“Ruggero, old friend! Listen, the Americans are all so crazy over these Airport pictures. First there was one, then there was two, and now they do four! It is called The Concorde, then ‘dot dot dot,’ then Airport ’79. Dramatic, no?

“Well, listen, we want to do what the Americans do right away, so you, my friend, Ruggero, will direct. We like the sound of this Concorde, so we will call ours Concorde Affaire ’79! Sexy, no?

“Here is what I think, Ruggero: We start with the Concorde crashing into the Atlantic Ocean. Then we introduce our hero. So the audience knows he is the hero, we will give him a hero’s name. Something biblical, perhaps, like Moses. This Moses character will be a journalist covering the crash. He will work for Ladies Day magaz– no, I don’t know why a women’s magazine would print such an article, but we can figure that out later.

“Anyway, where was I, Ruggero? Ah, yes: the crash. The plane will sink to the floor of the ocean so we can do some underwater things with the scubas. The Americans seemed to like that in the Airport ’77 with the Jack Lemmon. We need someone stronger, a man’s man, someone the women watching would want to kiss with the passion of a thousand suns, like Charlton Heston in Airport 1975. A-ha! He would be playing Moses again, yes?

“Well, too bad, Ruggero. I cannot afford his American salary. But this I will tell you: I believe James Franciscus would work for our picture. After all, he was good enough for starring in the talking-monkey movie after Charlton, so he is good enough for our film! To go back to the Airport 1975, though, I think I would like to have a real sexy American pin-up like the Lee Grant or Brenda Vacarro. Perhaps you get me Mimsy Farmer? Also, my friend, we need an old movie star who used to be big, big, big, but now will work for cheap, like the Joseph Cotten– oh, you say you can get Joseph Cotten? Grande!

“Now, Ruggero, last thing, my friend is we need to make Concorde Affair very, very boring. I trust you can do that, no?” —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

For a made-for-TV movie, Superdome sure is rife with vice: Sex! Drugs! Violence! Dick Butkus!

And all that takes place within the five days the fictional Cougars have come to New Orleans to play the Super Bowl, meaning team manager Mike Shelley (David Janssen, Mayday at 40,000 Feet!) has a lot on his hands, including a comely reporter (Donna Mills, Hanging by a Thread) who’s not above sex with seniors to extract quotes — or, for that matter, a plate of fried catfish.

Thrown into the suds of Superdome are a marriage on the brink, a potentially exiting star quarterback (Tom Selleck, Runaway), an illegal gambling plot with mob muscle and, above all, murder! Someone is shooting team staff members to death, with poisoned ginger ale and electrocution by whirlpool also on tap for attempts. Curiously, there is next to no football.

In charge of this whole mess is director Jerry Jameson, fresh from Airport ’77 and likely hired for his ability to corral an all-star cast; here, that includes such screen sirens as Edie Adams, Vonetta McGee, Jane Wyman and Bubba Smith.

For all Jameson’s skill at actor control, he is unable to wring any suspense from the stew. Had the script stuck to the killer angle and run with it, he might have something, like the then-2-year-old stadium-sniper thriller Two-Minute Warning. Instead, just as we’re shown a pair of black gloves pulling the trigger, Superdome pivots to a storyline of dramatically lower stakes, like Ken Howard’s aching knee. Fumble! —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

After writing an article about a sheep birthing a human baby, Populous magazine reporter Jill Weatherby (Jodi Russell, Blind Dating) and her shoulder pads thirst for “a shot at some real news.” She finds it in sleepy Edmond, Missouri — a town that’s “fictious,” per the misspelled credits — where the elderly, married owners of a mini-mart have been murdered by a trio of traveling hoodlums. While one of the the bad guys (Kenny McCabe, Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2) remains at large, rogue cop Cliff Madlock (Larry Williams, 2001’s Heartbreakers) fatally shot the others at the scene.

What Jill doesn’t know initially is that one of Madlock’s kills was a straight-up execution — Miranda rights, schmiranda rights. Edmond boasts a crime rate 40% lower than the U.S. average, yet almost never convicts a criminal. She learns why after witnessing Madlock break into a drug dealer’s house — warrant, schmarrant — and force-feeds spoonfuls of cocaine to the dealer as if it were Cheerios.

Maybe it’s the experience of watching Lethal Justice through a 21st-century lens, but it’s not clear whether Madlock is supposed to be its hero or villain — until the ending, when Weatherby watches Madlock blow away the elusive criminal (“Damn! There goes my exclusive!”) and decides to let the good ol’ boy in blue keep shooting first and asking questions later never. Hey, it was a very different time.

