All posts by Louis Fowler

Aenigma (1987)

If there’s one thing I love about the grotty films of Lucio Fulci, it’s no matter how terrible a flick of his might be, there are always one or two vomit-worthy scenes that tend to hellishly elevate the thing above most other horror movies. In Aenigma, there’s plenty to choose from, but I’m going to go with a schoolgirl waking up covered in slimy snails.

I know here, in digital print, it doesn’t sound like much, but visually, it’s truly a waking nightmare of slithering special effects.

One of Fulci’s later films, he dutifully takes the worst elements of movies like Patrick, Carrie and Phenomena to make a film that, while not better, is definitely a lot more fun than any of those. Over the strains of a terrible attempt at a pop song, a young girl has a date with the hot gym teacher. Before anybody questions the morals, it turns out to be a bloody joke and she ends up in a coma.

Around that same time, horny new girl Eva (Lara Naszinski) show up at a Boston school for girls and she might be possessed by the bullied student who likes to manifest herself over a famed poster of Tom Cruise in Top Gun. From a head decapitated by a window to a Renaissance statue coming to life and choking a girl, the grotesque deaths keep piling up and how.

But, now that I think about it, even more disturbing than the traumatic snail death is the constant rotation of prepubescent strange the older men hanging around campus seem to be getting all up in — most notably, the gym teacher and the hospital doctor who, when at the school, wears a sweater that reads “University.”

The illicit intercourse, along with the splatter-filled set pieces Fulci (Demonia) was best known for, the only thing that truly remains an enigma to me is how to pronounce the fleetingly pretentious title. Eh-nigma? Augh-nigma? Augh-eh-nigma? —Louis Fowler

Get it at Amazon.

Split Second (1992)

Of all the sci-fi flicks to rip-off, filled with a lone alien, multiple guttings, large explosions and little to no story, one of the best is Predator. But, thinking outside that pine box, Split Second decided to go a different route and do Predator 2. Well, okay.

Sometime in the near future — and now far past! — Great Britain of 2008, prescient global warming has turned the isles into one big, dirty swimming pool. Puffy Rutger Hauer is burnt-out cop Harley Stone, a foreign-exchange officer who lives on chocolates, coffee and the long-lasting regret of his partner dying at the hands of a 10-foot-tall beast with a taste for human hearts. But can you blame him?

Armed with psychic powers left unexplored, he’s partnered with pencil-pushing nerd Dick Durkin (Neil Duncan). This mismatched duo slogs through a soggy England with generous hand cannons and shotguns, trying to protect the vapid Kim Cattrall from what turns out to be a rat-loving, tide-drenched version of Satan, here an ineffectual representation of absolute evil, but a great clone of a Xenomorph.

Also, at one point, Stone refers to a dog as a “dickhead” and then questions it as the witness to a murder in a nightclub that rock legend Ian Dury runs. Maybe that should have been the movie …

For years, I mistook this flick for the Dolph Lundgren favorite I Come in Peace (“You go in pieces …”), like a cinematic idiot. And while I was sure I would be disappointed by this, I happy to report that Split Second is unapologetic in its constant writhing in wet trash, an art form that only Tony Maylam, director of the equally trashy The Burning, could ever achieve. —Louis Fowler

Get it at Amazon.

Pervertissima (1972)

As much as it sounds like a ribald musical notation, Pervertissima instead takes us into the world of sleazy French journalism as a comely young girl with a possible herpes sore on her upper lip and absolutely no reporting skills is sent into Gay Paree for a piece on “Love in Paris.”

Admitting she’s a virgin to the overt sexaholics on the paper’s staff, she is sent to brothels, dance clubs and an avant garde sex ritual, none of which has anything to do with love, but I guess I see the point. What I don’t see the point of is how she ends up in the clinic of a mad scientist who dreams of ruling the world like a god — his words — through ineffectual mating experiments.

