, Warner Bros.’ direct-to-video Deep Blue Sea 2 swims into sharksploitation-friendly waters … and sinks straight to the ocean floor. Directed by Darin Scott (Tales from the Hood 2), the belated sequel to Renny Harlin’s 1999 hit arrives with a title sequence that thinks it’s … Continue reading Deep Blue Sea 2 (2018)
Jaws wasn’t even a year old when NBC debuted Shark Kill on May 20, 1976, making the telefilm likely the first contestant in the still-ongoing sharksploitation sweepstakes. And that’s about all William A. Graham’s (Beyond the Bermuda Triangle) cash-in has going for it. At an oil rig under repair in the Pacific Ocean, young marine … Continue reading Shark Kill (1976)