The Tall Target (1951)

The Tall Target takes place on the eve of President-elect Abraham Lincoln’s inauguration, but don’t let its 1861 setting fool you. This crime drama, loosely based on an actual plot to kill Lincoln, is more film noir than period piece, albeit with bushy mustaches and talk of secession replacing fedoras and hard-boiled dialogue.

But I digress. Dick Powell stars as New York police Sgt. John Kennedy – yes, John Kennedy (cue the conspiracy mongers) – who has caught wind of a plot to assassinate Lincoln shortly before the inauguration in Washington. Problem is, Kennedy’s supervisor doesn’t believe him, or even much care. Unable to get word to the incoming president, the intrepid detective boards a Baltimore-bound train where he plans to meet up with his partner and track down the assassin he believes is on board.

The conspiracy is already afoot. Kennedy discovers his partner has been murdered, and Kennedy’s seat is now occupied by a burly imposter claiming to be Kennedy. Luckily our hero knows another passenger, Army Col. Caleb Jeffers. The colonel promises to help Kennedy stop the plot but, then again, Jeffers is played by Adolphe Menjou, and anyone who has seen Adolphe Menjou in an old movie knows he is not to be trusted.

Director Anthony Mann helmed solidly made film noirs and Westerns, and Tall Target finds a compelling sweet spot between the two genres. Mann keeps things brisk and lean – the lack of a music score heightens the tension – and thick with paranoia. With the country on the verge of civil war, the film vividly builds an atmosphere where corruption is pervasive and tempers are simmering. It also benefits from a strong cast, particularly Leif Erickson as the bogus John Kennedy and a young Ruby Dee as a slave traveling with a brother-sister combo from the South. —Phil Bacharach

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The House by the Cemetery (1981)

Have you ever noticed that many of the children in Italian horror films are just as unappealing as the grotesque monster attacking them?

In his flick The House by the Cemetery, director Lucio Fulci puts yet another thoroughly unlikable brat through the rigor-mortis ringer by having him not only being trapped in a house by a cemetery, but one where the confusing zombie Dr. Freudstein — tell me about your mother, Mr. Fulci — is stalking and slashing its inhabitants with psychotic abandon.

Dr. Freudstein, by the way, is a 150-year-old medical man whose guts are filled with maggots and grue. He was notorious for performing human experiments that are apparently still going on, mostly via blades through the head and jaggedly sliced throats. How exactly that’s helping science is beyond me, but I heard he recently won a large grant.

Fulci favorites Catriona MacColl (The Beyond) and Paolo Malco (The New York Ripper) are Lucy and Norman Boyle, respectively, an upwardly mobile couple who uproots their hectic city life for a Massachusettsian existence in an unnecessarily spooky house by a cemetery. I hope they got a good deal, especially since Norman’s colleague apparently murdered a woman there the week before.

Their unattractive son, Bob (Giovanni Frezza), complete with an unnerving dubbed voice, is haunted by a somewhat helpful German girl who lives in a framed picture of the house by cemetery.

Full of all the realistic blood-spatterings, gut-spillings and throat-rippings we’ve come to know and love from Fulci — as well as another head-scratching ending that puts an uneasy layer of dread over the entire proceedings — House by the Cemetery is one of his career high points, full of stabby endpoints. —Louis Fowler

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Color Out of Space (2019)

H.P. Lovecraft’s short story “The Colour Out of Space” has been filmed several times since its 1927 publication, but none more imaginatively than Richard Stanley’s Color Out of Space. Despite its title being shorn of one vowel and an article of speech, it best captures the cosmic terror of Lovecraft’s classic.

One night, from the stars above the Gardners’ isolated alpaca farm, a meteorite comes crashing into the front yard. The media attention it brings, however limited, is unwanted by family man Nathan (a naturally unrestrained Nicolas Cage), yet a breeze compared to the threats that soon sprout — some quite literally. Infecting the water well — shades of George A. Romero’s The Crazies — the meteorite spreads madness and mayhem, inside and outside the Gardner home, and beyond. To fully align with the movie’s slow-burn cloak of impending dread, viewers are better off not knowing the details of the “how.” Suffice it to say, one late revelation is twisted into such a Cronenbergian knot, it may disturb even the desensitized.

While many will see the meteorite’s invasion as the catalyst for an allegory of American familial dysfunction, it is more interesting to view the object as a representation of cancer — one with fast-spreading reach — as Nathan’s wife (Joely Richardson, Red Sparrow) is herself recovering from the disease as the film opens. That is at least more in line with the ecological bent of Lovecraft’s tale, here embodied by a visiting hydrologist (Elliot Knight, aka TV’s Sinbad) who never changes his Miskatonic University shirt.