And as jarring as the switch from a low-rent skin flick to a no-scares horror movie is, even that is nothing compared to the horrendous sexual harassment the females of the film go through, from the boss randomly kissing secretaries quite passionately to a rapist reporter who, in the middle of a meeting, tries to get off on our lead actress. Maybe Mad Men was right?

Regardless, this bizarre mélange of fragrant trash is best credited to director Jean-Louis van Belle, known for equally de-rousing flicks like Forbidden Paris, The Lady Kills and Made in Sex, all of which sounds like great names for terrible New Romantic bands. —Louis Fowler

Get it at Amazon.

Gemini (1999)

When I was around 12 years old, almost every weekend I’d walk the mile up the road to the closest Blockbuster and rent three or four movies, with its cult selection the best thing I had ever since Sound Warehouse shut its doors forever.

As basic as the small group of movies were, it did have the Shinya Tsukamoto film Tetsuo: The Iron Man, a cyberpunk masterpiece of gray-matter metal, complete with a massive drill as a penile substitute. Shocked and awed, I copied the film on my VHS setup and watched it repeatedly for the next year, becoming a big fan of Tsukamoto in the process.

While I have seen many of his films since, the pseudo-period piece Gemini has always escaped my eyes until now, ultimately revealing his most challenging film yet. Based on the short story by Edogawa Rampo, it is set in the Japan of 1910 as former military doc Yukio (Masahiro Motoki) has settled down, now practicing private medicine and married to the charming amnesiac, Rin (Ryo).

With a plague destroying the surrounding slums, Yukio finds his upper-crust world crumbling when he saves a drunk politician instead of a poor mother and her baby. As a somersaulting man in dirty robes invades his house and kills his parents, Yukio soon finds himself stuck at the bottom of a well as the homeless villain — who looks exactly like him, by the way — takes over his life above.

While trapped, Yukio reverts to an animal-like state while the interloper, named Sutekichi (also Motoki), seduces said wife as we learn of the impoverished life and lusty connection they once had as well.

Utilizing a well-versed combination of classic filmmaking skills and industrial know-how, Gemini is an uncomfortable film, possibly more than any of Tsukamoto’s other kinetic flicks, if only for his ability to have his already-unlikable characters mechanically transform into even worse human-sized kaiju who can do more destruction than Godzilla and Gamera combined.

It’s something that, unexpectedly even for this type of film, is on full display here, both physically and emotionally. It’s pure grotesquerie that, if you’re able to connect with it, can leave anyone fully unsettled, just as much when I saw Tetsuo all those maggot-riddled years ago. —Louis Fowler

Get it at Amazon.

Strong Arm (2020)

At the risk of earning a Motor City-style ass-kicking from the assorted toughs who make up the cast and crew of the independent film Strong Arm, I have to publicly admit that, to me, the movie is not very good.

While the plot regarding a woman found raped and murdered — only to have her brother track down the three random gang members and their porn ring — should be enough to fill a 70-minute movie, I was surprised how much of the running time is actually filled with scenes of the street whizzing by outside a car window as a D-level group plays on the soundtrack.

What story there is revolves around war vet Jake Ramsey, a guy with apparent PTSD and constant heavy breathing when moving around, often grunting “shit” under his breath. From what I could gather, his sister is found raped and possibly murdered on the mean streets. His Detroit PD buddy fills him in on the possible perps: three gang members who stand around talking in badly recorded conversations.

There’s a bloody final battle that is a real downer, but I feel that was kind of the point of the flick. From grindhouse upstart Independent American Pictures, the film is given a faux-’70s look, with computer-generated film scratches and a plot full of violence, but with a very first-day-of-film-school need for a decent script or, at the very least, one where something actually happens.

That being said, I do applaud these guys for getting the movie done and look forward to seeing what B-movie madness they come up with next, hopefully improving on their formula. So please don’t beat me up. —Louis Fowler

Get it at StrongArm.com.