It was also a time when anything could churn profits on VHS, no matter how homegrown. Lethal Justice represents the second and thus far final film from writer/director/producer/editor Christopher Reynolds. As with his debut, the Johnny-come-lately slasher Offerings, it was shot in the Oklahoma City area (including the actual city of Edmond) using its fair share of overemoting locals and exaggerated extras, but also with Russell believably exhibiting that journalist’s pluck, just as Williams does with hotheaded authority; however, they fail to click in the chemistry department. All one can really ask of such cinematic pursuits is an effortless watchability, which Lethal Justice provides, no matter how hard its secondhand-synthesizer score — appropriately referred to by the closed captioning as “sleuth music” — works against it. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Not a slasher movie no matter what the title leads you to believe, Slayground is one of more than half a dozen films based on Richard Stark’s (aka Donald E. Westlake) crime novels featuring professional thief Parker. Like all but one of those, the character’s name has been changed — in this case, to Stone, played by Peter Coyote (Femme Fatale).

Stone has masterminded a three-man job to rob an armored truck of cold, hard cash, but when his driver doesn’t show up on time (understandable, due to murder), he’s forced to hire a hothead punk (Ned Eisenberg, The Burning) to fill the role. That’s a choice Stone soon regrets when, in the post-heist flee, the wheelman gets too cocky and ends up causing a wreck that kills a child. The dead kid’s wealthy father puts out a hit on all those responsible by hiring a shadowy man known as Shadow Man (Philip Sayer, Xtro).

Sounds interesting enough, and it is in setup. Then, maybe 20 minutes in, Terry Bedford, the Monty Python cinematographer trying his hand at directing, and screenwriter Trevor Preston (What the Peeper Saw) manage to take the whole enterprise south — and fast — not unlike the driver who gets Stone into this fine mess. Considering the wreck had no witnesses, how the Shadow Man learns the identities of Stone and company is a mystery — one the filmmakers completely gloss over, just as they do the killer’s ability to know his prey’s location at any given point in time.

Slayground opens with the familiar strains of one of the most overlicensed rock songs in movie history, George Thorogood’s future jock jam “Bad to the Bone,” which immediately establishes a rowdy tone the film just as quickly ditches. No fun is to be found, and I’m not sure Bedford wants you to have any, brushing every scene in bleak coats of oil and dirt and all-around grime. By the time the movie jumps an ocean to take Stone to jolly ol’ England, I was long checked out. Being set in an empty amusement park, the final confrontation is at least visually interesting, but also a case of too little, too late. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

For whatever reason*, I watched The Seduction several times after its short theatrical run on a local UHF station, where it somehow aired with Morgan Fairchild’s nudity intact. Back then, pre-internet and with no HBO, that was like striking gold. Today, naked Fairchild doesn’t hold as much excitement, but those scenes have aged well compared against things in the movie that pretty much no longer exist: pay phones, department stores, Jacuzzi sex, Michael Sarrazin.

Fairchild’s Jaime Douglas anchors the news in Los Angeles, where the 6 p.m. time slot affords her visibility in the public eye. Not all of it is wanted, particularly that of the zoom lens of nosy neighbor Derek (Andrew Stevens, 10 to Midnight), whose snooping, screwed-up head has concocted a romantic fantasy he attempts to will into reality with heartfelt gifts of trinkets and trespassing. Just not into stalkers, Jaime doesn’t reciprocate his feelings, so Derek reasons if he can’t have her, well, no one can.

An early, tamer template for the erotic thrillers that bought Stevens’ groceries throughout the 1990s, The Seduction is high-gloss trash from writer/director David Schmoeller (Tourist Trap), but blandly enjoyable as he explores the contradiction of a woman so amazingly attractive, she can’t help but garner the male gaze — in fact, she makes a living off this ability — yet isn’t always fond of the gaze she garners. This thesis is set up in the first two lines of the film (Dionne Warwick’s singing of Lalo Schifrin’s overproduced ballad doesn’t count) as Jaime’s boyfriend (Sarrazin, The Gumball Rally) tells her, “I like looking at you,” to which she breathily replies, “I like being looked at.”

By the third act, Jaime is done being the victim, turning up the heat to 98 degrees of tease in order to turn the tables on her would-be paramour. While Fairchild plays this tough-cookie portion with the same smoldering indifference as the hot-tamale preamble, the flick certainly becomes less interesting in the switch. That could be reason enough for Schmoeller’s Seduction beginning and ending Fairchild’s big-screen career as leading lady; after this, she really only connected with movie audiences in the likes of Pee-wee’s Big Adventure and Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult, playing — and spoofing — herself. There’s nothing wrong with that, as long as we’re all still looking. —Rod Lott

*Hormones.

Get it at Amazon.