That said, you also can enjoy Color Out of Space for its surface-level lysergic trippiness, of which Stanley supplies plenty, making the film a magenta-saturated companion piece to Cage’s Mandy. Returning for his first feature in more than 20 years after his unceremonious firing from 1997’s The Island of Dr. Moreau remake (a whale of a tale told in 2014’s gotta-hear-this Lost Soul documentary) Stanley finally has the opportunity to make good on the enormous promise of his 1990 debut, Hardware. Not only does he not disappoint, but he also finds a way to film the unfilmable aspects of Lovecraft’s story, turning pulp into art. —Rod Lott

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Dolittle (2020)

If man could talk to the animals, what conversations would we have? Personally, I’d like to engage my family’s nearly blind, nearly deaf Shih Tzu, Emmy, in a discussion of the hole she has scratched into the side of her neck. We didn’t notice it until the smell of death wafted from across the living room; upon closer examination, we discovered a nauseating, John F. Kennedy half-dollar-sized crater of flesh and blood and gunk of unspeakable coloring, with a newly burst abscess that screamed infection. Frankly, four rounds of antibiotics later, I’d like to ask her what the hell she was thinking.

To get metaphorical, that damn dog’s neck hole — reeking with an ungodly, unforgivable stench of nostrils-torn-asunder rot — is the Robert Downey Jr. vehicle Dolittle.

Remember how much Eddie Murphy’s cachet suffered by wallowing in family-friendly dreck like 1998’s Dr. Dolittle? Downey must have forgotten, in the process tainting the Iron-clad reputation he worked so hard over the last decade to rebuild. With Murphy now enjoying the crest of career resurgence, and Downey stuck chatting up and trading barbs with stunningly unfunny CGI animals, the two superstars appear to have switched places. Who saw that coming?

Downey’s venereal-looking veterinarian is called out of retirement to retrieve a faraway fruit to save the life of a comatose Queen Victoria (Jessie Buckley, TV’s Chernobyl). Attempting to foil Dolittle at every turn, Boris Badenov-style, is Dr. Müdfly (Michael Sheen, 2016’s Passengers). Aiding Dolittle just as often are anthropomorphic members of his mobile menagerie, voiced by some supremely talented people — including John Cena, Emma Thompson, Kumail Nanjiani, Octavia Spencer, Ralph Fiennes and, immortally, “Rami Malek as Chee-Chee” — all of whom have the blessed fortune to be only heard and not seen, especially since their jokes land as neatly as elephant feces.

Who else to helm this artificially sunny, PG-rated ego project/confection of fauna, folly and fantasy? Almost any director but the one who got the job: Stephen Gaghan, he of the suicide bombers and electrocuted children of the political-corruption drama Syriana. His nonmusical remake of 1967’s Doctor Dolittle emerges as a soulless, artless, witless, “cash, please!” corporate enterprise — one in which no one had the guts to even suggest to Downey that his Jack Sparrow-style accent was not the least bit cute, but thoroughly repellent. In which computer rendering of the sometimes-disproportionate animals appears to have been halted around 65% completion and deemed “good enough.” In which poor Antonio Banderas is reduced to parading around in genie pants.

In the opening-weekend matinee I attended, an audience full of kids — kids, for chrissakes, comedy’s easiest lay! — could not be bothered to laugh, except when a dragon ripped a massive fart in Downey’s face. He deserved it.

Dolittle? Most certainly do not. But if you are forced? Do nap. —Rod Lott

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Brewster’s Millions (1985)

Many would say that, during his vaunted career, Richard Pryor never found the right filmic vehicle for his considerable talents; having recently viewed Brewster’s Millions for the first time in nearly 30 years, I have to say … they’re probably right.

Here, Pryor is Montgomery Brewster, a down-on-his-luck minor-league pitcher who, along with pal Spike (John Candy), spends most of his time humping groupies on the road, which is quite understandable. Sadly, that fun-living casual sex comes to an end when he inherits $300 million from his dead “honky” uncle (Hume Cronyn).

The plot-worthy catch? He has to spend $30 million in thirty days, with nothing to show for it but the shirt on his back by the end.

This leads to a mildly amusing 90 minutes as Pryor buys a bunch of people lunch, mails a rare postage stamp and runs as the anti-mayor of New York. And while that sounds like it’s a surefire laugh-getter, most of the jokes fall sideways and, even worse, are just plain unfunny. I guess we could throw most of the blame on director Walter Hill; straight comedy, it seems, isn’t really his forte.

With such a strong premise and an even stronger comedian, it’s kind of sad just how comedically bankrupt the whole outing is — but at least it ain’t The Toy.  —Louis Fowler

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