All posts by Rod Lott

Body Parts (2022)

Watching Hollywood movies for 50 years has left me with many probing questions, like:
1. How do actresses fake fellatio?
2. How does one make a merkin?
3. How did Jane Fonda handle floating naked in the credit sequence to Barbarella?

The answers can be found in Kristy Guevara-Flanagan’s documentary Body Parts. I’ll only reveal the secret behind No. 3: “I just got drunk, basically.”

Definitely not to be confused to with the same-named Jeff Fahey horror film, Body Parts is a moles-and-all look behind the scenes of depicting sex onscreen … and how one gender has a much tougher go of it than another. Through no apparent order, we’re taken to a training for intimacy coordinators, shown the process for digital de-aging and allowed a peek at the body-doubling biz.

That’s about 50% of the mix; the other half explores the political side, full of coercion and exploitation in a town more comfortable with violence. As Rosanna Arquette says, not without firsthand experience, women “have to fight for ownership of their own body.” As if her words weren’t enough, Sarah Scott (Soaked in Bleach) gives a chilling, enraging account of alleged sexual harassment by The Rules of Attraction actor Kip Pardue.

By design more interesting than entertaining, Body Parts also features Emily Meade, Sheryl Lee and Rose McGowan among the interviewees. One of its indisputable takeaways involves America’s double standard surrounding nudity: “Penises are pornography; tits are art.” —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

The Wicker Tree (2011)

In his lifetime, Robin Hardy directed a genuine cult classic in 1973’s The Wicker Man. Unfortunately, he made only two other films. Worse, the last of them was The Wicker Tree.

While the quasi-sequel is based on Hardy’s 2006 novel, Cowboys for Christ, who’s he kidding? If you’ve seen the original Wicker or its bug-nuts Nicolas Cage remake, you know exactly where this new one leads, even without the benefit of Edward Woodward as your guide.

In The Wicker Tree, that role falls to young Christian country starlet Beth Boothby (Brittania Nicol, apparently a for-the-better one-and-doner). With her purity-ring cowboy fiancé (Henry Garrett, Red Tails), Beth accepts a two-year missionary position in Scotland. She’s even tailored her message to her audience: “Jeezus was braver ’n Rob Roy!”

Not everyone in the pagan village is happy to host the Americans, but town employer/nuclear magnate Sir Lachlan Morrison (Graham McTavish, Aquaman) and his wife (Jacqueline Leonard) put on game faces and trade insults behind her back: “I bet she smells like a dairy.”

If only there were … oh, some kind of, I dunno … “May Day festival” planned for which they could trick the hicks into, um, “participating.”

Hopes that Hardy may approach the material with a wicked sense of humor rise early with a glimpse of Beth’s Britney Spears-esque pop-tart past (via a video for “Trailer Trash Love”), but when you later see well-to-do Scots line-dancing at a posh party, those hopes have long been torpedoed. So go any chances of the filmmaker beating the odds by capturing lightning in a bottle twice. While technically competent, the movie doesn’t go anywhere approaching the unexpected; this Tree takes root, but never sprouts.

Hardy’s on the record for calling his final film “very horrifying.” That’s very generous … and perhaps very delusional. The Wicker Tree offers some gorgeous scenery, a super-brief Christopher Lee cameo, a sex scene with a toy horse’s head and nothing else of note. Folk horror is rarely so wearisome. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Ghastlies (2016)

A good quarter-century after the Gremlins knockoffs had run their course, prolific Canadian filmmaker Brett Kelly (Konga TNT) unleashed Ghastlies. Regardless of time period, it’s consistently unamusing and unimaginative.

A UFO drops the Ghastlies (aka thrift-store puppets) in the woods, near a cabin rented for the weekend by some sorority girls (aka four women in their late 20s to mid-30s). Before too terribly long, Ghastlies gotta Ghastly (aka positioned stationary or moved by someone out of frame).

They number a scant three, but at least each is unique: a five-eyed purple dragon, a green gator with a Mohawk and an orange rectangle with downturned horn. (By comparison, they make the hobgoblins of Rick Sloane’s wretched Hobgoblins look like frickin’ Jim Henson.) They murder the bitchiest woman with a plastic spoon. Also killed are a pizza delivery guy, two bicycle cops and other things (aka your valuable time). —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Bad Girls (2021)

If Christopher Bickel’s Bad Girls fails to hook you in its first five minutes, here’s a list of things you must despise seeing in movies: attractive women in their underwear, attractive women out of their underwear, violent strip club robberies, car chases, car crashes, coke trips, acid trips, violent convenience store robberies, violent bar fights and violent deer collisions.

After murdering their instantly former employer and taking “a shitload of money and drugs,” three exotic dancers make a run for the Mexico border: the blonde Carolyn (Shelby Lois Guinn), the Black Mitzi Anne (Sanethia Dresch) and brunette leader Val (Morgan Shaley Renew), she of the double-height eyebrows. As one citizen tells the TV news, “They’re just like Bonnie and Clyde, but they’re all Bonnie and there’s three of ’em!”

With Bah-stun accents, bad puns and broken beer bottles galore, the ladies go from one brutal encounter to another. No male is spared, at least of humiliation, from a blue-balled frat boy to a white supremacist running a 24-hour donut and ammo shop. Stops are made for shows by bands like Christmas Tits and Poltergasm, if only to kidnap their members. The movie is one long chase, with two federal agents (Dove Dupree and Mike Amason) on their tails. “We’re gonna find ’em, fuck ’em, fry ’em and forget ’em!” vows the nasal spray-addicted agent to his partner. “Figuratively!”

Obviously influenced by Russ Meyer’s Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!, Bickel (The Theta Girl) moves his sophomore film at a jet-propulsion pace, rarely slowing to take a breath. Although stocked with music I wouldn’t listen to, the soundtrack matches the girls’ spring-loaded antics by going into Dexedrine-aggro mode, as does Bickle’s Natural Born Killers-styled editing of excess and overlays. The overall energy he conjures help mitigate deficiencies in a repetitive story and the purposely campy performances. It’s a ride, for sure, and one that dares to kill its babies. Not figuratively! —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.

Legion of Fire: Killer Ants! (1998)

Who better to help resurrect the nature-run-amok film in the late 1990s than Fox, the television network behind all those glorious When Animals Attack specials? In Legion of Fire: Killer Ants!, the exclamatory bastards in question are feisty and man-eating. When an underground volcano starts rumbling and tumbling, the six-legged South American menaces are forced to the surface. Popping up in the sleepy Alaskan town of Burly Pines, they’re like, “Sweet, this’ll do. Let’s prey.”

Following the telefilm’s docu-shock foreword, a young couple in the forest for an impromptu photoshoot find a heap of trouble when the woman hops atop a giant anthill to vogue. She gets dragged through the hole to die, as does her shutterbug boyfriend while trying to save her.

It becomes painfully obvious to the locals that sinister insect forces are at work, stripping their moose population to the bone in a matter of minutes. Bug expert Dr. Jim Conrad (Eric Lutes, Bram Stoker’s The Mummy) rushes to the rescue. With the aid of a cute, frizzy-haired schoolteacher (Julia Campbell, Opportunity Knocks) and a widowed police chief (Mitch Pileggi, Shocker), Conrad wages war against the largely computer-animated rascals, which are seen at one point walking across a yard while carrying the body parts of their latest victim.

Also known as Marabunta, Legion of Fire sports dirt-cheap effects and leads thrown into one preposterous, predictable situation after another. However, any movie — especially one made for TV — that dares to snuff out so many living things (kids included) in such laughable methods deserves a couple hours of your time. And so does the weeping deputy who shoots at the ants with his gun. —Rod Lott

Get it at Amazon.